Coming Back Home
by SussiRay
Summary: Emily has been away from the BAU for five years. When she returns she brings a big surprise with her... especially for Hotch. 44 chapters of Hotly angst and romance. COMPLETE
1. Familiar and unfamiliar faces

**A/N: New multi-chapter story! Yay!**

**This story takes place a little over five years after the season five finale and should probably be considered AU. I am keeping both Emily and JJ.**

**Be prepared for angst...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, just using the excellent characters for my own amusement. I do however own any character that I have created myself.**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter one – Familiar and unfamiliar faces**

**July 2015**

It was late one Friday afternoon, early in the month of July. The sun was hot and the air was thick and still. Almost expecting in a way, as if prepared that something of great substance was about to happen. But then again how could the air really know that?

SSA Aaron Hotchner, best known to his friends simply as Hotch, had just dropped off his son Jack at their apartment after picking him up at his summer baseball camp. It was his and the almost-ten-year-old's tradition. All other days it was Jack's aunt Jessica who picked him up, but Fridays belonged to father and son.

As Jack sat quietly watching a movie Hotch closed the front door behind him after carefully setting the alarm. He walked through the front gate and made his way down to the local park to have his weekly walk. As usual he needed to clear his mind. He didn't want the grime and the gore of the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI to take over the weekends that were just his and Jack's.

Swiftly walking down the same path he'd always preferred he savored his surroundings as he felt the late summer sun beaming down on his furrowed face. He could hear vibrant laughter somewhere up ahead and he felt the tension in his tired muscles slowly seeping away.

He turned a corner, absentmindedly letting his eyes trail along the graveled path. Then all of a sudden he saw something that made his entire body go rigid. Stopping dead in his tracks Hotch stared at the patch of grass a short distance ahead of him.

His eyes wide and his mouth hanging open he just stared. It was all he could do. He shook his head a little in an attempt to shake away the dream he was surely having. But the image in front of him did not shift. This just couldn't be. She was supposed to be living in New York. She had been living there almost five years now.

He still vividly remembered their last time together. It was four years, ten months and five days since he'd last had a conversation with her. If you could even call it that. They'd been so angry at each other that day. Shouted at each other. Said things he knew neither of them had meant. After that day they hadn't talked again except for when she'd handed in her transfer request. Two weeks later she was gone.

He looked at the woman again, letting his eyes trail from the top of her head down to the tips of her toes. There was no mistaking that shiny raven hair, those long legs accentuated by the denim cutoffs she was wearing and that beautifully pale skin. No, that was indeed Emily Prentiss sitting on a blanket just twenty or so long strides ahead of him. She was laughing happily. It was her laugh he had heard before. Why hadn't he realized. She sounded so different from the last time they'd spent together.

He couldn't will his legs to move, neither forwards nor back down the path he had come. So he slowly sank down onto one of the white park benches behind him. That way he was obstructed from her view by a large rose bush, but he could still see her.

Sitting there, gazing at her, he let his mind slowly wander back to that day almost five years ago.

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**August 2010**

Forcefully yanking the door open Emily stormed into Hotch's office, raging fire burning in her brown eyes.

"That was completely uncalled for, Hotch!" She exclaimed after slamming the door shut behind her.

"Prentiss?" Hotch said, using her last name without really thinking about it.

"Oh! So it's Prentiss now, is it?" Emily huffed. "And then later tonight when you wanna get laid I'm back to being Emily?" She snapped. "You can't have it like that, Hotch."

"We have to be professional at work, _Emily_." Hotch snapped back.

"Where lies the professionalism in calling me out after a foot chase just because I am a woman? Or maybe just because I'm your _girlfriend_." Emily stared defiantly at him.

"You fell down a flight of stairs, Em!" Hotch exclaimed. "I was _worried_." He got up from behind his desk and took a few steps towards her but she backed away.

"Both you, Morgan _and _Reid have been in worse accidents and neither of you have been reprimanded for not waiting." She pointed an accusing finger at him. "I had him Hotch!"

"No you didn't!" Hotch shouted back. "You're too reckless! You endangered yourself and others. I should suspend you."

"I'm not reckless and you know it!" She snapped back. "You just don't trust me!"

"Yes I do!"

"Then why don't you let me all the way in?" She shouted close to tears, before quickly turning around and hurrying out of his office.

Hotch just stood there looking at the door she'd left open. His heart wanted him to follow her but his feet didn't comply. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. So he just stood there rooted to the floor of his office and watched with tears pooling in his eyes as she grabbed her bag and left the bullpen.

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**July 2015**

He leaned back against the hard bench, all of a sudden feeling very tired. Before him he saw Emily the day she'd walked into his office carrying a box full of her stuff. He was still married then, but he knew somewhere deep down that was when his feelings for her had started to grow.

It was different with their friendship. He didn't really know when that had started forming. He just knew that it was around the time when he'd separated from his wife and then got divorced. She came up to his office one day with two coffees and a shoulder for him to lean on. After that it just grew from there.

They used to have a lot of fun together. He never had fun like that anymore. He always had the best times and a lot of fun with his son but that was different. He just didn't have any friends his own age. He had his team. They were all very close, but not like the way he'd been with Emily.

Emily was the one who was there unconditionally for him after he was nearly stabbed to death by a psychopath. She never doubted him when others did. And again after that psychopath murdered the mother of his child. She was there.

Emily would take care of him in her own unique way. She would stay behind at the office more and more frequently. She would come up to his office just to have a chat. They'd have coffee, and sometimes something a lot stronger, together. He knew that she was doing it because she worried about him, but he never said anything.

Then that close friendship grew into something more. At least it did for him and he was pretty sure that it had done so for her too. A stolen look here. A slight touch on the far side of friendly there. But they kept dancing around each other. Avoiding the thick sexual tension between them for months. Kept it clean and at least somewhat professionally distant.

Until then one blistering hot July night when they were on a team night out. They were drinking and laughing and drinking some more. Emily even convinced him to dance with her. They'd both had a few too many drinks and in the middle of that dance floor, when they were dancing close together, something snapped between them. Maybe it was the heat that got to them. He had looked deep into her eyes and had seen only dark unadulterated lust.

They didn't even make it back to either of their apartments. She had dragged him or he had dragged her, he didn't remember, to a far corner in the bar and they'd slipped into the one of the restrooms in the back. And he had taken her there, against the wall. Raw and primitive. Not at all the kind of expression of his emotions that he had wanted. But that was what had happened.

They tried having a relationship beyond friendship after that. But to no real success. He loved her deeply and he knew in his heart that she loved him too. But for some reason, he didn't know why, maybe fear or doubt or just plain stupidity he never told her how he really felt. So they'd built their relationship on lust. And that's never really a solid ground to build something on.

Their whole relationship became filled with a silent uncertainty. Never completely sure of the other's feelings, but never able to disclose their own. He blamed himself for that. He held everything in and that made her doubt him and them. That made her keep to herself. He never stopped regretting not telling her how he really felt. If he had maybe their lives would have turned out differently. But back then he'd buried his feelings and now he had to live with the consequences.

Then came that day when it all had unraveled. It was still ringing clearly in his head. They'd been together a month and all that time, and probably years before that, he'd been pushing his feelings down. Until that one day when they'd just erupted like an awoken geyser.

He hadn't known what to say. He should have told her that he loved her. But he didn't. He'd just stood there and watched her walk away. Four years, ten months and five days ago.

The sound of another voice, a smaller voice, pulled him from the fog of the memory. He'd been so fixated on Emily before that he hadn't noticed that she wasn't alone. Running around on the soft grass in front of her was a tiny little girl. She wore a red frilly dress and had long raven hair that flowed in the wind. She was jumping up and down happily chanting "Mommy! Mommy! Look at me!" And when she smiled he could see the tiny dimples in her rosy cheeks.

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**A/N: So, what do you think? Is this something that you'd like to see more of? I hope you do because I'm really into this story...**

**Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated :)**

**x Sussi**


	2. Look who's back

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the fantastic response to the first chapter! I hope you will enjoy this chapter as well!**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter two – Look who's back!**

Derek Morgan strutted along the catwalk above the BAU bullpen looking at the people scurrying around their desks. He flashed a pearly white grin at the newest buxom administrative assistant and laughed at Dr. Spencer Reid sitting cross legged on his desk chair absentmindedly swiveling around. He was having a good day.

He was almost at his destination, Dave Rossi's office to have a chat, when he glanced to his right through the glass doors and saw his day potentially taking a turn for the worse. Section Chief Erin Strauss was closing in on the bullpen. His first thought was to quickly run and hide.

But then he saw who was walking next to her and the sight made his perfectly groomed goatee drop humorously to the ground.

"_Prentiss!_" He exclaimed and Emily Prentiss, someone he hadn't seen in almost five years, turned around and gave him a wide smile and a wave. But she didn't stop or turn her steps towards him. She kept following Strauss.

Morgan figured quickly that they must be on their way to Hotch's office. Were they here for the reason he thought they were? Did this mean that their team would finally become complete again?

When Emily had left them very abruptly five years earlier Strauss had seen that as her chance to make some cuts in the budget and had never replaced her. Not that they had ever wanted her to be replaced. It had, considering the circumstances, worked out for the best. But it had been a strange time. They had continued on as a team, but they had felt like a person missing a vital limb. Maybe, he thought, they were becoming a whole person again.

They had never got an answer from Emily as to why she left so suddenly. He'd tried talking to her about it but she always managed to worm her way around his questions and after a while he gave up. The reason obviously made her uncomfortable and he didn't want to cause her any unnecessary pain.

But that did not mean that the team hadn't had their suspicions about her reasons for leaving. They had all agreed that it must have had something to do with Hotch. They had all seen the two of them growing closer over the years. And none of them had failed to notice that Hotch and Emily hardly were on speaking terms the weeks before she left. They had also seen Hotch's slumping shoulders and sad furrowed face after she left. At the beginning they had all talked about her during briefings, on the jet and at team nights out but when they noticed the pained expression on Hotch's face they had stopped doing that.

Hotch, of course, never said a word about it. He said that Emily left for personal reasons but never disclosed what those reasons were. And he said nothing about his part in it. He basically stopped talking about her all together.

So eventually Emily Prentiss became a thing of the past. He kept in touch with her, but they kept their conversations light and breezy and after a few years they became more and more sporadic. He knew that she still talked to JJ too. They'd kept in close contact over the years and he knew that JJ had even gone to visit her a few times. But she didn't tell them anything other than that Emily was doing well. He suspected that JJ was the one person who knew exactly why Emily had left. But he didn't want to pry. So he didn't ask.

But now Emily was back. For good, he hoped. He hoped that she would bring the stability back to the team. He hoped that they would be that close-knit family, that they had once been, again. Not that they weren't close anymore. They still were. But it just wasn't the same.

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Hotch leaned back in his large desk chair. His eyes closed by their own will. He was exhausted and had hardly been able to even put a pen to a piece of paper during the two hours he'd been at the office. He hadn't slept at all the last few nights. His mind had been swimming with images of tiny raven haired girls with tiny dimples and their beautiful laughing mothers.

A firm knock shook his door. He jerked into an upright position and looked over at the door. The blinds were closed so he couldn't see who it was. But his guess was that he was about to receive a visit from the wicked witch herself.

Strauss had told him a few days ago that she would be bringing by a potential new team member. She had told him that she wanted his input on whether to assign this person to the team. But he knew Erin Strauss and he didn't trust her further than he could throw her. Had Strauss decided that this was their new team member, then this was their new team member.

He'd promised himself however to have an open mind and not remake any mistakes of the past.

"Come in." He said in his dark authoritative voice and the door knob turned. He got out of his chair as Erin Strauss entered the room. Behind her he saw dark hair and pale skin and his heart dropped, crashing into his stomach. Why had he not seen this coming?

"Agent Hotchner." Strauss said. "I am sure you remember Agent Prentiss." She tilted her head at Emily.

"Of course." Hotch said his voice polite and filled with a false calm. There was just a hint of the slightest wobble. He was sure that Emily noticed, she knew him inside and out. "It's great to see you again, Prentiss. How are you?" He said looking at her, trying to catch her eye.

"I'm fine, Hotch." Emily answered, but didn't look him in the eye. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the floor in front of her.

Not noticing the tension rising in the room Strauss continued. "I am sure, Agent Hotchner, that you have realized by now that Agent Prentiss is the new team member I'd like to assign to your team." She gave him an insincere smile. "Of course, if that is fine with you, Agent Hotchner."

"Yes, Ma'am, it is." Hotch answered. "It will be very beneficial for the team to have a member such as Agent Prentiss again." Hotch added with completely calm features. On the inside nothing was calm, his mind was spinning. It felt as if the walls were closing in on him and he couldn't breath.

He had come to terms with the fact that she wasn't coming back to him not much more than a year before. For the longest time he'd waited for her, a some points almost imagined hearing her voice behind him.

And here she was again. Standing in his office. As the newest member of his team. The team she had left five years ago. He'd dreamed of this moment more times than he could count but now that it was here it felt... uncomfortable. She wasn't looking at him and he had an inkling as to why. She didn't want to look the father of her daughter in the eye.

"Well..." Strauss interrupted his inner monologue. "I'll leave you two to catch up. You will officially be a part of the BAU again tomorrow, Agent Prentiss. Welcome back." She shook Emily's hand and turned with a nod at Hotch and left the room.

They just stood there in silence for several minutes. She looked out the window. He looked at the wall in front of him but kept sneaking glances at her. She was more beautiful than he remembered. She was almost five years older but she didn't seem to have aged a single day. She still had her bangs and her lips were just as full and red as he remembered. She was wearing a black simple pants suit that showed of her curves in a modest way. It was as if it were five years earlier. Except it wasn't.

"So..." He started, painfully dragging out the words and finally got her eyes on him. "Ehrm... You're back."

"I'm back." She answered tentatively.

"Is it okay if I ask why?" Hotch asked. She probably had her reasons but he really didn't have any right asking. No, he changed his mind, he did have the right to know one of those reasons.

"Of course, Hotch." She said giving him a small smile. The first smile she'd given him in a horribly long time. "I needed a change of environment and my heart never really left the BAU." She said looking down at her feet again. He didn't know how to interpret that. "Don't get me wrong I loved heading that unit in New York but this, the BAU, always was my passion. It pulled me back."

His heart sank a little deeper. Obviously she meant that her heart never left this office and this job. She hadn't meant him. He took a deep breath. He had to ask. She didn't know that he knew and apparently she wasn't intending on telling him. Not now anyway. And he needed so desperately to know.

"Emily..." He said pulling her attention back to his face. "I saw you by chance last Friday. In the park." He turned his dark gaze on her eyes and he saw the light bulb slowly becoming brighter above her head and her mouth formed a perfect circle. "I need to know. That little girl. Is she... Is she my daughter?"

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**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know what you thought. For now this will be updated on Wednesdays, hope that's okay will all of you.**

**x Sussi**


	3. When it happened

**A/N: Thank you all for reading, reviewing, alerting and putting this story as your favorite! It's very much appreciated!**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter three – When it happened**

Emily took a few short stumbling steps back. His question had pulled the rug, unceremoniously, out from under her feet. Maybe it shouldn't have. Maybe she should have expected it. This was Hotch after all. But she just hadn't seen it coming. She'd really thought that JJ was the only one on the team who knew about Gracie. Grace Anne Hotchner. Her and Hotch's beautiful little girl.

She had wanted to tell him so many times during the last four years. She'd written a mountain of letters and emails, but she'd never sent any of them. She'd picked up the phone and dialed the first few digits of his number countless times, but never got to that final fateful digit.

She'd never had the courage to go through with it. She had kicked herself hard many times for being such a coward. But that didn't change the fact that she was scared of what he would say. Of what he would do. Terrified of looking into those deep dark eyes, that had used to provide her with warmth and solace, and seeing only disappointment and anger.

When she first found out she was pregnant, a month after she had left him, she'd still been mad at him for letting her go and at herself for leaving without telling him how she really felt.

And she'd been sad. She had been certain that he didn't love her. That the only feelings he had for her were feelings of lust and perhaps of friendship. He'd never let her believe otherwise

Deep down in some tucked away corner she did suspect that he really had loved her. But she had never wanted to ask in case the answer wasn't the one she wanted. It was cowardly, yes. But it was self-preservation.

**September 2010**

Her hands shaking, Emily picked up her cell phone from the coffee table and dialed the only person she knew would understand. After a few rings her comfortingly familiar voice sounded at the other end.

"Agent Jareau." JJ answered, her voice sleepy and Emily cursed herself for not checking the time before she called.

"JJ." Emily said, her frazzled voice quickly acting as a cold shower for her friend.

"Emily?" JJ answered, her concern about the wobbly quality to her friend's voice evident immediately. They hadn't talked in almost two weeks and now Emily was calling late at night and sounding like she'd been crying. "Honey, what's wrong? Has something happened?"

There was a long paused. Emily took slow shaking breaths, trying to gather enough will to just spit it out.

"I'm pregnant." She whispered, afraid that if she said it too loud it would become even more real than it already was.

"What!" JJ asked, completely stunned. "Who..?" She couldn't even get the entire question out. She hadn't even known that Emily was dating anyone. She had just moved to New York and there hadn't been anyone she'd been seeing back in DC. Had there?

"Hotch." Emily said, her voice still barely above a whisper. "He's the father."

"What?" JJ exclaimed but quickly calmed herself down, her being shocked wouldn't help Emily who was obviously shocked and confused herself.

"We'd been seeing each other for about a month when I left." Emily explained quietly. "I'm about two months along."

"Are you still together?" JJ asked, hoping the answer wouldn't be the one she was expecting. "Then why did you leave?"

"Uhm..." Emily dragged out a slow breath. "_He_ was the reason I left." She said, inhaling deeply. "But JJ, I really don't want to get into that right now."

"It's okay, Em. I won't push you." JJ assured her. "We're on stand down for five days in a week. I'll come and visit you then and you can tell me everything."

"Thank you, JJ." Emily told her friend, immensely grateful that JJ didn't prod and poke.

"Just tell me this. Are you going to tell him?" JJ asked, Emily's voice was the smallest JJ had ever heard it and it worried her. But her mind also drifted to Hotch, he'd had enough bad things happen to him for this lifetime and the next. This might finally be a good thing, even considering the circumstances.

"_No_, I can't do that to him!" Emily exclaimed, the volume of her voice finally rising. "I'd never want to burden him like that."

"You wouldn't be burdening him, Emily. He'd be thrilled." JJ tried telling her, but it fell on deaf ears. Apparently Emily had already made up her mind that she wasn't going to tell Hotch anything. And for all the wrong reasons.

"It hasn't even been a year since Haley died. He's still recovering and he's still adjusting to being a single dad. I can't dump this on him too." Emily said, sadness filling her voice. "I know he wouldn't back down from a responsibility and it would be like I trapped him. I can't do that to him. I can't do that to Jack. Bring someone into his life that would take his father away from him."

"Why do you think he'd feel trapped?" JJ asked, astonished that Emily would think something like that of Hotch. To her it was obvious that he adored the very ground Emily walked on. She didn't understand why Emily didn't see that.

"He doesn't love me." Emily sighed. "We'd only been together a month and it was rocky the whole time." She paused a second, choosing her words. "Our relationship was mainly about... sex." She said finally, bluntly.

"And that makes you think he doesn't love you?" JJ asked, not convinced by Emily's words. Hotch and Emily had been close friends up until a few weeks before she left. She couldn't ever imagine that either Hotch or Emily had entered into a relationship solely for physical reasons. It wasn't like them at all.

"He doesn't, JJ. Please don't tell him anything." She pleaded. "I can't do this to him."

"I won't tell him." JJ promised reluctantly. "But trust me Em. I am sure that this would only make him happy. He would love and cherish that little baby."

Emily knew that he would. But she feared that there also would be that little part of him that would regret ever being with her and their child would be a constant reminder. Maybe it'd be hidden somewhere deep within him where it'd be almost impossible to find, but at some point it would surface. And that would make him miserable. He'd hate himself for feeling something like that and she just couldn't do that to him. She wouldn't.

**July 2015**

Emily swallowed thickly. The memory of her frantic phone call to JJ almost brought tears to her eyes. She wished that the liaison had just dragged her back to Quantico that weekend when she had visited her in New York. When she still had time to make the right decision. A week after those two little lines had turned pink and changed her whole life forever.

If only she had told Hotch back then when she'd first found out. He might have got angry with her. He might have felt trapped. But she was sure that those feelings wouldn't have been half as bad as the hurt that he was feeling right now must be.

She'd spent several sleepless nights, after her decision to leave New York and go back to DC had been made, thinking about him. Dreaming about the perfect reunion, but all the while knowing that it was impossible. Dreading telling him the truth. She knew that she would have to tell him. She'd just thought that she'd get a chance to pick the moment to do it.

"Emily..." Hotch's voice, sounding so little like the normal stoic Agent Hotchner, dragged her back. "Please, I just need to know."

She pulled a deep breath, filling her lungs to the brim. "_Yes_." She whispered, looking into his uncharacteristically emotion filled eyes.

She knew she'd seen that tint of emotion coloring his eyes before. The day they had the big fight. The day she should have just backed down and not overreacted so damn hard.

He didn't say anything. He just took a few steps back as though someone had slapped him. And really wasn't that just what she'd done? Given him a figurative slap across the face.

He knocked against the front of his desk and he sank down on it absentmindedly. Scrubbing a hand over his deeply furrowed forehead he kept his eyes adverted from her.

This wasn't what she had imagined. Of course she knew that he wouldn't take it well. How could he? But she'd been on the other end of angry Hotch before and that was the reaction she'd expected. She'd expected him to be seething and shouting, boiling over. Not this. Not so defeated.

"Hotch?" She took a few steps towards him. "Please... Say something." She didn't know how to handle his silence. He kept his eyes adverted and his lips were pursed tightly together forming a thin line across his face. A face that she thought looked even harder than it used to.

She took a few more steps slowly closing in on him. She wasn't even sure if he was aware that she was still in the room or not. Just as she was reaching out to place a small hand on his broad shoulder his eyes flew open and he looked directly at her.

Emily stepped back, startled by his sudden movement. His eyes stayed on her this time but still no words left his lips. She looked deep into his sad brown eyes, willing him to talk to her. She'd even take a furiously shouting Hotch over what she was getting.

"Aaron." She said, using his given name for the first time in a very long while.

Hearing that name leave her lips jolted him back. He scrubbed his hand over his face again, the motion buying him another few seconds. He didn't want her to hear his unsteady voice. Finally breathing in deeply he looked Emily straight in the eye.

"What's her name?" He asked, his voice staying calm and not betraying him.

"Grace." Emily answered, breathing deep relief that he'd finally spoken. She gave him what she hoped he took as a warm smile. "Grace Anne Hotchner."

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**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a review and tell me what you thought!**

**x Sussi**

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	4. Explaining the inexplicable

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**Here I am playing the 'creative license' card. I've tried to find out how it works in the US when giving a child their last name, but strangely I couldn't find anything. Let's say for the sake of the story that you can give a child the father's last name without having to tell him...**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter four – ****Explaining the inexplicable**

"Hotchner... Grace _Hotchner_?" Hotch said, echoing Emily's words. Turning he drew his gaze away from her face again. He felt tears poking at his eyes and didn't dare to look at her. Looking at her might cause him to brake down, and Aaron Hotchner does not break down. He clenched his teeth tightly together.

"Yes." Emily whispered, her voice as calm as she could muster. "I've never lied about who Gracie's father is..."

"Except to me... her father." Hotch cut her off, his voice icy. He felt angry. But instead of his usual crashing rage, the kind of anger he thought he would feel, he felt it quietly burning, slowly scolding his insides.

"Right..." Emily said slowly, her voice breaking and tears pushing their way through her tear ducts. "I'm so sorry Aaron," she said, trying to grasp his hand, but her when her fingers grazed the back of his he flinched and pulled away as if he'd been burned.

"Don't," Hotch bit out. "Just tell me why. Why didn't you tell me? Why did you feel like you had the right to keep something like that, _my daughter_, from me for _four_ years?"

"I... I..." Emily stuttered. She closed her eyes, large teardrops spilling over and felt her knees bend. She stumbled. Then a warm hand grasped her elbow and she felt herself being pulled forwards.

"Sit," Hotch said, a slight tint of warm compassion melting a little of the ice in his voice, and pulled on her elbow.

Emily sat. She took a deep breath, brushed away a stray tear and looked at Hotch sitting on the desk just a foot away. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I know nothing I say can ever forgive my actions, but maybe I can try to at least begin to explain them."

Hotch didn't say anything, he just nodded slowly, his eyes still not meeting hers. She drew a deep breath and continued.

"I was scared, Hotch," she said, looking at him even though he eluded her gaze. "I knew you'd never walk away from a responsibility and you wouldn't walk out on your child..."

"You're right. I wouldn't." Hotch said, turning his eyes back to hers. "If you knew that then why didn't you tell me? I had the right to know." His voice was cold again and it made her spine shiver.

"You did," Emily said. "But it wasn't even a year after... uhm...after Haley passed and you were still adjusting to that life. To being a single father to Jack. I couldn't have dropped that huge bomb on you too." Her voice was steady, but her insides felt like they were planning their escape.

"That was not your decision to make." Hotch said.

"I know." Emily answered. "I was being selfish."

"Yes you were."

"I know, I'm sorry." Tears were staining her cheeks and she was inwardly cursing her inability to compartmentalize this particular situation. "I was afraid of what you'd say. I was afraid of rejection. Our relationship wasn't a very stable one, Aaron." She took a deep breath. "But I was in love with you and I couldn't take you telling me that you weren't in love with me. It was selfish, I know!" The last few words came out in a sob and she felt her anger with herself rising. She knew she was still in love with him. Why couldn't she just get over him and move on?

Hotch looked at her and slowly felt her words melt through his skin. He wished that there were some way that he could tell her that he had been in love with her too. That he, on some level, still was very much in love with her. At the moment he could barely look at her. But deep down the flame was still flickering.

"I'm aware that our relationship wasn't perfect," he said, pretending that her declaration hadn't happened. "And I am prepared to own up to my part in making that relationship unstable. But..." He looked her in the eyes for the first time in several minutes. "But I wished you would have told me Emily."

"I know," she said sighing. She'd been able to will away the last remaining tears and the only evidence left of her break down were the thin traces of mascara on her cheeks. "So do I."

They stayed quiet for a few more minutes. Emily took a few deep breaths to regain what little was left of her composure. Hotch was once again lost in thought, his brow deeply furrowed.

"Uhm..." Emily got off the chair. "I'm going to go," she said. "I'll be back tomorrow to join the rest of the team." She paused, looking at him worried. "That is if you still want me on the team. I'll understand if you don't."

"I still want you on the team, Emily," Hotch said, shaking his head a bit. "You've always been an integral part of the success of this team and I will be able to put aside any differences and have a professional relationship."

Her heart sank at his word. "Thank you, Hotch," she said and turned towards the door. After a couple of steps she stopped and turned back around. Opening her purse she walked back to Hotch as she pulled out her wallet. Opening it, she took out a small photo and placed it on the desk in front of him. She didn't have the strength to touch his hands.

Hotch looked down and picked up the small photo. It showed a tiny raven haired girl sitting behind a huge chocolate cake with a dollop of frosting on her nose. She was grinning widely at the camera, probably at her mother. He felt his whole body grow warmer looking at her face. She looked like the perfect mix of her parents. She had her mother's sparkling brown eyes and full red lips. And she had his dimples and high cheekbones. She was perfect.

"It's from her fourth birthday." Emily broke his reverie. "On the 18th of May." She gave him a smile that he didn't see. He didn't look up from the photo.

As she turned and walked through his door he looked up and spoke quietly. "Thank you."

* * *

JJ flipped through the case file in her hand, sighed softly and flopped it back onto her desk to join the countless other case files on there. Just when she picked up her fifteenth file for the day a slight tap was heard at her door. "Come in," she said.

The door creaked open and a dark head poked through it. JJ felt the frown on her face slowly changing into a bright smile. "Emily!" she exclaimed as the rest of the woman came through the door. She sat down in the chair opposite JJ. "That's right, today is your first day back." She smiled at her friend.

"Technically tomorrow is my first official day back." Emily arched an eyebrow. "Today was just the 'turn Hotch's world upside down' day." She gave her a weak smile and JJ saw the faintest trace of mascara on one of Emily's cheeks. Had she been crying?

"What do you mean?" JJ said. "I thought you weren't telling him until later."

"He already knew," she told her softly.

"How? Emily, I promise I haven't..." JJ began, but Emily held up a hand and cut her off.

"I know, Jayje." She smiled. "He saw us a few days ago in the park. He asked me a direct question and I was never going to lie to him. I know what I did was wrong and he deserves to know her."

"How is Gracie?" JJ said, changing the subject slightly. She didn't want to pester Emily with questions about Hotch. They'd talked about it over and over again and it always had the same effect on Emily. It always made her cry. She hid the tears, but they were there.

"She's great." Emily's features softened at the mention of her daughter. "She's taking the move better than I am. She's already found a favorite swing in the park, a favorite tree and she has named at least twenty of the ducks in the pond."

JJ laughed. "Sounds like she's settling in just fine." She looked at Emily. "How about you? How are you doing?"

"It's a little overwhelming, being back." She turned away. "Seeing Hotch again. I had my doubts about coming back and I won't lie, I've been having trouble sleeping the last few weeks."

"But..." JJ pushed a little. She wanted Emily to say it out loud.

"But I knew I needed to get back to DC." Emily said, picking nervously at her nails. "Grace needs to know her dad and Hotch needs to know his daughter."

"And that's it?" JJ said, knowing that Emily probably wouldn't admit to anything more just yet. She, on the other hand, had talked a lot with Emily over the last few years and to her it was obvious that she was still deeply in love with Hotch and she suspected that had been one of the reasons Emily had accepted the offer to rejoin the BAU.

"That's it," Emily said. "I don't have a hidden agenda, if that's what you mean," she told JJ. At her friend's wide eyes she hastily added. "Sorry, Jayje. I guess I'm not doing as well as I would like to. But I shouldn't take that out on you." She reached across the desk and squeezed one of JJ's hands.

"Don't worry about it." JJ smiled at her. "Hey, why don't you and Grace come over for dinner tonight. We don't have any new cases so I'll be home at an okay time. And I'm sure that Will and Henry would love to meet little Gracie that they've heard so much about."

"We'd love to." Emily gave JJ a warm smile. "Thank you."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope that you enjoyed it, please review and let me know!**

**x Sussi**

**Don't forget...**

**Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.**


	5. Life's too short

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! It's very much appreciated!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home **

**Chapter five – Life's too short**

David Rossi breathed a sigh of relief as he finally crossed the last t and dotted the last i in the very last case file for the day. The mountain of paperwork that had met him that morning was finally reduced to a molehill after several hours of hard work and he was ready to go home and enjoy a nice rare steak and a glass of Cabernet. As he stood to get his briefcase a curse slipped out when his cell phone started buzzing in his pocket.

Checking the name and the time on the display, he quietly wondered why he was getting a call at this hour. The person calling him had left, for once at a normal hour, almost three hours earlier. To go home, or that was at least what Rossi had thought he had done.

"Aaron?" he said, the eyebrow cocked in question evident in his tone. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need a favor," Hotch said tersely, taking Rossi by surprise with the way he slurred a little over the words.

"Of course," Rossi said, wondering what was going to come next. "What do you need, Hotch?"

"A ride," Hotch said, a severe cold front lingering in his voice. When Rossi didn't respond he continued reluctantly. "I'm at a bar and I've had a bit too much to drink." He groaned, he'd actually had a lot too much to drink. "Just come and get me." He sighed.

"Where are you?"

"Some bar," Hotch said, growing impatient with the older man. "The one where we went for Garcia's birthday."

"I know which one you mean," Rossi told him, his mind conjuring up different scenarios behind him having to pick up a drunk Hotch. "I'll be there soon, don't go anywhere and Aaron... stop drinking."

He heard how Hotch growled and hung up. Then he tossed his cell in his brief case and took off towards the academy parking garage.

* * *

Emily glanced in the rear-view mirror, checking on Gracie sitting in her booster seat in the back of the dark sedan. She was looking intently out the window, watching the houses and trees flashing by.

"You okay, honey?" Emily asked her daughter.

"Yeah, Mommy," Grace said, not taking her eyes off the blurred pictures swirling by outside, her feet drumming against the seat.

Emily smiled. Her daughter loved speeding along the motorway. It was one of the many things she said made butterflies fly in her tummy. She certainly was a little dare devil. Which probably wasn't all that strange considering who her parents were. Emily sighed. That thought made a small burst of sadness poke at her heart.

The same sadness that had filled her heart every time, for the last four years, when she had noticed traits in Grace that reminded her of Hotch. She was just four years old but had a very strong sense of principles. And she had the best glare Emily had ever seen, even better than her father's. She could get any kid to give up the swing they were using just by looking at them. Emily had tried to explain to her that she shouldn't use her stare on other children, but the truth was that she loved her daughter's steely gaze so much she could never keep that conversation serious.

"Mommy?" Grace's voice filled the air again, nudging away her inner musings.

She looked in the rear-view mirror again and looked into Grace's eyes. She had tilted her head to the side, a sign Emily knew meant that she'd been thinking about something hard before speaking up. "What's the matter, sweetness?" She said, smiling at her daughter.

Grace took a deep breath, like she knew her mom did when preparing to say something important. "When are we going to meet Daddy?"

Emily startled. She had expected that the question would come, it had done so before. She hadn't told anyone yet, not even JJ, but the main reason behind her moving back to DC was that Grace had begun asking about her dad and she had known that she couldn't keep her from him any longer.

**April 2015**

Emily smiled as she watched Grace walking towards her with determined steps, her little face scrunched up, deep in thought. The last time her almost four year old daughter had come to her looking like that she had asked if she could have a guinea pig. A request that Emily had gently denied. She'd told Gracie that she was still too young to care for another little life. The tears that had followed had not been pretty, even though Emily had promised to consider it again when Grace was a bit older.

Well, that was three months ago and Grace was almost four, maybe she thought that she was old enough now and wanted to reopen the debate. So Emily braced herself as the little feet stopped a few inches from the armchair she was sitting in.

"Mommy?" she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Emily bit her lip, Grace looked so much like Hotch.

"You know Taylor, from daycare." She looked up at Emily waiting for her to affirm that she knew who she was talking about. When she received a nod and a smile she continued, "Well you know, her mommy and daddy, they live together in the same house. Why don't we live with my daddy?"

Emily just sat there. For a good couple of minutes. She'd been expecting to have the guinea pig conversation again, not the daddy conversation. She had tried to explain the situation to Grace before, at least as well as she could. She wanted Grace to know that she had an amazing father, but because of some special circumstances, one of them being that they lived in different cities, they couldn't live together.

"Come here." She pulled Grace onto her lap and cuddled her close. "I told you, honey, remember," she said, her voice a bit shaky. "Daddy lives in another town than us."

"Can't we move to the same town as Daddy?" Grace said, her brow arched in delight at the simple solution. "Then we could see each other every day."

**July 2015**

That conversation had happened about two weeks after Emily had received an offer to return to the BAU. They had a new reworked budget and the Director wanted the teams to return to their original sizes. Since Emily had been with the team previously and was an experienced profiler, she got the offer to return. At first she'd been reluctant to do it, going back and facing Hotch scared her to the core. But in the back of her mind she knew she wanted to do it, for several reasons, and when Grace had asked about her dad Emily had known that she couldn't put off going back to DC and facing the reality any longer.

"Soon, honey," she said, managing a small smile. "We'll meet Daddy soon."

* * *

Rossi walked into the crowded bar, scanning the dusky room as he searched for Hotch. He didn't know what to expect. This wasn't the first time he'd had to come and pick up an inebriated friend at a bar, but it certainly was the first time he'd ever had to come and get Aaron Hotchner.

Spotting him sitting alone at a small table near the back he had to stop for a second. Had he not already spoken to Hotch and known that the man was not in a particularly good mood he would have thought he was looking at a fairly successful night out. However it was only eight o'clock in the evening and nothing good could have lead to the unit chief looking like this.

His eyes were red-rimmed, his suit jacket flung over the back of the seat, his hair messed up. Rossi grew worried. What in the world had caused Aaron to act like this?

He took the last few remaining steps up to the table and stood next to him. Hotch didn't notice him standing there. "_Uh-hrrm..._" Rossi cleared his throat. Hotch flinched but didn't turn around, so Rossi took the seat next to him. He could see what was holding Hotch's attention captive. A photo. Hotch was clutching it tightly, so he couldn't really see what it was of.

"Aaron." He said, and finally Hotch tore his eyes away from the photo. "What's the matter?" he asked, eying the empty beer bottles and the drained tumbler on the table.

"This." Hotch said, shoving the photo at him.

Rossi took the photo and looked it over. The little girl in it looked to be about four or five with long dark hair and brown eyes. She was smiling widely, little dimples poking her cheeks. He raised an eyebrow. "Who is this, Aaron?"

"My daughter." Hotch told him, his lips barely moving making the words come out in a low hiss.

Rossi examined the picture again. "She's Emily's." He stated, simply, no real surprise to his tone. He'd seen enough in his days to pretty much stop being surprised by things.

Hotch nodded. "She is." He sighed. "How did you know?"

"Morgan told me that Emily is back," he said. "And there's really no question who this little girl's mother is."

"No, there isn't." Hotch ran a hand over his face. "And I'm her dad and Emily kept her from me for four years."

"So you decided to solve this problem by drinking a gallon of alcohol?"

"No." Hotch scowled at him. "I just wound up here and I thought I'd have a drink. Then I didn't feel like going home just yet so I had one more."

"And then another ten?"

"Oh, just shut up and drive me home." Hotch snapped, snatching the photo from the table and getting up. "Come on. Let's go." He said and started walking towards the exit, his legs wobbling a little.

Rossi followed closely behind, prepared to catch him should any alcohol infused dizziness set in. He'd parked just outside so there was no long walk in tensed silence or any trouble finding the car. They just walked side by side through the humid air to Rossi's Range Rover.

Watching Hotch fumble a little with the seat belt, but eventually managing to strap himself in, Rossi took a deep breath as he tried to choose his next words as wisely as possible.

"How did you find out?" He decided to tread carefully, he knew he could be a bulldozer at times and that usually gave him the results he wanted, but it probably wouldn't help him any here.

"I saw them in the park on Friday. You saw the picture, there's no way that little girl isn't mine so I asked her and she confirmed it."

Hotch looked down at his lap and Rossi feared for a second that he was going to get sick all over his expensive leather seats, but he just let out a deep breath and turned to look out the window.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, after several minutes of silence, where he had focused on his driving and Hotch had stared out the window. The answer was rather obvious, but he wanted Hotch to say it out loud. Nothing good would come from bottling up his hurt and anger.

"How do you think I am feeling?" Hotch said, lips curled in a snarl.

"I'd say not so good, judging from the alcohol fumes." Rossi said, in a vain attempt at lightening the thick tension inside the dark car. After a few more silent moments he continued. "You should forgive her," he said. "Life's too short for holding grudges, even when a person has done something like this..." He trailed off, not wanting to go into what Emily had done, they both knew it.

"Why should I forgive her?"

"Well, for one thing because you love her and for another, whatever the circumstances, you now share a child."

"What makes you say that I love her."

"Please Aaron, anyone with eyes have been able to see the love you have for her since the moment you first saw her."

"Well, I don't anymore." Hotch bit out and returned his full attention to the scenery flashing by outside the window.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought, this is the most challenging story I've written and reviews makes the writing go easier :)**

**Don't forget to nominate your favorite stories in the Profiler's Choice Awards – check out ilovetvalot's forum Chit Chat on Author's Corner for more information!**

**x Sussi**


	6. Thrown back in head first

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Hope that you will enjoy.**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter six – Thrown back in head first **

Hotch pulled in a slow breath. He winced uncomfortably. Even that small action was making his head pound. His index and middle fingers rubbed slow circles against his temples in a vain attempt to still the grinding headache. Grabbing the glass of water standing on his desk, he downed the last of its contents in one large swig.

Scrubbing a hand over his face he felt yesterday's light stubble scratching his palm. Every other day he wouldn't have taken a step into the office without looking perfectly put together, but that morning he had just not been up to shaving. He hadn't really been up to anything. He'd just rolled out of bed, taken a shower – he drew the line at smelling even when horribly hung over – and he'd gone to work

He was very well aware that it had been completely irresponsible and careless of him to go on a bender, like the one he had been on, on a Monday night. Or at all, really. But he had needed to lose that little bit of control. Just for one night. He didn't know what he would have done otherwise. All he had wanted to do was to drive over to Emily's place and demand to see his daughter. He had wanted to scream and to shout. But his damned rational mind had cut in and stopped him. Of course he couldn't do that. So he had gone to a bar instead and he had got drunk, foolish as that may have been.

And for a brief moment he had managed to fill the hole inside of him, the hole that Emily had torn, with shots of scotch that had pleasantly warmed his insides. But after a while the scotch had drained and he was left with the same cold and empty feeling that he had begun with.

And the throbbing headache, he was now nursing, to add to that.

He squinted at the door, at the faint stream of light peeking into his otherwise dim office. He had the blinds pulled shut, the only other light in the room coming from a floor lamp in the far corner. The harsh florescent lights in the bullpen would be too much for his sensitive retinas. He groaned deeply as he heard a crash and a loud squeal coming from outside his door, he could keep out the light but not the merry sounds of the members on his team.

He could hear Garcia's chirping voice. Her exact words couldn't quite make it through his door but from the ones that did sneak inside he could tell that she was excitedly showering Emily with joyous greetings.

He sighed. He had to man up, he couldn't prolong this anymore and he definitely couldn't go out and get hammered again. He needed to talk to Emily. They had to come to some kind of agreement, find some common ground to stand on. He had promised her a professional relationship. That was the only relationship that he could promise her, but he needed so desperately to see his daughter and to be a part of her life.

He pushed his chair back and heaved himself out of it. Slow, dull steps took him to the door and a heavy hand turned the doorknob. He took a few steps forward and looked down at the women on his team who, together with Reid, were exchanging hugs and happy squeals with Emily.

He felt robbed. Had the circumstances surrounding her return been any different then he would have been down there too. Hugging her. Breathing in the flowery scent of her hair. But instead he was standing by himself, about to call her into his office to have a, what was sure to be awkward, talk about their daughter. The daughter he didn't even know he had until just one day ago. His head throbbed harder as he took the last few steps up to the railing.

"Prentiss!" His voice cut through the room. It was sharp and cold and it got the attention of every ear in the bullpen. Emily, who'd had her back turned against him, startled and whipped around. "My office, please." He said, his voice softening a little so that he wouldn't raise suspicion. To everyone else they were just a former supervisor and subordinate who had been reunited, and that was the way it was going to stay.

Walking through the door he hit the light switch, the light flickering on making his every cell flinch. Closing the door behind them he turned to look at her. She was standing in the middle of the room, studying him with caution in her pretty brown eyes. Against his will he felt guilty, he didn't want her to feel nervous every time they were in the same room. "Please sit," he said, forcing himself to keep his voice void of any emotion, as he made his way to sit down in his own chair.

"Emily," he said as he watched her take a seat in front of him. "I realize that we both are a bit... _uncomfortable_... being alone together," he let his eyes rest carefully on her face, "but we need to talk about Grace."

Emily closed her eyes and her breath hitched in her throat as he said their daughter's name. A little flutter grazed her and for a brief moment she imagined herself and Grace happy together with Hotch. But she stopped herself. He was nothing but clear about his feelings. Being in the same room as her was making him uncomfortable. He wanted to have a relationship with his daughter. Not one with her.

She opened her eyes, Hotch was slowly examining her, waiting for her to say something. "Of course," she said. "whatever you want, Hotch."

"First of all I want to meet her, as soon as possible," he said. His was voice firm but gentle. It wasn't his intention to come off as harsh, but he didn't want to pad around the issue either. "Then I want some sort of custody arrangement."

Emily nodded. He could see the trepidation in the little worry wrinkle creasing her brow. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I know you didn't do any of this to hurt me, Emily," he said. "I need to have a relationship with my daughter, but I don't want anyone to get hurt in the process. I'm sure we can work something out between the two of us."

Emily opened her mouth to respond but her words were cut off by a knock at the door. Turning she saw JJ peeking in with a stack of folders in her hands.

"Sorry," JJ said, looking nervously between them, making Hotch wonder just how much about the current situation she really knew. "There's a case," she said. "We'll probably have to leave as soon as possible."

"Get the others, JJ," Hotch said, "we'll be there in a few minutes."

JJ left, closing the door behind her, and Hotch turned back to Emily. "We'll continue this conversation when this case is over. Trust me Emily, I just want a relationship with my daughter, I don't want to hurt you. I won't take it to court."

Emily smiled at him. A small, guarded smile. She was relieved and immensely grateful that he was willing to work this out between the two of them, despite the fact that she had proven to be so untrustworthy.

* * *

Morgan arched an eyebrow at JJ as she walked through the door to the conference room. "Are they coming?" he said, tilting his head to look behind her back.

"They're on their way," JJ said, as she took her place by the whiteboard. "They just had to finish up some stuff."

"What stuff?" Morgan said, he had wondered what Hotch and Emily had been talking about behind closed doors.

"I don't know," JJ said, her tone slightly defensive. "Some bureaucratic paperwork stuff, I guess."

She didn't look at him, but she didn't have to, he knew that she was lying. There definitely was something more going on there. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Emily yet. Yesterday she just met with Strauss and Hotch and then she had left before he'd had a chance to even say hello. This morning she had been in Hotch's office when he'd got in. Garcia had told him that not even fifteen minutes after Emily had arrived, Hotch had summoned her. And he had apparently not looked too happy.

Something was off and he was going to find out what it was.

He didn't get any further in his planning because Hotch chose that moment to stride into the room, closely followed by Emily. He didn't stop to make any announcement regarding her return, he just took the file from the table and looked at JJ.

"What have we got, JJ?"

"Three women killed within six days and one missing since late last night in Charleston, South Carolina. Local PD is desperate for our help."

"We'll brief on the jet," Hotch said, beginning to make his way out of the room. "Wheels up in thirty."

He left, followed by Rossi, JJ and Reid all scrambling out to get their go bags and prepare themselves for another case. Emily, however, stayed seated and Morgan stopped next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She flinched and he drew back his hand.

"Whoa, Em. What's the matter?" he said.

"Nothing," she turned and gave him a smile, "I just though you had left."

"I was just going to," he said. "You coming?

"Yeah, in a second. I just have to make a quick phone call first. You go ahead without me." She gave him another, slightly apologetic, smile.

"Alright." Morgan said, raising a brow in question. As he left Emily, sitting alone in the conference room, two questions filled his mind. One. Why was Emily acting so strange? Two. Did it have anything to do with her private conversation with Hotch this morning?

Actually, when he thought about it, he had one more question; Whatever it was, was it going to hurt the team?

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Please let me know what you think! **

**Reviewer no. 100 will get the flashback of their choice written for them. Say you want a cute Emily/Grace scene or a steamy Emily/Hotch flashback – I will write that and PM or email it to you! So go on, review! (to those who review but aren't no. 100 – you'll get something too)**

**Yay! CM premiere tonight! You lucky people, I have to wait til tomorrow morning to watch it and I can't wait!**

**x Sussi**

**Don't forget...**

**Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.**


	7. Baby steps

**A/N: It's CM premiere week, let's have another chapter! **

**This chapter is a very good example of when a story takes on a life of its own. This chapter wasn't supposed to have a flashback– but it does. Guess this also proofs that there's only one thing on my mind :)**

**To those who reviewed chapter 6 – look out for a little extra flashback in your inbox sometime soon :) If you don't have an account, but reviewed (fanficlover, SSAEmmy and Notaregular), let me know your email and I'll send you the extra scene. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter seven – Baby steps**

The hotel was one of the nicer ones they'd stayed at in quite some time. Wood paneled walls in the lobby and plush carpets in every room. The long corridor, leading up to their rooms, was lined with large panoramic windows giving a great view of the dark night sky. It was all picture perfect.

Hotch, however, didn't notice. He walked along the corridor intent on getting to his hotel room. He had stayed at the police station a little longer than the others, but after a while even he'd had to yield to fatigue and he'd had to finally admit that he wasn't doing any good by staying at the station all night. Now he just wanted to get to bed as soon as possible, so that he could get up bright and early to continue the chase.

The corridor was quiet, the other hotel guests either out or already in bed. He could hear his own footfalls against the soft carpet as he trod along. He stuck his hand in the pocket of his suit jacket, looking for the key card.

Then a sound flitted through the air, slowly pushing away the silence. It came from further down the hall, round a corner, and it sounded like softly spoken words. He stopped and listened intently. He recognized the voice almost immediately. It belonged to Emily.

He took a few more steps forward. Looking round the corner he could see her standing by one of the large windows, looking out at the twinkling lights. She had her cell phone pressed to her ear. Even though he couldn't see her face he could tell that she was tense, her taut shoulders rolled up in knots.

Seeing her like that he couldn't help how his mind traveled back in time to when he had been the only one with the powers to untie those knots.

**July 2010**

"Lie on your stomach," he said, his dimples poking through as he trailed a finger down her spine.

"What?" she said, turning and raising a well manicured brow at him.

"You're so tense that your shoulders are touching your ears," he said, chuckling, his voice deep and rumbling. "Let me help you with that." He let his fingers play over one of her shoulders, carefully molding them to her creamy skin.

Emily smiled and flopped on her stomach. There was no need for her to strip off any clothes, she was already naked. They had spent a lazy Saturday afternoon in bed together. Doing what they did best.

He straddled her, shifting his weight so that she would be comfortable. He ran his fingers over the silky skin on her bare back, feeling the taut muscles slowly yielding to his ministrations. As he pressed the heels of his hands against her shoulder blades she exhaled a deep satisfied breath.

He smirked. "Feels good?" he said, rolling the soft flesh under his large palms.

"_Mmmhmm_." She purred and it made him laugh. The cool and collected Agent Prentiss, slowly melting into a satisfied puddled under his hands, that was indeed a sight for the gods.

He took his time, slowly erasing every little kink. His hands caressed every inch of her smooth back, gliding from her shoulders down to the curve of her hip, kneading her muscles. Bending down he placed soft kisses on her back. One on each shoulder blade and a heated trail along her spine. Turning and wrapping her arms around him, Emily pulled him close and captured his lips with hers in a kiss filled to the brim with passion.

**July 2015**

Hotch shook his head. He couldn't let his mind wander down that path. It was a dark and treacherous road and it would only lead to difficult situations. Where someone would get hurt. He turned to walk away, back to his room to take a cold shower, he didn't want to eavesdrop on her private conversation. But then a few of her words caught his attention.

"It's alright, Gracie honey. Mommy will be back home soon," he heard her say and he froze to the ground. He listened to her soft voice reassuring her, _their_, daughter. Her tone was one he'd never heard her use before. It was warm and soft and he realized how much he loved listening to it. A small smile ghosted across his lips as he listened to Emily's side of the conversation.

"You did?" she said and he could hear the smile in her voice. "You went on the highest slide?" She laughed a little and he felt a stab of pain that he couldn't hear what Grace had told her. "I am so proud of you, honey."

He kept listening. After a few minutes he could hear Emily's voice shifting. She stopped laughing and the smile started to sound forced.

"Hopefully in just a couple of days, honey." She sounded solemn and he knew that Grace had asked once more when Emily was coming home. He knew because he'd had that conversation with Jack so many times and every single one of those times had broken his heart a little bit. And now Emily was going through it and she was going through it alone.

But that wasn't his fault, he reminded himself. He would have gladly had all those talks with Grace, if Emily would have just let him. Now that was changing. He was going to be just as involved in Grace's life as he was in Jack's. Whether Emily would let him or not. Nothing would be able stop him.

"Good night, sweetness. I'll talk to you tomorrow," Emily said, hanging up the phone. He turned around, to walk away. He didn't want her to know that he'd been listening in. He took a careful step but was stopped by her voice behind him.

"Aaron?"

He could hear her voice shake and how she sniffled a little and he turned around. "Sorry," he said, giving her a small smile. "I wasn't eavesdropping. I heard you say her name and I just couldn't leave."

"It's fine," Emily said, trying to wipe away the tears, slowly making their way down her cheek, as discreetly as possible. "She's your daughter too. You have every right to know what we were talking about."

"She's wondering when you're coming home" He stated.

"Yeah," Emily said, making another unsuccessful attempt at wiping away an escaped tear without him noticing. "I've never been away from her for longer twelve hours before."

"It'll get easier," he said, reaching out a tentative hand and trailing his fingers along her upper arm.

Emily glanced down at the hand lingering on her arm and she couldn't hold back the tears. It was all just too much. She'd been away from Grace for sixteen hours and she was starting to struggle. She glanced up at Hotch under tear-stained lashes. He had been away from Grace for four years. Big wet tears welled up in her eyes.

"Em," Hotch said, rubbing her arm slowly, "don't cry." Seeing her being so vulnerable made him push away any hard feelings he might have towards her. Despite everything that had happened he still felt an automatic urge to protect her. The things that she had done should have erased all those feelings, but he knew that it hadn't, it had just pushed them deeper inside him. This just made him realize that at times they would float to the surface.

"Come," he said, grabbing her arm and gently tugging her along "let's go somewhere and talk for a while. Are you okay with going to my room?"

She smiled and nodded, allowing him to pull her with him towards his room a few feet away. Standing silently behind him, she watched as he fished the key out of his pocket and opened the door. She glanced around the room and smiled at all the familiarities. He'd hung the clothes bag with his suits on the wardrobe door, his extra pair of shoes were standing by the door and she knew that if she checked in the bathroom his shaving kit, soap and toothbrush would all be lined up on the sink. It made her smile through the last few straggling tears. At least that hadn't changed in the last five years.

He took a seat in one of the chairs and she followed, slowly sinking onto to the cushioned seat. Noticing that their knees were close enough to touch, she shifted nervously, drawing away from him. She looked at her hands, she didn't know what to say.

"Tell me something about her," Hotch said, breaking the silence.

"What?" Emily looked up at him.

"Tell me something about Grace."

Emily thought for a moment, thinking about what Hotch would want to hear about. _Everything, Emily. _She chastised herself.

"She's incredibly strong-willed," she finally said, smiling as she could see Grace's glare in front of her. "But I guess that's not so surprising." She looked at him, a little crease appeared between his brows and his lips pursed together. Her small smile failed as she realized just what words she had used. "Sorry," she said. "I don't know why I said it like that."

"Don't, Em," he said. Not because he didn't think she needed to apologize, but because he didn't want to hear it. He just wanted her to tell him something about his daughter. "Just go on." He prompted.

Emily drew a breath, she tried focusing on telling her story about Grace rather than who she was telling it to. She didn't look at him when she continued. "She's just so determined," she said. "She wasn't even a year when she took her first steps."

Her lips tilted in a smile and Hotch could feel a tear prickling his eyes. He pushed it back and continued watching Emily. Her eyes shone as she told him about the time their daughter took her first few steps.

"The determination in her eyes when she pulled herself up and toddled those few steps, it was just so heart warming." She looked up and let her eyes linger on Hotch's. "I could tell how annoyed she would get when she tumbled over the times before she managed to do it for the first time." She chuckled. Their little girl was nothing if not headstrong.

She could see the longing look lingering in his eyes and she wanted to kick herself hard. "I have it on film," she said. "I was lucky enough to have the camera ready, so I managed to catch most of it."

"You did?" His eyes lit up a bit.

"Yeah, I have lots of DVD:s of her," she said, smiling a little at him. "If we're back by Sunday, maybe you could come by to pick up some of them."

"And to meet Grace," he said, sounding almost nervous. Maybe she hadn't meant that.

"Yes," Emily said, smiling wider, "and to meet Grace."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought!**

**x Sussi**

**Don't forget...**

**Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.**


	8. After four long years

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Hope you will enjoy this chapter as well.**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter eight – After four long years**

Emily looked at Grace across the table and smiled at the enthusiasm with which her daughter was eating her breakfast Cheerios. Her way of eating definitely came from her mother. Hotch was a neat freak in everything he did, he would never spill a single drop. Emily on the other hand had a looser interpretation of table manners, most likely because of the pressure she had been under, during her own childhood. to always be perfect. She didn't mind if a little milk sloshed outside of the bowl.

She glanced at the clock, she knew he would be there in just a few hours. They had got back from South Carolina two days earlier but she had decided to wait to tell Grace about who was coming to see them until just a few hours before he would actually be there. She didn't want her daughter thinking too much about it or maybe even worrying about it. She just wanted their first meeting to go as smoothly as possible. She just hoped that Hotch would be ready for the emotional roller coaster it was sure to be.

"Are you done, sweetness?" she said, looking at Grace who had placed her spoon in her empty bowl. "Could you please put the bowl and spoon in the sink and then come back here. I need to talk to you about something." She smiled at Grace who nodded vigorously, skipped off the chair and ran across the floor to plop the bowl in the sink.

Grace climbed back onto her chair and looked at Emily, her eyes shining with anticipation. "Done, Mommy," she said. "Is it a secret? The thing you want to tell me?" She bounced a little on her seat, curiosity making it impossible for her to sit still.

"No, honey," Emily smiled "this isn't a secret." She chuckled a little at Grace's obvious disappointment that she wasn't going to be let in on some sensational secret. "But it's still something very exciting."

Grace's pout turned back upwards and her dimples reappeared. "Tell me!" she giggled.

"Today a very special person is coming to see us. He's coming to see you especially." She smiled at her and reached out to place her hand on Grace's tiny one on the table. She took a deep breath. "Gracie, today your daddy is coming here to see you." She waited, watching Grace's face as she took in what her mother had told her.

Emily's heart dropped as Grace hopped off her chair again and several thoughts had time to flit across her mind as she watched Grace dart across the living room floor towards the staircase. "Grace!" she called, getting up from her own chair and running over to her. Grace stopped and turned around. "What's the matter, honey?" Emily asked wrapping her arms around her.

"Nothing, Mommy," Grace said, squirming to get free of her mother's grip. "I'm just very busy right now." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked pointedly at Emily. "I have to go and decide which toys we are going to play with." With that she turned and scurried up the stairs leaving Emily looking after her with wide eyes and a slowly growing smile.

* * *

Hotch glanced up at the red traffic light and then down at his wristwatch, his eyes following the seconds hand. He didn't know if it was his mind playing tricks on him, but it felt like every traffic light so far had been glaring red longer than they usually would. Mocking him with their painfully slow speed. He knew he was much more likely to be at Emily's ten minutes early than ten minutes late, but he could still feel every single nerve ending twitch and his heart thump.

Doubt started creeping over him. What if she didn't like him? What if she was reluctant to get to know him because he had been away from her for so long? She was too young to understand that he had unwillingly been kept in the dark about her existence. He felt a new wave of anger towards Emily rolling over him. What if his child wouldn't want to know him because he had been absent her whole life? What if she thought that it was all his fault?

The light switched and he gently pressed the gas pedal down. His knuckles tightened further round the steering wheel as he closed in on Emily's street. Her apartment complex rose before him and his breathing became more erratic, spilling out in shallow huffs, as he made the final right turn.

Pulling up into a free parking space and putting the car in park he felt little beads of nervous sweat trickling down his hairline. He leaned back, stretching across the backrest to grab a bag from the backseat. He hadn't wanted to show up empty handed. So he had spent the entire Saturday roaming around the mall, something he'd normally place just below shooting himself in the foot on a list of things he would willingly do, searching for a gift for Grace. Finally, after a long day of not really knowing what to get her, he had found a teddy bear similar to one that he had given Jack when he was newborn.

Jack's had been dark brown with a little red necktie. He had found it in a shop at the San Antonio airport going back from a case a couple of months after Jack was born and he had thought that it looked cute. He'd actually been a little worried at first that he had found a teddy bear cute, but then he had imagined the bear cradled in his son's arms and he'd just had to get it.

The teddy bear he had found for Grace was light brown and had a purple velvet bow tied around its neck. He thought it was sufficiently girly without be too much so. Even though Emily was very feminine she wasn't a girly girl at all, so he figured that Grace wouldn't be either. He took the purple gift bag and climbed out of the sedan.

Walking along the paved walkway towards the entrance he glanced up at what he knew was Emily's window. She had told him that she had sub-let her condo while living in New York. So he was on his way to a place he was _intimately_ familiar with. Still his legs were shaking as he made his way through the glass door. Even the doorman and the music in the elevator seemed to be the same as five years earlier.

He pressed the doorbell gingerly. He could hear Emily's voice from inside and steps coming closer and his heart threatened to thud through his chest. He had never been so nervous before in his life. The lock turned and the door was slowly pushed open. He was met by Emily's face, her pretty eyes smiling warmly at him.

"Come in," she said, opening the door wider. He took a few steps inside, his eyes sweeping across the room. "We've been expecting you." She smiled and stepped to the side.

Hotch looked down, his dark eyes met two equally dark looking up at him. In that moment he felt every emotion flowing unceremoniously through him. Happiness. Fear. Love. Tears were threatening to break through his barrier. But he drew a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He didn't want to frighten her. He looked at his little girl and he smiled.

Grace stared at Hotch. Her mouth hanging slightly open and one hand pulling at the hem of her pink t-shirt. Emily stepped closer and Grace let go of her own t-shirt to cling to her mother's pant leg instead. She was still eying Hotch a little hesitantly, but a spark of curiosity glittered in her brown eyes.

Emily smiled, looking from Grace to Hotch. "I guess she's a little S H Y." she gave him a tilted smile.

Hotch crouched down, wanting to be on eye level with Grace. "Hi," he said, giving her a warm smile. "I'm Aaron," he said, introducing himself. He had thought about introducing himself as 'Dad' but he wanted Grace to decide for herself what she wanted to call him. Even though he so desperately wanted to hear her call him Dad, this was really all about her.

Grace smiled a small smile at him, her hand still digging into Emily's jeans. Hotch smiled back, his lips curling upwards and his dimples denting his cheeks, making Grace giggle. "Your cheeks get the same holes in them as mine when you smile," she said, letting go of Emily's pants and taking a step closer to examine Hotch's face.

"Yes they do." Hotch laughed back, watching as his daughter edged her way closer, the shyness seemingly fading away. "I got something for you," he said and pulled out the purple gift bag holding the teddy bear.

"You do?" Grace smiled and stepped closer. "What've you got?" she said, leaning closer and trying to peak into the bag.

Hotch held out the bag for her. "Here, have a look." He smiled as her eyes sparkled and she reverently took the proffered shiny purple bag.

She stuck her hand inside it and pulled out the bear. Grinning widely she gave it a hug and then she looked at Hotch. "You know," she said, fingering the purple bow "purple is my favorite color."

"It is?" Hotch said, smiling when Grace nodded her head. "That makes me happy," he said, reaching out a hand to slowly brush his fingers against her soft black hair, smiling when she didn't move away from his touch.

Still holding the bear by its paw, Grace looked up at Hotch again, tilting her head to the side and crossing her thin arms across her chest. Slowly she trailed her eyes along him, sizing him up. "Come," she said, grabbing his wrist "Let's play with my Little Mermaid dolls." She tugged him further into the apartment, towards the couch where she had laid out her dolls. "You can be Prince Eric."

She let him go and ran to the couch, bouncing up onto it and grabbing the dolls. Emily gently grabbed Hotch by the elbow and tugged him closer. "Usually she never lets anyone play with her Little Mermaid dolls." She gave him a soft smile and let go of his elbow.

Grace sat on the couch, her legs dangling a little impatiently over the edge. In one hand she held Ariel and in the other Prince Eric. Hotch sat down next to her and she handed him his doll. Turning towards him she held out her doll, making it walk across the couch. "Prince Eric," she said in a high pitched ladylike voice, "come with me, we need to go to the store."

"Alright," Hotch said, making his voice deeper than usual and letting his doll walk up next to Grace's. "What do we need to buy?"

Emily smiled, watching Grace and Hotch from a few feet away, she had taken a few steps back to give them some privacy. She felt a few tears wetting her cheeks and she ran a hand across her face. Stoic SSA Aaron Hotchner was making voices and playing with barbie dolls with his daughter. Again she felt contempt towards herself, that she had kept him from this.

"You know," Grace said, pulling Emily from her thoughts and turning her full attention back to Hotch and their daughter. Grace looked at Hotch, a slight frown lingering across her brow. "You're my daddy."

"Yes, I am." Hotch said.

"Before we didn't live in the same town as you." Grace continued looking at him, tilting her head to the side. "But now my mommy and me, we have moved here. So now we can see each other every day."

"Yes, we can." Hotch said smiling back.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you though! I hope I did their first meeting justice...**

**x Sussi**

**Don't forget...**

**Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.**


	9. A turn for the worse

**A/N: Thank you for reading and for all the lovely reviews. Also thanks to everyone who's put this story on your story alert!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter nine – A turn for the worse**

Hotch leaned into the backrest of Emily's soft plushy sofa, watching his daughter who was sitting riveted watching the Disney movie playing on the television. He couldn't believe how utterly relaxed he felt. Grace sat less than a feet away, leaning against the armrest, her head lolling gently to the side and her new teddy bear snuggled securely in her arms.

The first few hours of Hotch's visit had been spent playing. First they had played out every single everyday activity Grace could think of with the Little Mermaid dolls. Shopping, cleaning, having coffee, going to the park. Everything narrated by Grace's 'ladylike' squeaky voice and Hotch's deeper-than-usual baritone.

After a quick lunch, where both he and Emily fortunately had been able to focus on Grace instead of each other, they had played shop for at least a good hour. He had been given the role of shopkeeper and Grace had been the inquisitive customer. After that they had both crashed in front of the TV.

He had never before thought that much about how young children could turn the most uneventful things into fun games. Jack's first few years had unfortunately been rather tumultuous and his games had rarely revolved around everyday life. Most of the time he had drifted towards his action figures and hero fantasies. Grace on the other hand had been kept from that and was contented playing shop with her barbie dolls.

For a brief moment a thought that chilled him was allowed to cross his mind. What if that was why Emily had kept Grace from him? She just didn't want her child near the chaos that had been his life for the most-part of the last ten years. He shuddered. Maybe she was right.

He felt something brush against his arm, pulling him from the inner monologue that was starting to become painful. He looked down and saw that Grace had dozed off, her head dropping down to rest in the crook of his arm. One arm was still around the bear, the other resting under her chin.

He smiled at her, contentment tilting the corners of his mouth. He could feel his heart swelling and a comfortable warmth spreading through him. Carefully, so not to wake her, he brushed a hand over her head. Any self-deprecating thought he might have been entertaining a minute earlier had now disappeared. He might not be perfect, he might even be far from perfect, but he still had every right to know his daughter.

"Hey," Emily whispered as she came up next to him, carrying a large box, "I see one of you has fallen asleep." She smiled, placing the box on the coffee table.

"Yeah," Hotch said "I guess it was a lot of excitement for one morning."

"Mmhmm. She had lots of fun though." Emily sat down next to him. She couldn't avoid noticing the thick tension that was all of a sudden lacing the room and she wondered what could have happened during the short time she had been away to collect the DVD:s and photo albums.

"She'll probably be out for about an hour," she told Hotch, who was running his hand softly down Grace's arm. "Why don't you carry her to her room."

"Alright," Hotch said, slowly getting up, one hand still under Grace's head. He bent down and carefully picked her up. She whimpered a little but she didn't wake up. "Where is her room?"

"I converted the old guest room, so it's up the stairs and then the second door to your left," Emily told him.

Hotch nodded, he remembered. He'd stayed in that guest room one night after they'd had a big argument. Or actually it had just been half a night. They had made up at around two in the morning when neither of them could get any sleep without the other.

He took each step carefully, then softly nudged the door open with his foot. He almost didn't want to let go of her, she was snuggled so comfortably against his chest. But she needed her rest and he needed to talk some things through with Emily. So he gently placed her on top of the purple comforter and pulled a blanket over her shoulders, making sure that the bear was tucked closely against her.

Smiling he pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered "Sweet dreams, my little darling. Daddy loves you."

* * *

Emily was flipping through one of the photo albums, looking at pictures from Grace's third birthday, when she heard Hotch coming down the stairs. She looked up, giving him a slight smile. "Find everything okay?"

"I did," he said tersely, without returning the smile, "it's not like I haven't been here before, Emily."

"No." She blushed, turning her eyes back to the album in her lap. "Of course not." She took a deep breath and looked back up at Hotch. "These are all the DVD:s and photo albums I have," she said, pushing the box closer to him.

"Thanks," he said, his voice flat.

Silence filled the room. Emily once again returned her attention to the open album in her lap while Hotch examined the contents of the box, pulling out one of the DVD:s. He looked at the cover, '_Grace's fourth birthday_' was written on it in Emily's neat handwriting. He sighed. "Emily," he said, his voice softer as he thought of Grace, "these last few hours have been great. I really want to be able to do this every week."

"Of course, Hotch," Emily said, placing the album back into the box. "Maybe we could set Saturdays or Sundays as your day."

"I'd really like that," he said. "I want Grace to be completely comfortable," he continued "so if it's okay with you, I could come here for the first few weeks and just spend time with her so that she can get to know me. But later maybe she could come over to my apartment and spend some time with Jack."

Emily smiled. "I am sure she would like that." She hesitated a little, not wanting to impose. Worried that she had no right to ask the question. "Have you told Jack yet?"

"No, neither him nor Jessica," he admitted. "I just don't know how they will take it."

"I'm sure that they will be happy for you." she said, relieved that he didn't take her asking the wrong way. "If you are happy, then they will be too."

"I hope so," he said, a slightly distant look crossing his eyes as he fell silent again.

A few minutes trickled by in silence, making Emily wonder if they were going to sit quiet together until Grace woke up.

"We should tell the team," he said, suddenly, catching Emily off guard. "I don't want to hide that I have a daughter from my team mates, from my friends. I want to be able to show pictures and brag. They're your friends too. Don't you want to be able to tell them?"

"I do," Emily said, dragging the words a little.

"You're so close to especially JJ and Garcia. It must be a relief to finally be able to tell them."

Emily didn't answer, she turned away. She didn't know how to tell him that JJ already knew. That JJ had known the whole time that he hadn't. She was going to hurt him all over again. The thought that she could just not tell him quickly grazed her mind. But she couldn't do that. She didn't want to lie to him anymore. She'd done enough of that.

"Emily," Hotch said, "what's the matter?"

She drew a deep breath, steeling herself. "I freaked out when I found out I was pregnant," she told him bluntly, wanting to be as candid as possible. "I needed to tell someone and the first person, no." she paused "the second person," she corrected herself "I thought of was JJ."

"So, JJ knows." Hotch stated, cutting her off.

"She does," Emily said. "Please don't be angry with her. She wanted me to tell you. I made her promise not to tell you herself."

"I don't care about JJ," he said, sharply, biting out the words. "This is all on you. I can't believe that you told someone else, one of my friends, and not me."

His eyes were wild. Dark. Shining with hurt. This was the reaction she had been expecting before. The one that hadn't come when she had first told him. Maybe it was all catching up to him now. She eyed him carefully, silently, trying to ignore the tears wanting to creep through and spill over.

"I thought you had been keeping it all to yourself. I thought you had been struggling alone. I..." He didn't finish the sentence. He got up from the sofa, pacing a length of the room. He stopped. Abruptly. Standing in front of her, making her jump. He bent down and grabbed the box. "I'm going to leave now. I do not want Grace seeing me angry and I don't know if I can calm down. Give her a kiss from me and tell her that I had a great time and that I love her and I'll see her soon." He turned and left. Without waiting for any response from Emily.

* * *

He took every corner with silent fury, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles whitened. He knew he had done the right thing, leaving when he did. The last few days a bit of his anger towards Emily had started to fade away. Now he felt it all flare up inside him again. It wasn't that she had told JJ. He actually understood why she had told JJ.

It was that she hadn't told him. It was that he had, even for just a second, doubted whether she had really done the right thing or not. It was that he had a four year old daughter and today was the first time he met her.

When he kicked the front door shut behind him and chucked the box of DVD:s and photo albums on the dining room table some of his anger had subsided. He was still furious. He just no longer felt like hurtling a glass through the window.

He picked up one of the photo albums with a defeated sigh and sank down onto the couch. He hoped that looking at photos of Grace would calm him down, he didn't want his anger to override the joy spending time with his little girl had given him.

Leaning back he pulled in a lung full of dry air. He opened the album. The first photo his eyes met was of a tiny baby lying in a carrier, wrapped in a pink blanket, sleeping soundly. Under the photo Emily had written '_Grace's first day home_'. He looked at the photo again, studying it closer. She couldn't be much more than a few days old in it.

To his huge relief he felt himself growing calmer and warmer as he flipped to the next photo. Grace lying in her crib, dressed in an FBI onesie. He chuckled a little at her chubby little arms obviously flaying around impatiently.

He flipped to the next page, and the next, wanting to look at every single photo in the album at once. As he turned a page he accidentally tipped the album over and a photo fell out. Bending down he reached a hand out to pick it up off the floor. He turned it over and felt his breath catch in his throat.

It must have got in with the other photos by mistake. His eyes trailed over the glossy surface. Taking in Emily's pretty face. He knew she didn't like to have her picture taken so someone must have surprised her. She wasn't smiling, but her eyes were sparkling brightly. She was glowing, her hand rested peacefully on her baby bump.

He put the photo back on the table. He didn't really know what to do with it. A part of him wanted to rip it to shreds. But another wanted to do nothing but stare at it. Trail the silhouette of her protruding belly, encasing his child.

He sighed, slowly picking up the photo off of the coffee table, as he reluctantly let that part of him win.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you thought, please!**

**x Sussi**

**Less than two weeks left, don't forget...**

**Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.**


	10. A halfgood halfbad secret

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Please enjoy!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter ten – A half-good half-bad secret**

Her night had passed in a daze of fitful, broken sleep. All through the night Hotch's cold voice had been humming in the back of her mind. His words echoing loudly, keeping away any silence. Every time she had closed her eyes she had see his hurt and angry face. All she wanted to do when she saw his face, those eyes, was to cry. But she pulled herself together. She had to. For her daughter.

Seeing Grace's cheerful face in the morning had made most of the dark thoughts go away. Grace always cheered her up. She had been her usual chipper self, she was a morning person no doubt about it. Much like her father. Emily couldn't help but smile when she saw her daughter skipping down the steps one hand clutching the bear her daddy had given her and with a big grin brightening her face.

Grace had chattered all through the busy Monday morning about her daddy. She hadn't been upset at all that he'd had to leave the day before. All she had wanted to know was when he was coming to see her again. Emily had hugged her and told her that he was coming to see her again very soon. That nothing could keep him away.

Grace was very impressed with her father. She thought that he was really big and tall and she found it very funny that he had the same color eyes and hair as she did. And she thought he was really good at playing. She was especially impressed with his excellent shop playing abilities. She had, very seriously, told Emily that she was no longer the best at playing shop. Her daddy was.

That had almost brought the tears back to Emily's eyes. Grace was so happy to get to spend time and play with her daddy. And Emily had seen the way Hotch's eyes had lit up when he looked at Grace.

She took a deep breath, forcing away any tear that might want to appear. Hotch and Grace could have had that for four years. And she was the one and only reason that they hadn't had that.

But she couldn't change the past. She could only hope for a better future. Pulling her brave mask back on she smiled as Grace quickly skipped from one subject to the other, as she sat in the backseat of the car. From the sunny weather, to the park, to the hamster named Fluffy that they took care of at her daycare. Her pure enthusiasm was enough to put a small smile back on Emily's lips.

As they got to the daycare center Emily hugged and kissed her daughter goodbye and waved to her and smiled as she scuttled cheerily to her friends. When she was back in the car, making her way towards Quantico, she could feel the tears slowly trickling back and there wasn't a thing she could do to stop them.

* * *

Hotch let his fingers trail along the top drawer on his desk, tempted for a split second to open it and retrieve what he had hidden inside it. That photo. The photo he didn't want to see but couldn't keep his eyes away from. The image was haunting him. Swirling around inside his head. Glaring at him when he closed his eyes. For some reason he was incapable of letting go of it.

Looking at that photo just made everything that he had missed out on all that more obvious. Though not in the way that looking at a photo of Grace or seeing her for the first time made him think about what he had missed out on with her. This made him think of everything he had missed with Emily.

From the moment that photo had fallen out of the album it had taken up residence inside his mind. His dreams had been filled with images of a beautiful pregnant Emily. When he woke up, after only a few shorts hours of uncomfortable sleep, he had felt something stirring inside him, a strange longing.

He couldn't forget that photo. He had tried ignoring it. He had put it back inside the album. He had put the album away. But to no avail. Against all better judgment that resided within him he had spent the last twenty minutes staring at that damned photo. Letting his mind run away from him. Imagining what she must have been like. When she was pregnant. All the things he had missed. He knew that a part of him still wanted Emily. But he also knew that they could never go back to what they had once had.

He glanced down at the closed drawer one more time before getting up. He walked over to the window, pulling the blinds apart so that he could look down into the bullpen. It was empty except for Emily standing by her desk flipping through some papers. He sighed. Things weren't good between them. But he couldn't just avoid her. They were still part of a team and now they had to tell everything to the rest of that team.

"Emily," he said, noticing how his voice made her shoulders stiffen, as he walked down the staircase.

"Hotch." She spun around. "Uhm... what's up?"

"Emily," he started, deciding that going straight to the point would be the best. "I really want you to tell the team about Grace after the briefing. I don't think we should wait any longer. But," he drew a breath "you're her mother, so I will leave it up to you." Then he left her for the second time in less than twenty-four hours without waiting for any response.

* * *

Morgan looked around the conference room. Something was off. There was a tension in the air that was not going him by unnoticed. He was sure that the others must have noticed it too. He glanced at Reid. Alright, maybe not everyone. Reid was completely entranced by the briefing, about a case they were going to be consulting on, Hotch was giving. A purple rhinoceros could have been standing in one of the corners of the room and he wouldn't have noticed a thing.

He had felt it the moment Emily stepped through the door. She had seemed nervous, almost apprehensive, emotions you rarely saw grazing the tough Prentiss features. It had worried him and he had, as discreetly as possible, eyed her as she made her way across the room to take a seat in the chair next to him.

She had tried to meet Hotch's gaze, but he had turned away. Seeing that Morgan hadn't really known what to think. He couldn't believe that Hotch would have done it on purpose. It really wasn't something that Hotch would do, snub a member of team like that, but the almost awkward tension that was thick inside the room told him a different story.

Morgan glanced at Hotch again, trying to make out something from his features that would clue him in on what was going on. But nothing. Hotch had on his 'Agent In Charge mask'. No emotions on display. Morgan shook his head. No, he wouldn't be fooled quite that easily.

"That's it guys," Hotch said, bringing the briefing to an end. But before anyone had time to even think about leaving he added; "Could you hang on for a moment, please. I believe that Prentiss has something to tell you." For the first time in the hour they had all been in the conference room his eyes fell on Emily.

Morgan doubted these were good news as he watched her shift in her seat.

"Uhm...I..." She stuttered a little, an uncomfortable flush creeping over her pale cheeks.

"Go on, Emily," Hotch said, his voice softening somewhat.

Emily looked around their confused and curious faces. JJ, who was sitting next to her, placed her hand on top of Emily's and making Morgan even more worried. He had toyed with some possible reasons behind the tension between Emily and Hotch. But he hadn't thought it was something as serious as this seemed to be.

"I haven't..." Emily started, "I haven't been completely honest with you guys," she said. "There have been some major changes in my life since I last was a member of this team."

"What kind of changes, sunshine?" Garcia said, "good I hope." A slightly nervous smile tilted her fuchsia lips.

"It's good." Emily smiled back. "But big." She twisted her hands nervously, biting her lips as she gathered the courage to just tell them. "I have a four year old daughter," she finally just blurted out.

"What!" Morgan's mouth formed an astounded circle.

"Ooooh!" Garcia squealed, clapping her hands. "A little miniature dark haired beauty." She smiled. "Oh, how cute she must be." She got up off her chair and hurried over to Emily, as fast as her pink four inch heels would let her. Pushing Morgan from his seat she plopped down next to her. "Pictures!" she demanded.

"Uhm, they're in my purse in my desk drawer." Emily told her. "I can show you later." She was growing increasingly uncomfortable. The others were all wrapped up in their excitement chatting away happily. But she needed to tell them the other half of her secret. The far less pleasant one.

Garcia stopped and turned towards Emily. "Sweetie, what's the matter? You're looking paler than usual," she said. "This is excellent news. Auntie Garcie gets one more tiny little person to spoil rotten." She smiled, rubbing Emily's arm. "Why didn't you tell us before?"

"It's complicated..." Emily started.

"Why?" Morgan said, looking between Emily and Hotch, silently wondering if the incredible image his mind was painting could be true.

"Because I am her father." Hotch said, his steely gaze locked firmly on them.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for taking the time to read, please take a tiny bit extra time to review. Reviews really help the writing process...**

**x Sussi**

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	11. Confusion reigns

**A/N: Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing and alerting! You rock!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter eleven – Confusion reigns**

Stunned silence occupied every corner of the conference room. JJ scanned the surprised faces around the table. Morgan, Garcia and even Reid, notorious for being completely oblivious to things happening around him, were all staring at Hotch with wide eyes and mouths hanging ajar. Rossi, she noticed, seemed to be the only one in the room not completely taken aback by Hotch's words. Somehow that didn't surprise her.

"You're what!" Morgan was the first to regain control of his vocal cords.

"I'm her father," Hotch stated calmly, turning his gaze on Morgan. "Emily's daughter," he said, his eyes dropping to Emily, "Grace, is also my daughter."

"Wow!" Garcia exclaimed. "You two are good, sneaky, but _good_! How in the whole wide world have you been able to keep this a secret?" She grinned, looking expectantly between Hotch and Emily. Before she could say anything else JJ carefully caught her eye across the table and shook her head a little. Garcia's smile faltered and she looked questioningly at JJ.

"I... I don't understand," Reid said, scrunching his eyebrows tightly together as he took in Hotch's uncomfortable glare and Emily's slightly distraught features. "You have a child together," he said, trying to grip all the facts and line them up in neat rows, "but Emily, you've been living in New York the last five years...and Hotch, you've been here."

"Yeah," Morgan chimed in, an eyebrow raised in clear irritation as he stared Hotch down. "I don't get that part either," he snarled. "I didn't take you as someone who would walk away from your responsibilities, man. Why would you let her go?"

Hotch froze, his glare aiming daggers at Morgan. "That wasn't exactly what happened." He told him, his lips forming a taut line across his face, as he looked down at Emily.

Morgan's eyes changed, softened, as he followed his eyes. "Em?" he said, his worry evident in his deep voice.

Emily looked down at her hands, unconsciously picking at her nails. Clearing her throat uneasily she looked up again, first at Garcia, then Reid and finally stopping at Morgan. "Hotch never stepped away from _any_ responsibility," she told them. "He didn't know. I never told him that I was pregnant." She sighed, guilt rising up inside her again.

"I'm even more befuddled now," Garcia said, looking at Emily and Hotch, her eyebrows knotted in bemusement behind her purple frames.

"Hotch and I had a... _thing_," Emily said, cringing a little, "I found out I was pregnant after I moved to New York and I decided not to tell him," she continued, "yesterday was the first time he ever met Grace, he missed the first four years of her life and it'd no one's fault but mine."

No one said anything as Emily fell silent again looking away from the others, her eyes lingering at the windows. Awkward glances crossed the table, five pairs of eyes not knowing where to look, none of them daring to meet Hotch's eyes.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a loud crash, making JJ jump in her seat. The chair Morgan had been sitting in tumbled over as he pushed his way out of it. Without a word he stormed through the door and down the stairs.

Garcia moved to follow him, but Emily got up placing her hand on Garcia's shoulder. "I'll talk to him," she whispered as she turned and followed him out the door.

JJ sighed as she looked at the others. She could tell that Garcia was holding back tears as she stared at the closed door, that Morgan and then Emily had disappeared through seconds earlier. Garcia then turned towards Hotch, shaking her head, making her violently red hair dance around her face, she whispered. "Boss man?" eying him carefully. "What's going on?"

Hotch sighed heavily, sinking down in the chair next to her, the one that Emily had vacated only a minute earlier. "It's complicated," he said "I'm not even sure of everything yet."

"But..." Garcia persisted, "Why didn't she tell you?" Her voice was shaking, the tears she was holding in was obviously very close to spilling over.

"Penelope," Hotch sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I can't really say, Emily and I haven't really talked that much about it."

"But didn't she tell anyone?" Garcia sniffled looking between the others sitting around the table.

"Not me," Reid said, shrugging, he was still trying to process every bit of information that had been thrown at him.

"She didn't tell me either," Rossi said "I did find out though, but that was from Aaron just a few days ago."

"Jayje?" Garcia looked pleadingly at JJ.

"I did know," JJ said, looking down at the shiny tabletop. "She told me when she found out she was pregnant." She looked at Hotch, a small tear glistening in the corner of her eye. "I am so sorry, Hotch. I told her that she should tell you, but she was so determined not to. So determined that she would mess up your life. Nothing I said could change her mind."

**December 2010**

Emily sat on her sofa, one hand gliding protectively across the soft stretchy cotton covering her six month bump, trying to soothe her little girl after a long day. JJ sat down next to her, placing two glasses of sparkling water in front of them. She knew that look on Emily's face, that little wrinkle above her upper lip. She was tired, and tired pregnant Emily easily got emotional. JJ knew that feeling that way made Emily frustrated. She didn't like coming off as weak and she hated that her unpredictable hormones impaired her ability to compartmentalize.

JJ took a deep breath, there was something she had been toeing around all day. Never finding the perfect time to bring it up. Emily had been happy all day. It was the first time in over four months that they had seen each other and they had spent the day shopping for baby supplies, that Emily had been putting off getting. They'd had such a good time, gossiping about the people of the BAU, although carefully avoiding the one person she knew both of them needed to be talking about. She just didn't want to upset Emily and every time they had talked over the phone, during the last five months, bringing up Hotch had ended in tears.

She gave Emily a small smile. "You okay?" she said, reaching out a hand to rub over Emily's. "Our little shopping spree didn't wear out our mommy-to-be completely, did it?"

"I'm fine, Jayje," Emily smiled a weak smile back. "A little tired, but glad that I finally got this done, I've been needing to get this stuff for weeks." She arched an eyebrow at the bags lined up on the floor next to her. "Glad I finally had someone to help me carry." She smiled, glancing down at her belly "I'm starting to get huge."

"Glad to be of service." JJ chuckled a little. "And take it from someone who's been there, Em, you're gonna get huger."

Emily groaned, slapping JJ's arm. "Please, you were never huge, you were petite even when you were nine months pregnant. I, on the other hand, am on my way to becoming a whale." She laughed quietly. It took a few seconds for JJ to notice that the laugh had turned into quiet sobs.

"Emily, honey, what's the matter?"

Emily hesitated a little, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "How is he?"

"Honestly, not great," JJ said, after a few seconds of contemplating what words to use, "he misses you Em. We can all see that something is bothering him. The others haven't figured out what's wrong though. Reid did ask him about it a few months ago and he nearly took the poor boy's head off. Since then we avoid the subject."

"I'm so sorry," Emily said. "I knew that this would just cause problems."

"Emily, you being pregnant isn't causing any problems," JJ tried. Emily shook her head and was about to speak, but JJ cut her off. "No, Em. It's you being away that's causing the problems. Come back home. Come back to the BAU and tell Hotch."

"That wouldn't solve anything, JJ," Emily said, "that would only complicate things even more. I can't come back and just expect him to welcome me back with open arms. I love him too much to be the one to screw up his life again. I won't do that. It's better that he just forgets about me and moves on."

JJ sighed. Nothing she said was ever going make a difference. They'd had this conversation several times before. Always with the same outcome. Emily would always stubbornly insist that she was doing the only thing that she could do. For some inexplicable reason she had convinced herself that she would screw up Hotch's life if she went back.

**July 2015**

JJ shook her head to rid herself of the image of crying pregnant Emily. She did not, and never had, agreed with how Emily had dealt with the situation. But she was certain that she was the only one who knew how sad Emily had been throughout her pregnancy.

"Don't apologies, JJ." Hotch's voice pulled her back. "I know that this must have been hard on you and that you were only trying to help a friend."

"I just can't believe that our little Em would do that." Garcia said to no one in particular.

Hotch shifted uncomfortably in his seat, JJ could tell that he didn't want to have this conversation. "Uhm... maybe we should talk to Emily about that," she said, turning to Garcia who gave a tiny bob of her head.

"That's probably for the best," Hotch said, getting up from his seat, clearly intent on leaving the room. But as he got to the door he stopped and turned around facing them again. Taking a breath, a slight frown descended on his brow. "Just... just don't be too hard on her, she's your friend and she loves you." With that he opened the door and left them sitting by the round table, feeling sad, confused and angry.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading – please let me know what you thought :)**

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	12. And then comes anger

**A/N: Thanks to all who read and reviewed! And thanks to all who have alerted this story... all 108 of you (yikes)!**

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* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twelve – And then comes anger**

"Morgan!" Emily called. The sound of her heels echoed across the almost empty bullpen as she chased after her friend who was quickly disappearing towards his office. "Morgan, please just wait."

He stopped, just outside his door, hesitating a few seconds before turning around and looking at her, resentment evident in his dark eyes.

"Morgan, let's talk, please." Emily said, looking pleadingly at him.

"Fine," he sighed, opening the door to his office, "let's talk in here."

Emily followed him inside, eying him silently as he sat down in his chair. Standing awkwardly by the door she watched as he ran a hand over his head, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Without looking at her he cocked his head at the chair across from him. She sat down, wordlessly waiting for him to take the first step.

He didn't waste any time. "Why the _hell _would you do something that stupid, Prentiss?" he exclaimed, lifting his head back up to scowl at her. He might have been able to will away some of the immediate rage but he was obviously still fuming. "What possessed you to do something so... so selfish?"

"It was a complicated situation, Derek." Emily said, trying to keep her voice calm. She really understood why he was reacting like this. Morgan didn't take well to children missing a parent. But she wouldn't have him shout at her.

"What's so fucking complicated about it, Emily?" His voice rose, spitting out the words as his hand slammed down on the desk. "You don't rob a child of one of their parents. You just don't do something like that."

"I... it wasn't my... I didn't mean to rob Grace of one of her parents." Emily said, stumbling over the words. She had known Morgan nine years. They were close friends. Never had she seen him being this angry, with her being the reason. It knocked her off her feet.

"But you didn't tell Hotch about her, right? She has spent the first four years of her life without her dad?" His voice was short, his tone mocking almost.

"You're right. Yesterday was the first time she ever met Hotch," Emily said, "but she has _always _known that she has a father who loves her. I couldn't explain the situation to her, of course, but she has always known that she has an amazing father."

"She's just never got to meet him."

"I did what I thought was best at the time." Emily looked away, evading the accusatory gaze that she could still feel stinging her skin. "You don't know how things were between me and Hotch, Derek. It wasn't good. Hotch was still a mess after everything that happened with Foyet and Haley..."

"So it was all his fault?" Morgan cut her off.

"No, that is not what I am saying. Please don't put words in my mouth," Emily said, still struggling to keep calm. "This is my doing and my doing alone. I don't blame anyone but myself and trust me I _blame _myself. When I saw the way Gracie's eyes lit when she first met Hotch..." She trailed off and her voice broke.

"Why didn't you just tell him, Emily?" Some of the anger was gone from his tone, but his eyes were still burning.

"Because it wouldn't have had been fair to him to throw something that huge at him when he already had so much on his shoulders. And to tie him down to someone he didn't love for the rest of his life, I just couldn't do that."

"Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?"

"It was how I felt at the time. I was very confused. You know as well as I that I can't go back and change that so there's really no need for you to dissect it."

"Look, Em, I don't know anything about your relationship with Hotch and frankly I don't really care. Whether it was good or bad, you two created a life and she has the right to grow up with both her parents." He got up and paced the length of his office, stopping mid-stride he turned to face her again with eyebrows raised. "Wait, is that why you left the BAU? Because you got pregnant?"

"No, I didn't know I was pregnant when I left. I left because I knew that what I had with Hotch was falling apart at the seams and I didn't want it to come crashing down on the team. It was better that I left."

"I'm not gonna get into that, Emily, that's between you and Hotch. But to do that to Grace..."

"No, Derek. Stop right there." Emily felt frustration bubbling up inside her and got out of her chair to be level with Morgan. "I have so much respect for you, but..." she drew a deep breath, "I won't let you call me a bad parent. I know that I screwed up. I made bad decisions. If I could do it all over again I would do it a lot differently. But I have done everything for my little girl. I have always made sure that she feels safe and loved and the moment she started asking about her father I started planning our return to DC. The only reason I came back to the BAU was so that she could be with Hotch!" She exclaimed, tears of anger and frustration running down her cheeks as she turned on her heel and left.

* * *

Rossi got out of his seat, slowly folding his legs out, his joints creaking a little with the action. "I'm going to go talk to Aaron," he said, pulling the attention of the others onto him, reminding them that he too had been in the room. "You three see if you can find Emily. This is an odd situation we've found ourselves in, let's try to not make it any worse, shall we?"

They sat quiet after Rossi left, JJ, Garcia and Reid, the only ones left in the conference room. Letting their eyes glide over the walls, the windows and the door as if expecting someone to appear and explain the entire crazy situation to them.

Slowly Garcia turned to JJ, her eyes glassy behind her frames. "JJ, is this real?" She sneaked a finger behind her glasses to wipe away the tear trickling down her cheek.

"Afraid so," JJ sighed.

"But... but why?" Garcia gave up trying to discreetly wipe away the tears and took her glasses off to swipe a hand over her eyes.

"I really think that it would be best if we talked about this with Emily," JJ said, rubbing Garcia's hand. "I don't want to speak for her, I want to give her the chance to explain it all to you guys."

"But you were the one she confided in. How was she? It must have been so hard on her."

Garcia looked so sad, so desperate in her attempt to understand why someone she loved and respected as much as she did Emily had done something like this. JJ couldn't ignore her plea. "It really was hard on her," she said. "I've never seen her looking as broken as she did when I saw her the week after she found out."

"Oh, my poor little sugar snap pea. How awful it must have been." Garcia sighed.

"It wasn't pretty," JJ said "but guys, she doesn't like to talk about it, so let her bring it up."

"Of course," Garcia said as she got up, "now let's see if we can find our girl." She glanced down at Reid still sitting at the table staring into space. "Boy genius? You coming?"

"Huh? Oh no," Reid came back. "Uhm... I have some paperwork I need to do, you can go ahead without me."

"Uh, okay." Garcia said, giving him a long quizzical look before she left with JJ to go find Emily.

* * *

"So," Rossi said as he sauntered into Hotch's office without bothering to knock, "you seem to have calmed down a bit since we last discussed this subject."

"What do you mean?" Hotch looked up from the file he was seemingly going over. Rossi knew that he hadn't been paying it an ounce of attention.

"Well you seem to at least have come to an understanding with Emily." He sat down in the visitor's chair getting an exasperated glare from across the desk. "Although I'm guessing that you're not quite ready to admit that you still love her, even though your instinct to protect her still seem to be intact."

"I don't know what to tell you, Dave," Hotch said, shutting the folder. "Beyond getting together to spend time with my daughter, Emily and I just have a strictly professional relationship, that's it. I do, however, want my team to function as a unit and I don't want any animosity to be between any of the members."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that," Rossi chuckled as a knock at the door made them both turn around to see Morgan stride in. A sour look on his face.

"Derek?" Hotch said. "Did Emily find you?"

"She did," Morgan said, tapping his foot irritably. "And she bit my head off." He took a few steps closer. "I don't get it Hotch. Why aren't you screaming and shouting?"

"Because I want to have a civil relationship with Emily for the sake of my daughter."

"But Hotch, the things she did. To you and to your daughter."

"Derek," Hotch cut him off, his eyes telling the younger man to stop speaking. "Don't you think that I've screamed and shouted and cursed. Of course I have. But doing that doesn't change anything. I don't want our _private_ situation to affect the work that we do, so even if you might have a problem with Emily or even with me you keep it out of the BAU. Now if you two," he looked from Morgan to Rossi, who was sitting quietly watching the scene unfold in front of him, "excuse me, I have work to do."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought!**

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**x Sussi**


	13. Aaron Hotchner Monster finder

**A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it so very much! Please enjoy.**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirteen – Aaron Hotchner; Monster finder**

**August 2015**

"So, how are things?" Rossi looked at the younger man standing on the other side of the room quietly folding his shirts.

The question made Hotch stop in the middle of his folding and look up. "What things exactly are you talking about?" He arched a brow. "Me and Grace? Me and Emily? Or are you perhaps talking about the fact that the members of my team seem to have divided themselves into two camps?"

"Well," Rossi said, taking a seat in one of the armchairs, "all of the above I guess, take your pick."

Hotch sighed, grabbing the shirt and pushing it into the dark leather bag perched on top of his bed. "Everything is going great with Gracie," he said, smiling as he thought of his daughter, "I've spent every weekend with her the last three weeks and since we don't have any new cases I'll be able to visit her this weekend as well." His smile grew as he sank down on the bed. "She's amazing, so smart and so funny, something I am sure she gets from her mother. I just can't believe how easy it has been, she just took to me from the first time we met."

"I'm sure she's lovely," Rossi smiled at the light, almost cheery, quality to Hotch's voice, "how could she be anything else with parents like hers?" His smile slowly died away, mouth turning into a set line again. "What about Jack and Jessica? How are they dealing with all of this?"

Hotch turned away. Bracing his hands on his thighs. "I haven't told them yet."

"You haven't told them?" Rossi's eyes widened. "Aaron, you haven't told your son that he has a little sister?"

"It's not that easy, Dave," Hotch snapped back.

"Alright, alright, just asking," Rossi said holding up his hands in front of him. "Don't blow up on me. I know that this is your decision." He took a few breaths, waiting for the situation to calm down somewhat, "Then what about Emily. How's that going?"

"Same as before," Hotch said, his voice back to normal, "It's a bit... _awkward_ spending time together outside of the office, but we both want what's best for Grace so we manage." He shifted a little, turning to look out the window. "The circumstances are of course far from good, but still it's nice to have her back... on the team. She is an excellent agent."

"And then there's the fact that you love her." Rossi smirked.

"Could you please stop saying that," Hotch sighed. "We're not even back to being friends yet. We're just... we're two people caught in an unusual situation that we are dealing with best we can."

"Okay," Rossi said, still smirking smugly to himself. "By the way, Aaron, I've noticed that you haven't paired her with Morgan the last few weeks. Why is that? Trying to shield her?"

"Come on, Dave," Hotch huffed. "You've seen the way they act around each other, they hardly talk unless they are forced to."

"Yes," Rossi said, " and as Unit Chief you should take them both by the ear and tell them to get their shit together. But you won't because secretly you're on her side and I completely get that."

Hotch turned, drawing a deep breath preparing himself to heatedly protest Rossi's statement but was cut off before he could begin by someone knocking on their door. Getting off the bed he padded across the soft carpet. Checking the peephole his lips tilted just a little in a small smile.

"Hey," he said as he opened the door.

"Hi," Emily answered, "I've got someone who wants to speak to her daddy." She smiled and handed him the cell phone that she'd had pressed to her ear.

Grinning he took the phone and held it up against his ear. "Hi, Little!" He said, using the nickname he had given Grace that was just theirs and that made her giggle every time he used it. Squeezing by Emily he left his and Rossi's hotel room to find some place more quiet, where he could talk to his daughter in private.

"I'm glad that Aaron and Grace found each other right away," Rossi said, waving Emily into the room, holding out a chair for her.

"They really have," Emily smiled as she sat down in the proffered chair. "They are really cute together, Gracie lights up whenever her daddy is around." She sighed. "Makes me feel even worse about that horrible decision I made."

"Emily," Rossi said, "people make mistakes. Five years ago you made a mistake. It's about time you forgive yourself for that. If you don't then you and Hotch will never be able to move forward."

Emily sighed. "You're right," she said, giving him a small smile.

"Of course I'm right," Rossi chuckled, "I'm always right. I just wish that more people would be as perceptive as you."

"Oh yeah?" Emily said, crooking an elegant eyebrow at him. "Thinking about anyone in particular?"

"I'm sure you know him," Rossi said, his smirk turning the corners of his graying goatee upwards, "tall, dark, likes to scowl a lot." He chortled to himself. "Seriously though," he said, "he hasn't told Jack yet? What's that about?"

Emily shifted, all of a sudden very uncomfortable. "It's not really my place to say anything. That is completely up to Hotch."

"I suppose it is," Rossi nodded, "but don't _you_ want your daughter to know her half-brother? And Jack should get to know his half-sister. It is only fair. And since I'm not being very successful at shoving some sense into that thick skull of his, I thought that you might be able to do it."

"Me?" Emily raised an incredulous eyebrow at the older man. "You know that I'm not his favorite person, right? Why would he listen to me?"

"Because you're the mother of his daughter and because he respects you," Rossi said. "He has always held your opinion very highly and I am pretty sure that hasn't changed. He might be a little surly at the moment, but I still think he'll listen to reason if it comes from you." he said, smiling a little to himself. It might be a round-about, and slightly foggy, way of doing it, but he hoped that at least on some level he got his message across to Emily. That Hotch is still very much in love with her.

"I guess," Emily said, drawing out the words, uncertainty still lingering in her eyes. "I could give it a try at least."

"Good girl." Rossi chuckled. "I'm sure you'll do great."

* * *

Hotch leaned against the wall outside his and Rossi's room, the corridor was deserted so he could have all the privacy that he needed. His smile grew, dimples appearing swiftly, as he listened to his daughter's happy greeting.

"Hi, Daddy!" she trilled, "Mommy said that you were there too... and you were!"

"Here I am," Hotch laughed, "I am so glad that Mommy found me because I really wanted to talk to you, Little. I miss you."

"I miss you too," Grace said. "You know what I did in daycare today?" she said, her voice sparkling with enthusiasm.

"No, what did you do?" Hotch said, with equal enthusiasm.

"I got to feed Fluffy!" she exclaimed happily.

"Really!" Hotch smiled. "What did you feed him? Ice cream?"

"No, silly," Grace giggled. "Hamsters can't eat people food, they eat hamster food!"

"Then it's a good thing I didn't feed him, cause I'd have given him ice cream and candy." Hotch said, keeping his voice as serious as he could when listening to Grace's bright chirping laughter.

"You're silly Daddy!" Grace laughed a little more before turning very serious. "Are you sharing a room with Mommy?" she said, "Cause, you know, someone gotta check under her bed for monsters."

Hotch smiled. "No, sweetie," he said, "Mommy is sharing a room with Miss JJ and I am sharing with Mr Rossi, who Mommy and I also work with. I'm sure that Miss JJ will check under Mommy's bed, okay?"

"Oh, okay," Grace said and he could tell that she wasn't entirely pleased with that answer. "But you gotta make sure that JJ checks under Mommy's bed and you gotta check yours and Mr Rossi's. So that there's no monsters." She was very serious.

"I will. I promise," Hotch said, smiling at how protective his daughter was, just like her mother. "Has Mrs Becker checked under your bed?" he said, mentioning Emily's next door neighbor who stayed with Grace when he and Emily were away on cases.

"Yup," Grace said, "and it was monster free! Now you gotta check under Mommy's bed." Apparently she had decided that he would be better at checking for monsters than JJ.

"Alright, let me just go get her and we will go and check under her bed." Hotch smiled as he opened the door to go back to Emily and Rossi. They both fell silent when he entered the room and he wondered briefly what they had been talking about. But the small voice against his ear reminded him of what he was doing. "Come on, Mommy," he said, taking a hold of Emily's hand and pulling her up, "we have to check under your bed for monsters."

Smiling Emily followed him as he led her across the hall to her and JJ's room and listened to him reassuring Grace that they were on their way.

Pushing through the door, they startled JJ who got up from the bed and put down the book she had been reading to watch in amazement as Hotch got down on his hands and knees and peaked under the beds.

"It's all monster free," he said into the phone, "yep, both under Mommy's and under Miss JJ's bed. No monsters at all. Yes I'll check under my own and Mr Rossi's later. You want to say goodnight to Mommy? Okay, goodnight, Little. I love you." He handed the cell phone to Emily. "She wants to say goodnight."

Snickering JJ leaned closer to Hotch. "Aaron Hotchner," she smiled, "brave monster finder."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. If you want to, feel free to let me know what you thought.**

**Don't forget to vote in the Profiler's Choice CM Awards! ****Three of my stories, **_**Coming Back Home (Best Angst & Best Hotch/Emily), The Mix Up (Best Morgan/Emily) and The Train Ride (Best Erotica & Best Het Romance) **_**and myself (**_**Best New Overall Author**_**) have been nominated! Thanks so much to those who nominated any of my stories!**

**x Sussi**


	14. A small step forward

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Due to some TG induced bounciness yesterday part of this chapter turned out a little differently than I had planned... Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter fourteen – A small step forward**

Hanging up after having said goodnight to Grace, Emily looked over at Hotch and JJ quietly talking a few feet away. She caught JJ's eye, slowly raising an eyebrow to silently convey to her friend that she really needed some time alone with Hotch.

JJ gave her a slight nod of her head, clearing her throat she announced that she was in dire need of something sugary and unhealthy and that she was going to take a trip down to the wending machine in the lobby.

Smiling as she watched JJdisappear through the door and out into the corridor she turned to face Hotch. "Sweet girl," she said, smiling, "not much of an actress though."

He chuckled a little. "I take it you have something to discuss with me?" he said. She could see the faint trace of discomfort, or maybe it was nerves, across his otherwise unreadable face. "Something to do with Grace?"

"No," Emily said, then quickly added, "yes... in a way." She sat down on her bed and he sat down on JJ's, raising an eyebrow at her. She looked away. The strong resolve, to discuss letting Jack know about Grace with him, she had felt a few minutes earlier was slowly seeping away. "Look, Hotch," she said, turning back to look him in the eyes, "I know that this might not be any of my business," she drew a breath, "but I have to ask. Why haven't you told Jack that he has a little sister yet?"

"Oh," Hotch said, "so that was what you and Dave were talking about earlier."

"He mentioned that you two had discussed it and said that he thought that it is a shame that Grace and Jack hasn't met yet," she explained.

"Okay," Hotch said, "what do you think about that?"

"Like I said, Hotch, it's not my place to tell you what to do or don't do with your son," she said, taking a deep breath before continuing, "but I would really like Grace to get to know her older brother."

"I want that too, Em," Hotch said and Emily could feel her heart beating faster when he called her the nickname he'd had for her, but he didn't seem to notice. "But I just think that it would be for the best if we wait a little while longer. I don't want to rush it."

Emily sighed, she'd been accepting everything that Hotch had been throwing at her the last month. He had every right to be mad at her, but this she wasn't okay with. It wasn't like he had been okay with her wanting to wait when he had wanted them to tell the team.

"But don't you think he'll be less upset if you just tell him now instead of waiting?" she said.

"It's not quite that simple," Hotch said, pinching the bridge of his nose as his shoulders tensed up, "it's just been the two of us and Jessica the last six years, he doesn't do well with new people."

"But this is his sister, Hotch. I know that Grace would be ecstatic if she knew that she had an older brother."

"I'm sure Grace would love Jack unconditionally from the moment she met him," Hotch said, his eyes shifting to stare into the distance, "she has got so much love in her." His voice was soft, Emily couldn't stop the smile growing on her lips.

"Then why don't you just tell him," she said, slowly reaching out across the beds to place her hand on his.

He flinched, almost imperceptibly, but didn't move his hand. "No," he said, calmly but firmly, "like I said, I don't want to rush it."

Emily frowned and withdrew her hand. "So, what you're saying is that it's okay for you to rush me with telling the rest of the team, but you don't want to be rushed when telling the people closest to you?"

"These are two completely different scenarios," Hotch said, shaking his head, "I don't want to wait to protect myself, I want to wait to protect Jack."

"By lying to him?" Emily said, arching an eyebrow.

"Well, wasn't that what you were doing?" Hotch gazed at her. "You didn't tell me you were pregnant because you thought you were protecting me."

Emily felt heat flushing her cheeks. He was right, she had lied to him to protect him. But that had been the completely and utterly wrong thing to do. "Yes," she said, "I didn't tell you that I was pregnant because at the time I thought that was the right thing to do, that I was protecting you." She sighed, taking his hand in hers again. "But I wasn't protecting you, I was just hurting you."

"Yeah," Hotch said, taking a deep breath, "I just don't know how Jack will take it. He has become very possessive of me over the last few years."

"I completely get that, Hotch. It's natural, you're his only parent. But he's going to have to find out about Grace at some point and I just think that sooner is better than later."

"It's not just him finding out about Grace that concerns me," Hotch said.

"What else is it then?"

"It's you too," Hotch said, tensing up even more, "He won't be happy to know that I dated someone so soon after his mother died and that I made a baby with that person," he trailed off looking more and more distraught.

Emily cringed. She hadn't thought about that. The few times she had met Jack before she left the BAU they had got on famously. Now he would probably not want to see her. Ever again. She was the woman who had shamelessly slept with his grieving father.

"Emily." Hotch's voice brought her back. She looked up and noticed that he had his intense gaze locked on her. She felt her cheeks becoming warmer again. She knew that those piercing eyes were seeing right through her.

"It's not your fault, Emily," he said, hitting the nail right on the head. "If I recall it correctly we were two people present at every possible moment of conception and I was a very willing participant." He smiled, it was just the slightest twitch of one of the corners of his mouth but Emily caught it. "Jack just doesn't like it in general if I date someone, so I just don't."

Emily felt a small jolt of... was it hope?... spring through her. "So..." she said, slight nerves apparent in her tone, "you haven't dated anyone?"

"No," Hotch said, "with Jack and the BAU there hasn't really been any time for dating, or really any social activities." He looked away.

"I know what you mean," she said. She had no idea why, he hadn't asked her but still she kept on going. "Between Gracie and my job at the New York field office, I didn't really have an active social life either." Also there was the fact that none of the, albeit very few, men she had very briefly dated even came close to Hotch.

Feeling something ghost against the back of her hand, she glanced down realizing that her hand was still tucked inside Hotch's and his thumb was slowly stroking the back of it. She looked at him, he didn't seem to realize he was doing it. A bit uneasily she pulled her hand away.

He looked up, the situation seemingly hitting him. He got up, clearing his throat. "It's getting late," he said, moving towards the door, "we have an early flight tomorrow, so we should probably get some sleep." He opened the door, and with a "goodnight," he was gone.

* * *

Hotch leaned closer into the seat, looking out the window, watching the blue sky and the clouds floating by. He sat by himself at the back of the jet, not feeling up for the usual banter, he would rather be alone with his thoughts.

Ever since he left Emily's hotel room the night before he had been thinking about when and how he should tell Jack that he has a little sister. He needed to do it soon. Emily was right, lying to Jack would only hurt him in the end. He might get upset, angry even, but it was better if he knew the truth.

It wasn't so much finding out about Grace that he was worried would upset Jack, he was sure that after some time Jack would come to love Grace as much as he did. It was finding out about Emily that he knew would upset Jack the most. He had made his feelings about Hotch getting involved with any new woman perfectly clear.

So he hadn't dated anyone. He had told himself that he refrained from meeting new women because he knew that Jack didn't want him to. And that was one of the reasons. But he also knew that he hadn't dated anyone because he knew that he would never be able to find anyone quite like Emily.

He sighed, glancing over at Emily, where she sat next to Rossi a few feet in front of him. As a warmth grew slowly inside him at the sight of her he just knew that this whole situation would become even more difficult before it could get any better.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! If you have the time, please review!**

**I have been fortunate enough to have been nominated in the Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Please take the time to vote! Info and ballot at the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum!**

**For those of you who enjoy reading/writing smut, The Smut Club has a new Christmas challenge – The Naughty and Nice challenge! Check it out!**

**x Sussi**


	15. and a few steps back

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Since you are all so awesome I thought I'd give you an earlier update than usual. **

**Also, if you want another H/P story to read I highly recommend "**_**All Fall Down**_**" by **_**hotchityhotchhotch.**_** It is an excellent mix of romance, angst and a little drama and it's got me hooked.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter fifteen – and a few steps back**

Hotch closed the door behind him with a soft thud. He dropped his bag on the floor and took a few steps into the apartment, calling his son's name."Jack?" He could hear muffled steps coming closer and his lips tilted in a smile as Jack rounded a corner. "Hey, buddy," he said bending down to give his son a kiss on the top of his head. "Where's aunt Jessie?"

"I'm right here, Aaron," Jessica Brooks said as she emerged from the kitchen, "I'm glad you're back," she gave him a quick hug, "I have a dentist's appointment in half an hour, so I have to run." She gave Jack a hug, "I'll see you both tomorrow," she smiled as she grabbed her bag and left.

Hotch followed Jack into the apartment, taking a seat in his favorite armchair as Jack plopped down on the floor to play with some of his toy cars. He smiled as he watched his son play. Jack had always been a calm child, he would rarely get worked up about things. He was a very very sweet boy. Maybe he was just being silly thinking that telling Jack about Emily and Grace would upset him too much.

"Jack," he said and Jack turned and looked at him. "There is something that I need to talk to you about. Something really important." He got out of his chair. "Come on, let's have some juice and go sit by the table."

As Jack scrambled over to the table, sitting down in his usual chair, Hotch went to the kitchen to get a glass of water for himself and a juice box for Jack.

"Ooh, grape!" Jack said, smacking his lips at the purple box, pulling off the tiny straw and plunging it into the box.

"It's the best!" Hotch smiled, taking a large sip of his water to help his suddenly dry throat. He watched as the boy took a few large gulps, smiling widely as a drop of purple juice trickled down his chin.

"Jack," he began, "I am going to tell you something very important, so I need you to pay close attention, okay?"

"Okay, Dad," Jack said nodding.

"Do you remember Miss Prentiss?" Hotch said, knowing that Jack probably wouldn't but he still wanted to ask. "She used to work with me a long time ago."

Jack scrunched his eyebrows in a tight knot, tilting his head to the side and Hotch's heart grew warm when he realized just how similar a lot of Jack and Grace's mannerisms were.

"Yeah... maybe," Jack said after a short while, "I don't really know."

"That's okay, Jack," Hotch said. "She used to be one of my closest friends, back when we were working together, and she helped me out a lot after Mommy died." He paused, carefully examining Jack's expression. The last few years most conversations they'd had about Haley had been happy ones. But there still were the odd times when talking about his mother made Jack a little sad.

This time he seemed to be fine, so Hotch continued. "Miss Prentiss and I, well, we grew very close and I... I liked her very much."

Jack's head snapped up. "_Liked, _liked her?" he said, "like she was your _girlfriend_?" He wrinkled his nose.

Hotch cringed at the way Jack said the word _girlfriend_. He took a deep breath. "Yes, Jack, you could say that she was my girlfriend."

"But not any longer right?" Jack said, arching both brows. "She moved away, right?"

"She did," Hotch nodded, "she moved to New York and we stopped seeing each other," he said, taking a deep breath. "But," he continued, "about a month ago she moved back to DC and she started working with me and the team again."

"But she's not your girlfriend now, right?" Jack asked, his eyes intently fixed on his father.

"No she is not. She is my friend, but nothing more. But Jack, something else has happened and this is the very important part so I need you to listen."

Jack nodded.

"When Miss Prentiss came back she told me that she is a mommy now. She has a little daughter, Grace, who's four years old." He paused a second. "_I_ am Grace's dad, Jack. Grace is my daughter and she is your little sister." He fell silent, watching carefully as his words seemed to enter his son's mind.

Jack sat quiet a few moments and Hotch was just about to ask him what he was thinking when the young boy screwed his eyes shut exclaiming miserably "But I don't want a little sister!"

"Jack, calm down, buddy," Hotch said quietly, reaching out to rub his hand over Jack's shoulder. "I know that this is a lot for you to take in and I promise that I won't rush you into anything. But I really think that you would like Grace, she is a lot like you."

"No, Dad," Jack said defiantly, crossing his arms over his chest, "I won't."

"Jack," Hotch said, "I know this isn't easy right now, but I promise you it will get better." He got up and walked around the table to sit next to Jack and wrapped an arm around his narrow shoulders.

Jack drew away from him a little, shrugging. "She's going to take up all of your free time. You won't have any left for me," he almost whined.

"Jack, you know that's not true," Hotch said, gently rubbing his shoulder and trying to soothe him. "I will make sure that I have time for both of you, maybe we could even do some fun stuff together with Grace and Miss Prentiss."

"No!" Jack snapped, wiggling out of his father's grip. "I don't wanna do anything with them. You're _my_ dad! I wanna do stuff with _you_, not with _them_... They can't have you."

"Buddy, no one is taking me away," Hotch said, "I'm not your dad any less because I am Grace's dad. But I am her dad as well so she will be in my life too. I am sure that you will really like her once you get to know her and Miss Prentiss too."

"I don't care," Jack huffed angrily. "I don't wanna spend any time with her and I don't wanna spend any time with Miss Prentiss!" Sending his father one final glare Jack leaped off his chair and sprinted towards his room.

"Jack!" Hotch called after him but he didn't stop, he went straight for his room and slammed the door shut behind him. Hotch took a few quick steps forward, at first fully intent on following his son and straightening everything out.

But when he reached the hallway he stopped. He knew that Jack was just like him and he knew that he would have wanted some time to cool off before talking abut it again. He sank down on the black leather couch. He would revisit the subject later, but for now he would let Jack get a chance to wrap his head around this enormous change in his life. He just needed some time to get used to the idea.

He looked at his cell phone lying on the coffee table. He needed to call Emily. He didn't know if he could make it to see Grace tomorrow when Jack was this upset. But he was worried about what Grace would think if he didn't show up. He would be devastated if he disappointed his little girl. He never wanted to do that. He picked up the phone and quickly dialed Emily's home number.

"Hello."

"Hi, Emily, it's me," he said, a bit hesitantly.

"Hotch?" Emily said, surprised. "What's up? Please, not a new case."

"Oh, no, not a case," Hotch said. He sighed "Uh...I might not be able to make it tomorrow."

"What? Why?" Emily said, the disappointment in her voice was palpable and it made his heart sink.

"I told Jack," he said.

"Oh," she said, "and he didn't take it well?"

"No," Hotch sighed, "he's scared that I'll start spending more time with Grace than with him. He's pretty upset."

"Of course," Emily said, "he must be shocked right now. But you did a good thing, Aaron, by telling him."

"I know, I just feel so guilty right now." Hotch sighed again, scrubbing his hand across his furrowed brow.

"Don't," Emily said, her soft voice making him feel slightly better, "just give it a little time, he'll come around when everything has had a chance to sink in."

"I hope so," he said, "I just feel so bad that I can't come visit Grace, but I don't really want to leave Jack. Jessica is supposed to take him to the movies tomorrow, but I might call her and cancel, I don't know..." he sighed deeply once more, shaking his head.

"What if Grace and I drop by some time tomorrow. She really misses you. Maybe she could stay there a few hours, I don't have to be there, that might be too much for Jack but maybe meeting Gracie would help him come to terms with the situation."

"Would you do that?"

"Of course, Hotch," Emily said and he could hear the smile in her voice, "I want Grace to spend as much time as possible with you, she loves her Daddy so much."

Hotch also smiled. He was grateful that Emily would bring Grace to him, when he couldn't come to her. He knew that he would have had a very hard time not seeing Grace for another week and he didn't want her wondering why her daddy didn't come to see her.

"Thanks, that means so much to me," he said, smiling. "Is 10 am tomorrow okay for you guys?"

"We'll be there," Emily smiled.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please do review, if you have the time. We are close to 300 reviews and as a Thank You reviewer # 300 will get the oneshot of their choice.**

**I have been fortunate enough to have been nominated in the Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Please take the time to vote! Info and ballot at the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum!**

**For those of you who enjoy reading/writing smut, The Smut Club has a new Christmas challenge – **_**The Naughty and Nice Challenge**_**! Check it out!**

**x Sussi**


	16. Pretty in Pink

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. One of the events in this chapter was a suggestion made by **_**tbird1965**_** many weeks ago. Now it finally fits. I hope you like it Tina! **

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter sixteen – Pretty in pink**

Hotch sat on the couch, his foot tapping an even rhythm against the carpet as he glanced at his watch. Emily and Grace wouldn't be there for another fifteen or so minutes. He got up, walking a lap around the living room, glancing out the window and continuing down the hall, finally stopping outside Jack's room. Carefully he leaned against the door, he couldn't really hear anything so he guessed that Jack was reading or maybe playing with his legos. Either way he wouldn't bother him.

Jack still wasn't really speaking to him. Except for at a quick breakfast, where he had answered any question that Hotch had had with an uncommitted grunt, he had been holed up in his room. When Hotch had told him that Grace was coming to see him later in the day he had shrugged and mumbled something about not caring. At least he hadn't yelled or cried. Hotch sensed that he was beginning to come around to the idea of having a little sister. But he was still obviously shocked, so he would give it a little more time.

A knock at the door shook him back. He quickly made his way over, chuckling as he heard Grace's squeaky voice outside calling loudly for him.

"Daddy! We're here!"

He opened the door and almost toppled over as a small body slammed into his knees and a pair of thin arms wrapped tightly around him. "Hiya, Daddy! I missed you," Grace mumbled against his jeans.

"I missed you too, Little," he said, hoisting her up and snuggling her against his chest. He smiled as her little arms twirled around his neck and he placed a soft kiss on her wild black hair. He caught Emily's eyes over Grace's head. She gave him a small smile. The way her eyes were shining made a shiver roll down his spine and the hairs on his arms stand straight up. Not in an unpleasant way though, no, the feeling was almost hopeful and that took him by surprise.

But he had no time to think about it, Grace wiggled to get free, demanding to be put down so that she could explore his house. He complied, carefully lowering her down onto the floor. When her feet touched the carpet she scuttled away, looking with large eyes at all the new and exciting things around her.

"Grace!" Emily called after her. "Be careful. Ask Daddy before you touch anything, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy." Grace turned around and came back to Emily and Hotch.

"Now, come and give me a kiss before I go." She bent down and pulled Grace against her, gently kissing her cheek.

"You could stay, if you want to." Hotch said quietly, as they both watched Grace skipping back into his apartment.

"No, this is your time," Emily said, "I want her to have a good first meeting with Jack and I don't think that would be the case with me here." she continued. "I told her about Jack yesterday. She still doesn't fully understand how he can be her brother when I'm not his mother, but she is still excited to get to meet someone new," Emily smiled. Holding out a pink backpack she said "Here are some of Grace's toys. I'll be back around two, if that's okay with you?"

"That's fine. We will see you then." Hotch said and then without really thinking he leaned forward and gave her a quick hug. Just as his arms wrapped around her waist he realized what he was doing and quickly pulled back. "Oh... I..." His eyes darted nervously between her face and the wall behind her.

"Uhm, see you," Emily said, her cheeks flushed as she turned and walked out the door closing it behind her.

Hotch stood still a moment, watching the closed door, his mind spinning, rapidly twisting itself into knots. The discreet scent of her perfume still lingering around him, fogged up his mind even further.

"Daddy!"

Grace's voice forced him to focus, he shook his head, shaking away the feeling of having Emily, however briefly, in his arms. "Coming, Gracie," he said.

Grace was sitting in the middle of his living room floor looking up at him with a wide smile. When he sat down on the couch she quickly got up and jumped on top of him. "_Ooof_," he groaned as the air was knocked out of him, only making Grace giggle harder and jump on him again.

Hotch laughed, deep from his stomach, as he caught Grace and picked her up. The little girl squirmed as he dropped her in the middle of the couch and tickled her sides until she was screaming with laughter.

Calming things down a few minutes later, he pulled Grace close and sat her down next to him. She looked at him with curious eyes. Probably wondering why he had stopped playing.

He smiled at her. "So," he said, "Mommy has told you that you have a brother named Jack, right?"

"Yup," Grace said, nodding. "But, you know, he's not whole, he's only half," she said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, he's your half-brother," Hotch told her, smiling at the way her big brown eyes looked up at him. "That means that I am your daddy and I am his daddy too. But your mommy isn't his mommy."

"Okay," Grace said, accepting his explanation without any questions. "Why isn't he playing with us?" she however wanted to know.

"Oh, he's in his room," Hotch said, "he's a little grumpy today."

"Why?" Grace said, tilting her head.

"Sometimes people just feel a little grumpy and want to spend some time alone," he said, smiling.

"Oh, okay," Grace said, again accepting her daddy's explanations without any hesitation. In her eyes he knew everything. A wide smile spread across her face as she held out her hands for him to see. "Look!" she said, "Mommy painted my nails pink!"

Hotch smiled and took one of her little hands in his. "She did?" he said. "She's the best mommy ever, isn't she? You look very pretty."

"You wanna have pink nails too, Daddy?" Grace said, her eyes shining. "You would look real pretty too!"

"Uh... maybe another time, Gracie honey," Hotch said, "I don't have any nail polish here, so we'll have to wait till we're at Mommy's."

"I got the pink nail paint in my bag, Daddy!" Grace said happily, hopping off the couch and skipping over to the front door where her pink bag was still lying before Hotch had time to say anything else.

"Come on, Daddy!" Grace said, coming back with the pink bag in one hand. "You can't sit there, Mommy says that you always have to paint your nails at the table with lots of tissues, _not _in the sofa or the bed." She took him by the hand and tugged him with her over to the kitchen.

He couldn't really do anything other than let her. She was smiling so happily and her laughter was so contagious that he didn't have the heart to say no to her. He couldn't tell her that FBI Supervisory Special Agents In Charge weren't supposed to have pink nails. So he grabbed a box of tissues and and sat down next to Grace.

"Here," she smiled holding out a small pink bottle, "you gotta take the lid off cus I'm too little."

He took the little bottle from her, holding it between his thumb and index finger as he examined the light pink content.

"Daddy! Faster!" Grace said, tugging at his sleeve.

He smiled at her, brushing a hand over her hair. He loosened the top and put the bottle down in front of Grace. "Be careful now, honey," he said, "I don't think Mommy would be very happy if she came back and found you covered in nail polish."

"Okay, Daddy," Grace said, nodding vigorously. "Now put your hand there." She pointed on a spot in front of her and he placed his hand there. Grace took the little brush, immediately dripping nail polish on his hand. She giggled loudly, tiny dimples creasing her cheeks.

"You know," Hotch smiled, "that's not my nails."

Grace laughed again causing more nail polish to drip over his fingers. Concentrating hard, she carefully swept the little brush against the tips of his fingers, some polish ending up on his short nails and some of it missing its target. When she was satisfied with the first hand, he switched to the other, again getting droplets of polish on his hand.

"All done!" Grace chirped, beaming at her father. "Look," she said, pointing at his hands, both dotted with globs of drying pink polish. "Now you gotta wave your hands so it dries, like this." She flapped her arms, demonstrating how he was supposed to do it.

He waved his hands a little, then held them up in front of Grace, showing her his pink nails. She squealed and held up her own hands next to his. "Our hands look the same, Daddy!" She laughed as she pressed her tiny palm against his large.

He smiled, "That they do." She looked up at him and he felt his smile widening further. "We look very pretty, don't we?" He asked her and Grace nodded. Then soft footsteps coming closer behind them made Hotch turn around.

"What are you doing?"

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! If you have the time, please review – I love hearing your thoughts! I hope that you also find Hotch with pink nails incredibly cute :)**

**I have been fortunate enough to have been nominated in the Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Please take the time to vote! Info and ballot at the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum!**

**For those of you who enjoy reading/writing smut, The Smut Club has a new Christmas challenge – **_**The Naughty and Nice Challenge**_**! Check it out!**

**x Sussi**


	17. Brother and Sister

**A/N: Thanks to all reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting this story! It means a lot to me.**

**A special thanks to the very lovely **_**hotchityhotchhotch**_** for Beta:ing this chapter! Read her story **_**"All Fall Down"**_** if you want a very good read!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter seventeen – Brother and Sister**

Hotch smiled carefully at his son standing a few feet away twisting his hands nervously. The sound of Hotch and Grace's happy voices must have made its way to Jack's ears, prompting him out of his room. His eyes scanned Jack's face, letting go of a breath as he saw no anger or resentment in his blue eyes, just nerves. "Jack! Hey, buddy." he said, "Gracie's just painted my nails," he held up his hand, "looks nice, don't you think?"

Jack frowned, taking a few steps closer. "Looks stupid," he huffed. "Boys can't wear nail polish, just girls wear nail polish."

"Boys can too have painted nails," Grace piped up, tilting her head to look at Jack. "Daddy's got it and he's a boy."

Jack sighed, looking down at the tiny girl, sitting next to his father and staring up at him expectantly. "No, I meant that boys _shouldn't _wear nail polish, especially pink, it's for girls." He wrinkled his nose.

"_I_ think it's pretty,"Grace declared.

Hotch smiled at both of them, first at Grace lightly rubbing his index finger over her plump cheek, then turning to give Jack a reassuring smile. "You are both right," he said, "boys usually don't wear nail polish," he glanced down at his hands covered in splashes of pink, "but it does look quite pretty." He chuckled and moved over one seat. "Jack," he said "why don't you join us?"

Jack shuffled over, dragging his feet behind him, then slowly sinking down on the chair next to Hotch.

"Jack," Hotch said, a serious tone to his voice, "this is Grace, she is your little sister."

"Hi," Jack mumbled, keeping his eyes on his hands.

"Hi!" Grace trilled, leaning across the table and craning around Hotch to get a better look at her brother. "You look like Daddy," she smiled.

"I know," Jack said.

"I look like my Mommy," Grace told him, "but I get holes in my cheeks just like Daddy." She smiled as wide as she could to prove her point.

A short smile touched Jack's lips and Hotch felt a bit of the stone weighing down on top of his chest being chipped away.

Jack nodded. "I see them," he said, "I got 'em too." He smiled and Grace squealed and clapped her hands.

Seeing how Jack was becoming more relaxed Hotch decided to go out on a limb. "Hey, Jack," he said, "you wanna show Gracie the rest of the apartment? You could show her your room and mine. She's really curious and I am sure that you are way better than me at demonstrating the best ways to jump on my bed." His eyes twinkled as Jack's widened a bit. "You're not as stealthy as you might think, bud."

"I wanna jump on the bed!" Grace exclaimed. "Mommy _never_ lets me do that."

"Okay," Hotch smiled, "but just this once." Grace nodded and he turned to Jack. "What do you say, Jack, want to jump on the bed with your little sister?" He looked deep into Jack's blue eyes, trying to convey to him how important this was to him.

"Sure," Jack said, smiling slightly at his father. Hopping off his chair, he turned to Grace. "Come on," he said, "I'll show you were Dad's room is."

"Yay!" Grace grinned as she skipped after him. "You're really big," she said to Jack, "I bet you can touch the ceiling!"

"Careful!" Hotch called after them, but he wasn't worried, even though Jack still seemed to be a rather reluctant older brother he knew that he wouldn't let anything happen to Grace. In that aspect he was just like Hotch, if he could help it, no one would ever come to any harm when he was around.

He laughed to himself as he got up and started towards the fridge to start lunch, the sound of Grace's sweet laughter ringing through the apartment.

* * *

Reaching into her purse, Emily managed to find her shrilly ringing cell phone after the third ring. Checking the display before holding it up to her ear, she could feel a flash of nerves running through her. "Hotch," she said, sucking in a breath "is something wrong?"

"Oh, no," Hotch's deep voice quickly told her, "everything is fine. Don't worry. Gracie's taking a nap."

"Then why are you calling?" she asked, "I'll be at your place in thirty minutes."

"I was hoping you could do me a favor."

"Sure."

"Could you maybe pick up something that cleans away nail polish, my hands are covered in the stuff and apparently soap and water doesn't work."

Emily tried to suppress the laugh, but couldn't help the loud snort. "She got you, did she?" she said, smiling wide. The moment she saw Grace put that little bottle of pink nail polish in her little pink bag she had known this was going to happen.

"Could you say no to those eyes?" he huffed and it made her laugh even more.

"I know," she said, "it's hard to resist those puppy dog eyes. You are not the first one to have tried and failed." She heard Hotch's soft chuckle and felt her own smile grow wider. "I'll pick up some nail polish remover on my way to your place."

"Thanks," he said. "I'll see you in a little while."

"See you," she said and clicked off.

* * *

Hotch was tidying up the living room, after having checked up on Grace who was still sleeping soundly in his bed, when Emily showed up forty minutes after they had spoken on the phone.

Opening the door, he greeted her with a small smile. When she returned the smile, her beautiful eyes sparkling, his mind immediately flashed back to having her in his arms in that brief hug. The same chills as earlier went down his spine and for a second he lost himself in the feeling and forgot that she was standing there.

"Hotch?" He looked up at her, looking into her confused eyes. "Can I come in?" She smiled at him and he could swear he felt his cheeks growing uncharacteristically red as he mumbled a "Sorry" and stepped aside to let her in.

"Hi," she said as she squeezed by him, brushing against his arm, and made her way into the living room. "So," she said, looking at him as she put her purse down on the floor, "may I ask how everything went with Grace and Jack?"

"It went okay," Hotch said, also stepping further into the living room, "he's still a little standoffish, but they spent about an hour together getting to know each other," he smiled, "well, Gracie did most of the talking, but I think Jack enjoyed having someone younger looking up to him."

"Aaww, I'm so glad to hear that, Hotch," Emily smiled, "Gracie was so excited about having a brother."

"I know," Hotch said, "You should have seen the smile on her face after the half hour they both spent jumping on my bed." He smiled. Emily laughed and he raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"Oh, I'd almost forgot," she said in between snorts. Reaching out she grabbed a hold of his hand, flipping it over and examining the creamy streaks of pink polish covering his fingers. "That is so cute," she said, "Taffeta cream pink really suits you."

"Thanks," Hotch said, raising a somewhat amused eyebrow at her, "I'm glad you approve."

"You are very welcome," Emily smiled, "now if you go get some cotton balls, I will make your nails FBI appropriate again."

Sitting at the table a few minutes later, Hotch held out his hands letting Emily rub a wet cotton ball against his skin. Despite the foul smell, he found himself enjoying the feeling of having her hands so close to his.

"So," Emily said, smiling as she scrubbed the cotton over one particularly large glob of polish on one of his knuckles, "I can't believe you let a four year old paint your nails."

"Oh, I don't mind," Hotch said, switching hands, trying hard to ignore the little jolt of warmth her fingers on his skin created, "I'd do anything for my little Gracie."

"I know," Emily smiled back, "I love that you let her paint your nails, it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

"Thanks," Hotch smiled.

"Uhm," Emily said, after a few moments of silence, "where's Jack now? Is he with Jessica?"

"Oh, no," Hotch said, "he's in his room reading, even though he seems to be okay with Grace I think he's still a little mad at me."

"Oh," Emily said, looking a little hesitantly towards the hallway. She knew that if Jack was still upset with Hotch then he most certainly would be upset with her too. "Okay," she said, patting his hand "you're nails and hands are back to regulation standard." Looking at her watch and back at the hallway she said, "Maybe you should go get Grace, if she sleeps any longer I'm sure she'll be up half the night."

Hotch gave her a smile and nodded as he got up from his chair, "I'll be right back," he said and made his way towards his bedroom.

Also getting up, Emily started to wander around Hotch's living room picking up some of the things Grace had brought. Her purple hoodie, the one she always insisted on wearing even when it was well into the seventies outside, a few books she had wanted to show her father and the little brown teddy bear with the purple bow that now went everywhere with her.

Hearing something behind her she turned, expecting to see Hotch with Grace.

"What are you doing here?" Jack Hotchner asked her.

"Oh. Hi Jack," she said, taking a few steps towards the boy, "I'm here to pick up Grace."

"Why didn't you just wait outside?" Jack asked, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at her. "Dad would have brought her out to you."

"Uh, your dad needed some help and I needed to talk to him about some things," she said.

"You're not his girlfriend, you know." Jack stated, glaring even harder at her.

"I know," Emily said, "we're just friends, honey."

"He's not ever gonna be your boyfriend, so you don't have to come here anymore."

"Jack!" Hotch emerged from his bedroom carrying a half sleeping Grace in his arms. "Miss Prentiss is my friend and Grace's mother," he whispered harshly, "if I want to have her over I will. Now apologize."

Jack just glared defiantly at them both, obviously in no mood to apologize to anyone. Turning on his heel he stomped back to his room.

"It's okay, Hotch," Emily said, walking over to him and taking Grace from him. "I'll give you a call later, okay?"

"Okay," Hotch said and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Grace's dark hair. Giving Emily a sad smile he held open the front door and watched as she left with Grace.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please leave a little review!**

**I have been fortunate enough to have been nominated in the Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Please take the time to vote! Info and ballot at the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum!**

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**x Sussi**


	18. Remembering

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing, it is always greatly appreciated! This chapter might be stretching the t-rating a little bit, it's not M, but a little raunchier than usual...**

**Hope you enjoy!**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter eighteen – Remembering**

**September 2015**

Emily felt herself being unceremoniously pushed back against the deep leather seat, she braced herself against the door as Rossi took another narrow corner. Her breath was shallow, spilling out in short erratic whiffs. She could feel every single heartbeat pounding against her ribcage.

Everything outside the SUV; the houses flashing by, the cars scrambling to get out of their way, the blaring sound of the siren, none of it even registered with her. Maybe Rossi was saying something to her, she didn't really know. Her mind was spinning fast, twisting and turning of its own will. Pictures danced before her eyes, the last two months mixed with moments from the last six years, finally stopping at the one moment that occupied the largest space in her memory, the one she always came back to.

**July 2010**

Emily placed her empty martini glass back on the table, sliding her finger along the brim to catch any drop that might have escaped. Glancing around the dark room she absentmindedly popped the finger into her mouth. She saw none of the team, Rossi she knew had gone home, Morgan and Garcia had left their table at least two drinks ago and even Reid had taken off. That left her alone with Hotch, she looked over at him and felt something heat inside her stomach as she watched him, nursing a beer, in the dim light. He didn't notice that she was watching.

She let her eyes trail his strong features, feeling the bead of warmth in her belly growing hotter as he turned and caught her eye. She smiled, unable to suppress the little giggle running through her at the sight of his flushed face, a slight rosy color creeping from beneath his shirt collar up over his cheeks. She didn't know what had caused it but it made him look even more gorgeous than he usually did.

Taking in his smiling face, something made her feel bold, maybe it was brought on by the alcohol or maybe it was the way his dark eyes were scanning her. Smiling back at him she took his hand in hers, getting up from her seat she tugged at him to follow. At this he raised a brow, but said nothing.

"Come," she said, tugging a little harder, "I want to dance."

"With me?" He got up, a little unsteady on his feet, eying her with trepidation.

"Of course with you," Emily laughed, "now come on." He didn't move. "Please..." she pouted at him, fluttering her eyelashes, "just one dance."

"Okay," he relented, "one dance."

"Goody!" Emily laughed, pulling him along out on the dance floor. Moving in time to the music she laughed at Hotch's somewhat bewildered expression as he stood still in front of her. "Here," she said, taking his hands and placing them on her hips, "just move with me." She could feel the shiver running through him as she placed her own hands on his shoulders, allowing them to glide down to rest on his biceps. She let her hips sway to the music, heat radiated through her from his hands perched on her hips and her lips tilted in a delighted smile as his grip tightened.

The music changed, a slower song came drifting through the heated air lingering around them. Hotch loosened his grip, taking a few steps back. Emily looked up into his deep dark eyes. They betrayed him the instant they met hers. Stepping closer she took his hands in hers, guiding them back around her waist, letting them fall on the small of her back. Letting her own hands return to his shoulders she sighed a deep sigh of contentment as she felt him leaning into her touch.

Slowly they swayed to the music, their bodies molded against each other, Hotch clutching her tightly in his strong arms and Emily resting her head on his shoulder, her arms pressed against his chest. The woodsy scent of his aftershave tickled her nostrils, it made her want to melt against him. Feeling his hands slide further down, she gasped. Looking up she was almost startled by the look in his eyes. A look that was filled with a raging fire just as scorching as the flames that were licking her insides. He saw it in her too, she could tell by the way his eyes grew even darker and how his breathing sped up under her hands.

Leaning close to his ear, she whispered, breathily, "Come." Snaking an arm around him she started leading him off the dance floor. When she felt his hand griping her waist firmly as he took the lead the fire inside of her could only grow more rampant. Grinning she let him lead them deeper into the dusky room. His hand fanned over her hip, fingers bunching in the silky material of her little black dress. Her breath hitched as they dug into her taut flesh.

"Here." His voice was a low husky rumble as he cracked a door open and pulled her into the dark.

Before she had the chance to get her bearings straight, she was shoved against a wall. Hands roamed her body pulling a deep moan from her that he caught with his lips. Eager teeth possessively trapped her bottom lip as his tongue tasted her and explored her.

"_Ooh, Hotch..._" She gasped as his lips left hers. "_Mmmm_, I want to be able to see you," she breathed against his ear. Feeling his hands fumble behind her the bright light that flickered on stunned her for a second. Blinking rapidly she could see her face in a mirror hung on the opposite wall. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen. Her body was pressed against a cold tile wall, almost completely covered by Hotch's. His hands, clutching her waist and his lips trailing along her neck, made her moan in sweet anticipation.

His lips, sucking slowly on her pulse point, made her mind go blank. She lost herself in the pleasure he was lavishing on her. Slowly she started to come back when she felt his hands traveling down her body, one of them edging up under her dress.

"Mm, Hotch," she said, pushing a little on his shoulders.

He looked up, his eyes wild and confused. "What's wrong?" he said and she could see the nerves shining in his eyes through the lust that clouded them.

He kept his gaze fixed firmly on her eyes, but his hands were still slowly exploring her curves, making it hard for her to think. "Bad idea..." she mumbled, shivering as he moved closer.

"No," he said, against her skin, his lips barely touching the sensitive spot in the crook of her neck, "a very, _very_ good idea." He kissed her jawline, his lips surprisingly soft and gentle even in their urgency.

"But..." Her voice trailed away, she knew full well that all she wanted to do was to continue, that she did not want him to stop. His lips made their way up along her chin, to catch hers again in another searing kiss. She moaned into his mouth and he grabbed the opportunity to slide his tongue inside her mouth to slowly rub against hers.

"_Uh!_" She grunted as his hands slid up her sides to her shoulders, pushing the thin straps of her dress down. She helped him, reaching to her side to pull the zipper down. He had the dress in a heap of silk on the floor in a matter of seconds. His shirt and slacks met the same fate quickly.

His hands came back to her waist, pulling her closer as his mouth continued its exploration of her supple skin, trailing down her ribcage. He let it tease the side of one of her breasts before he pounced, taking a nipple between his teeth and rolling it to a hard nub. She groaned, pushing herself against him. All she could do was silently hum her consent as his large hands pushed her panties off of her hips.

He exhaled harshly as he slid inside her, breathing her name against her ear with every thrust, "_Emily... Emily... Emily..._"

**September 2015**

"Emily?"

She looked at Rossi, blinking and shaking her head to make the vivid images go away. It took her a few seconds to realize that they were no longer flying down the streets of Cleveland. They had stopped.

Throwing the door open she leaped out of the car, not bothering about Rossi or anyone else. "Morgan!" she shouted as she saw him standing a few yards in front of her, talking to some of the local law enforcement.

He turned, his dark brow sinking in a deep frown as he spotted her. Taking a few swift steps of his own they were face to face. "Em," he said.

"Where is he?" Emily said, her voice shaking.

"He's fine, Em," Morgan said, reaching an arm out to steady her. "He's with the paramedics over there." He pointed towards the house. "They say he just got a bump on the head."

Emily didn't even hear the last thing Morgan told her, she was already several paces in front of him, sprinting quickly in the direction he had pointed her. Finally she saw him, sitting in the back of an ambulance, scowling at one of the paramedics who was trying to clean a wound on the back of his head.

He's okay, she told herself. He's okay.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a review if you have the time.**

**Also... please visit this site to vote for Thomas Gibson as the most under-appreciated entertainer of the year: http:/ bit. ly/fb6Dwq**

**x Sussi**


	19. All is okay for now

**A/N: Thank you all for reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting! You all rock :)

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter nineteen – All is okay... for now**

Hotch felt his heart skip a beat as he saw Emily hurrying towards him. He could see the worry lines creasing her brow and he wanted nothing more than to get up, run to her and wrap his arms securely around her. But he stayed seated, waiting for her to come to him, he didn't want to admit it, but moving even an inch would hurt like hell at the moment. Further proven by how intensely the wound on the back of his head stung as the paramedic dabbed something against it. He winced and whipped around to glower at the paramedic, his ribs protesting the move with sharp pain that made him hiss.

"Hotch!" Emily was close enough to see the pained expression on his face and ran the last few steps towards him. "Derek said that it was just a bump on the head! This is a lot more than a bump on the head." She stopped in front of him, stooping down so she could take a closer look.

"I'm fine," Hotch said, trying very hard not to let her see just how hard his teeth were clenched together, "it's a couple of bruises. I just need a few band aids and some ibuprofen and I'll be good to go."

"Uh, Sir..." the paramedic cut in, clearly unnerved by Hotch's obvious reluctance to be near him, "we need to take you back to the hospital to get this wound stitched and you need to get x-rayed, you most likely have at least one broken rib."

Emily gasped, while Hotch just shook his head, slowly so not to hiss in pain again. "No, really I don't feel that bad, it's probably just a bruise."

"Hotch," Emily said softly, "I can tell that you're in pain, you can hardly sit straight." She let a hand rest on his knee, rubbing it gently.

Hotch glanced down at her hand, feeling a little bit of the most immediate pain disperse as her delicate hand rubbed circles over his knee spreading warmth through his body. "Emily, really, I'll be fine," he sighed through gritted teeth, affording himself another even more disapproving look.

"Stop lying, Hotch," she said, "you are going to the hospital to get checked out and that is final," she pushed herself up and began climbing into the ambulance, "and I'm going with you."

Hotch groaned, gingerly getting up onto his feet, practically growling at the paramedic as the young man tried to help him. Trying to inhale deeply, but failing as the movement made his side scream, he braced himself before following Emily into the back of the ambulance. "Fine," he said, "let's go then."

They rode in silence, Hotch leaning back against the gurney, feeling the dull ache in his head grow louder and his side hurting with every breath. He tried closing his eyes. He knew he couldn't look at Emily at the moment, he knew that she would begin demanding a detailed recount of what had happened to him and he wasn't feeling up to talking about that yet. All she knew right now, he guessed, was that the UnSub he fired at him and Morgan and that he had got hit. Fortunately his Kevlar had saved him, though the impact of the bullet had sent him flying backwards, crashing onto the ground and hitting his head.

**Two hours earlier**

"Clear!"

Morgan's voice came from upstairs, letting Hotch know that the house that they were currently inside was indeed empty. They had gone there based on a tip that one of their prime suspects had been seen both entering and leaving it on more than a few occasions. When they got there the house had been dark and seemingly empty. They had knocked, but no one had come to the door. Determined to at least find some clue they had made their way inside. But so far it had proved completely fruitless, the house seemed barely lived in.

Hotch took a few steps closer to the dirty living room window, peering out into the back yard. He stopped and did a double take, hiding behind a few large bushes was a small tool shed. It was hardly visible and he had missed it on his first swipe.

"Morgan!" he called, "there's a tool shed in the back yard." He stopped again, looking out the window carefully. A shadow flashed behind the small shed. "He's out there, Morgan. I'm going out, request back up!"

Pushing the back door open, he quickly realized that the dense shrubbery would afford him hardly no vision. The suspect could be anywhere behind those thick bushes. He held his Glock steadily in front of him. "FBI!" he called.

A small rustling sounded and he turned quickly. "FBI!" he called again, "show yourself." The loud crash that followed took him by surprise and he just had time to curse himself for being so careless before the impact of the bullet knocked him over.

As he fell images flashed before him. Jack as a newborn. Jack playing soccer just last week. Grace standing close to her mother's leg the first time he met her. Grace jumping happily on his bed. And Emily. Emily when she first came to the BAU. Emily squirming in pleasure underneath him. And Emily in that photo he had hidden away deep in his desk drawer – Emily beautifully pregnant with his little daughter.

* * *

Hotch slowly opened his eyes, staring directly into Emily's, still laced with concern. "Please, don't look at me like that," he said. The way her eyes lingered on his made him want to pull her in and hold her close. Made him want to comfort her.

"Like what?" She raised an eyebrow a bit irritably at him.

"Like I am seriously injured."

"You are injured, you were shot at."

"The vest took most of the hit, I was never unconscious, I just bumped my head, I was down for what, maybe five minutes." He tried smiling at her. "Morgan took down the suspect. I'm here, he's not, that's a fairly good outcome in my eyes."

"I know," Emily said, her voice almost inaudible, "you just had me really worried."

"Here we are," the paramedic said, reminding Hotch that they weren't alone inside the ambulance. It came to a soft halt and the paramedic pushed the doors opened. He turned to Emily, "You will have to go to the waiting area, Agent, while Agent Hotchner gets stitches and x-rayed."

Emily nodded and watched as they wheeled away Hotch down a long narrow corridor. She made her way to the nurses' station. Flashing her credentials at the friendly nurse she was given directions to where she could wait for Hotch.

The small waiting area was full of other people, all waiting on a family member or a friend. Some crying, some just sitting still, no one paying her any attention. She found a plastic chair and sank down, all her energy suddenly evaporated. Releasing a deep breath, she placed her head between her palms, closing her eyes. He was okay, she told herself. It was a close call, but he was okay.

She tried focusing on her breathing, slowly pulling in a lung full of air, holding it in for a few seconds and then exhaling slowly. After a few deep breaths she could feel herself slowly calming down.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there when swift steps sounded against the linoleum floor, making her look up. Rossi was plowing down the corridor towards her, getting angry glances from nurses that he promptly ignored. He spotted her. "Emily!"

She forced a smile. She really wanted to wait for Hotch alone, she didn't want anyone seeing her so frazzled and figure out what was going on inside her head. "Dave," she said as he stopped in front of her.

"Emily," he sank down in the chair next to her, "how is he?"

"He seems fine," she said, swallowing and brushing a hand through her hair, trying to estimate just how horrible it looked. "He needed stitches and he probably has fractured a rib, so he's getting x-rayed as well."

"That doesn't sound too bad," Rossi said, reaching out and giving her elbow a slight squeeze. "Morgan told me that he'd gone down hard, but had seemed okay after a few minutes, just sore."

"Yeah," Emily said, smiling weakly, "that's more or less what Hotch told me."

"He is going to be okay," Rossi stated, in a painfully obvious attempt to calm her. "What about you, Emily?"

"What about me?" she said, hoping that she sounded genuinely confused but guessing that she didn't.

"Are you okay?" Rossi said, playing along with her game. "You were almost incoherent in the SUV after we heard Morgan's request for backup and an ambulance."

"I'm fine," Emily said, a little too quickly, Rossi raising his eyebrows at her in silent question. She was just about to restate just how fine she was when the nurse she had spoken to earlier stopped in front of them.

"Aaron Hotchner?" she said, glancing at Emily.

"Yes," Emily nodded.

The nurse gave Emily a small smile. "He'll be able to leave in a little while, we've stitched him back up and given him some pain medication, he's got a hairline fracture on one of his ribs but he'll be just fine." She gave Emily's shoulder a pat. "You just looked so distraught when you came in, honey, that I wanted to tell you myself that your boyfriend is doing fine."

"Oh, uhm...Thank you," Emily stuttered, "but...uhm, he's not my boyfriend. But thank you so much." She smiled awkwardly at the nurse who simply smiled back and left.

Rossi chuckled. "Something is definitely wrong," he said, "when a complete stranger can see it, but the two of you are as blind as bats."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know by reviewing if you have the time.**

**There is a still a bit left to 400 reviews for this story, but I thought I'd let you know now anyway that reviewer # 400 will get the oneshot of their choice.**

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**x Sussi**


	20. I'm right here

**A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Also Thank You so much to each and everyone who voted for me and my stories in The Profiler's Choice CM Awards... I won! _Coming Back Home_ won Best Angst (tied with another fic) and Best Hotch/Emily fic and I won Best Overall New Author (tied with another author). I was so happy to be nominated and I really didn't expect to win, but I am super duper excited that I did. Thank You again!

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty – I'm right here**

Hotch's head snapped up from the book he had been trying to read the last hour or so as a soft knock lightly shook his door. Squinting he looked across the room at the white door. Had he imagined it? He got off the bed and took a few steps closer to the door, the pain medication issued by the doctor now allowed him to move without doubling over in pain. His side, where the bullet had hit his vest, still hurt a little but nowhere near as much as it had a few hours earlier. Now it was just a slight ache he was able to ignore. Still he had decided to postpone their flight back to Quantico till the next morning giving everyone the night off.

From what he had understood everyone else had gone out to find some form of recreation to pass the night with. He had assumed that alcohol would be a big part of said recreation and had opted to stay in his room to read and maybe watch some TV before turning in early. Therefore the knock on his door surprised him and made him wonder if it was just his mind and the painkillers playing tricks on him.

Another, a little firmer, knock shook away his uncertainty and he closed the distance in a few quick strides. Peering through the peephole, he couldn't help the way his cheeks flushed. He glanced down at his pajama bottoms and worn t-shirt shaking his head. He couldn't remember the last time someone besides Jack saw his dressed like this.

He cracked open the door. "Emily," he said, his brow rising slightly in question, "I thought you were out with the rest of the team." He opened the door a little wider, allowing her to brush past him and step inside.

She gave him a small smile as she walked through the door. "I was," she said, "I came back."

He closed the door and turned to follow her into the small room."Why?"

"I was worried," she said quietly, glancing down at her black boots and back up to briefly lock her eyes to his.

"Worried?" he said, his brow wrinkled in deep furrows. "About being out with the team? Did something happen?"

"No," Emily said, drawing out the word and eying him hesitantly, "I was worried about you... being all alone here at the hotel... after what happened."

"Oh." He took a few steps closer. "You really needn't be, Emily," he said, "I'm perfectly fine." He sat down on the bed, a small strangled woosh of air left his lungs as he hit the bed in an awkward angle.

Emily was by his side within a second. "Aaron," his first name slipped out without her noticing, "are you okay? Where does it hurt?" She ran a careful hand along his back.

"I'm okay, Emily," he said, turning carefully so that he could look her in the eyes, "I just hit the bed a little awkwardly. I promise, the pain has subsided almost completely, it just twinges from time to time now." Her hand was still slowly stroking his back and he had to bite down on his lip not to sigh as a comfortable warmth spread blissfully through his body.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive." His lips quirked in a slight smile, the need to reassure her and comfort her roaring up inside him like a fire desperate for oxygen. She nodded slowly, giving him a tiny smile, but her eyes, still laced heavily with anxiety, betrayed her. His reassurance had done nothing to calm her, she still looked like she was teetering on the edge of tears. Reaching out a hand to let it glide down her arm, he looked at her with warm, kind eyes. "Emily, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?"

She smiled weakly at him, a single tear slowly making its way down her pale cheek. "We almost lost you," she said silently, as one hand quickly brushed away the single escaped tear. She took a few deep breaths before continuing. "It was horrible... sitting in that SUV, hearing Morgan over the radio saying that you had been shot." She bit back a sniffle. Another tear slowly spilled over and she closed her eyes. A rough finger brushed against her cheek, only making the tears come faster.

"Em, don't cry," He trailed his fingers along her arm down to her hand, "I'm right here, you didn't lose me," he took her hand and placed it on his chest so that she could feel his heart beating and his chest rising and falling as he drew breath. "Look at me," he told her and she slowly opened her eyes, "look, I'm here, I'm okay, you didn't lose me."

"I know," Emily said, struggling to pull herself together, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment at having broken down in front of Hotch. "I'm sorry," she gave him a weak smile, "I've turned into a blubbering mess. It was just so... scary... to think about you not being here anymore."

"I know, honey," Hotch said, his eyes discreetly darting down to Emily's delicate fingers still curled over his heart. Carefully he let his own hand close over hers, cocooning it completely. He could feel her trembling ever so slightly. "I don't even want begin to think about leaving Grace or Jack," he said softly, "but I'm not going anywhere, you're all stuck with me."

Emily sniffled again and he let his other hand rest on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Thanks," she said, smiling at him.

"For what?" He raised an eyebrow.

"For letting me break down on you and for comforting me," she said. For a few minutes they sat in silence, his hand softly stroking her shoulder, her hand pressed against his chest.

Emily smiled, slowly leaning forward she let her lips brush against Hotch's, leaving them there only for a second before quickly drawing back. She laughed uncomfortably, shaking her head. "Sorry," she mumbled, turning her eyes away from his.

Hotch sat still a few short moments, not speaking, just gazing at Emily. He let the hand that still lay on her shoulder travel up along her slim neck to caress her rosy cheek. He took a gentle hold of her chin, tilting her face towards him. Her big brown eyes examined him carefully, searching his features for any hint at what he was feeling. He tried to relax them, to wordlessly tell her that he wasn't upset, not in the least.

She leaned in close to him again. This time her lips stayed on his longer, he could taste cherry and coffee on them. She didn't let him go, her lips pressed insistently against his. Her hand traveled up his bare arm, leaving goose bumps in its wake, then glided gently over the soft cotton of his t-shirt up to cup his cheek. Her thumb brushed his stubbled jaw and he felt himself giving in. The need to comfort her, to take away any pain she might be feeling, in any way that he could taking him over. She sighed against his mouth as his lips responded to hers.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review! Reviewer # 400 will get the oneshot of their choice. Whatever you feel like, I will write it :)**

**x Sussi**


	21. Comfort

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**If you haven't noticed, I updated this on Sunday as well, so make sure you've read all prior chapters. Also this chapter will stretch the T-rating, it's nothing too explicit but still please be aware that it's closer to M than usual.**

**If you want some more H/P angst I highly recommend that you check out "All This Time" by my lovely friend hotchityhotchhotch, you won't be disappointed.**

**Please enjoy!

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-one – Comfort**

Emily's grip on Hotch's t-shirt tightened as she felt his lips answering her plea. She desperately needed to feel him. She needed to touch him and to taste him and she knew that she was being irrational but she just had to make sure that he really was right there in front of her, living and breathing. That she could reach out and touch him and that he wouldn't vanish. So she pressed her lips harder against his, pouring all her needs and wants and desires into the kiss, willing him to follow her lead.

As Emily's lips tentatively left his mouth and began to travel down his chin, Hotch pulled back a little. He studied her face carefully, his eyes lingering a moment on her swollen lips, before gliding up to her eyes. She knew he was reading her mind. To him she was an open book, one that he had read so many times that by now he must know all the words by heart. She steadied herself, one hand resting on his thigh. Drawing a deep breath she took the opportunity to search his eyes for the answers she wanted. He was not the only one with the ability to read someone like an open book.

She could see his doubts and his trepidation swimming in his hazel eyes. A small wrinkle was forming between his brows. Her hand, the hand that had been clutching his shirt, sneaked up to tangle in his hair. She raked her fingers through the short, neatly trimmed, strands just above his neck. A smile tilted her lips at the way his eyes softened, at the twinkle that appeared in them, a twinkle she knew meant his worries were slowly disappearing.

He hummed softly as her fingers carefully scratched his scalp. Leaning closer he let his lips gently meet hers, for the first time taking control of the kiss. Emily sighed deeply as his strong arms twisted around her body. Bringing her closer to him, his mouth slowly explored hers as he relearned the soft curves of her lips. He soon had her flush against him. His teeth caught her bottom lip, nibbling it gently. A quiet moan left her, even after five years he knew just what buttons to push. Her hand, still nestled in his soft hair, pulled him closer. He released her lip, his mouth seeking the other spots on her body he knew would make her his. He placed featherlight kissed along her jawline, resting just under her ear to gently place his mark on her pale skin.

Emily's breathing grew harder, her body responding vividly to Hotch's ministrations. Short breaths of air left her lungs. She cupped his face, pulling him back to her mouth. Their lips met again, molding together perfectly, as if they were made for each other. A warmth grew inside her, Hotch's body nestled so closely to hers made her feel safe and warm, the feeling spreading quickly through her body.

Hotch's gentle hold on her lips felt wonderful, but the heat beginning to pool low in her stomach was impossible for her to deny. She clutched him harder, pushing herself against him as she let her tongue dance along his bottom lip. He groaned against her mouth, any doubts that he might have had seemed to have vanished completely, as his thin lips slipped apart to let her inside.

The first tentative touches, their tongues grazing each other gently, quickly turned into a heated battle for dominance. Tongues twirling together and hands grasping to touch as much of the other as possible. Both giving and taking. Hotch's hands slipped under Emily's shirt, his fingers on her warm skin made her purr her delight, relinquishing all control to him. Control that he gladly accepted.

His hands slipped out from beneath her shirt and she moaned her complaint. Opening her eyes, she gave him a dazed look as she heard his low chuckle. He grabbed her shoulders, gently pushing her back onto the bed so that she was lying with her head on one of the pillows. He followed suit climbing after her and straddling her. He bent forward to kiss her again, wincing a little when his ribcage twisted.

Emily quickly reached out to slide a hand along his side. "Are you okay?" It was the first words either of them had said in over ten minutes.

He nodded slowly, one hand clasping over hers. "Yeah," he said, his voice low and husky, colored by lust rather than pain. "Don't worry, Em," he bent in a different angle, his lips ghosting against the hollow of her throat, "I am going to make you feel so good."

"_Mmm_," she hummed, "you always knew how to make me feel good." She moved her hand from his side, slid it across his chest, carefully avoiding where she knew it still hurt, and down to tug at the hem of his t-shirt. He didn't resist, he just slowly raised his arms and let her pull the t-shirt over his head. Her eyes immediately latched onto the ugly purple bruise just below his chest. She traced careful fingers along its edges. It wasn't very big, but it looked horrible and just seeing it made her relive the afternoon's hellish care ride when she hadn't known if he was even alive.

_But he is alive_, she told herself as she let her fingers play over the bruise and up to one of his nipples dragging her fingernail in the few wisps of short black hair. He was here right in front of her and she could touch him and she could feel him shivering at her touch. She quickly pulled her own top off, she needed the skin-on-skin contact. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down on top of her. His lips found her neck, gently biting the soft skin then kissing it tenderly to soothe the small red mark forming.

Her fingers dug into his back when his mouth wandered further down creating a trail of kisses on her skin. He stopped a few moments at the deep valley between her breasts, his tongue deftly sneaking beneath the lace. He continued his path down along her stomach, setting her skin on fire and making her shudder before stopping to place soft kisses on each hipbone.

She exhaled slowly, letting her eyes drift shut, as she felt Hotch begin to unbuckle her belt. He pulled it from the loops, kissing her just above the waistband of her jeans as he did so. He popped the top button and pressed his lips just above the tiny black bow on her panties. Button, kiss, button, kiss, all the way until he had pushed her jeans off her hips. With her eyes still closed, she could feel the fabric gliding along her legs and she could hear the soft thump her pants hitting the floor made.

The bed dipped and she glanced up. Hotch had climbed off, his eyes were fixed on her half-naked body as he pushed his own pants off. She couldn't help the way her gaze dropped to his arousal. She licked her lips, tugging her bra off as he climbed back onto the bed, fully naked now. He pushed down her underwear, pulling them off her legs and finally discarding the last barrier between them.

"Come," she whispered, reaching out her arms, wrapping them around his strong torso and pulling him close. She gasped as his hand found its way down her body to gently stroke her. Her voice was strangled when she whispered her plea against his ear. "Please, Aaron," she inhaled sharply at the touch of his calloused finger, "I need you inside me."

He brought his mouth to hers, kissing her with unbridled passion, as he slowly slipped inside of her. They cried out their bliss as they were joined together. Her body matching his perfectly. Slowly, with each movement together, they guided each other to the glorious brink of oblivion.

Completely spent, Hotch pulled Emily close as they both drifted off into comfortable sleep.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review, if you have the time.**

**x Sussi**


	22. Bad idea

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading and for all the lovely reviews!

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-two – Bad idea**

Hotch jerked. Something tickling his face pulled him slowly from a deep comfortable sleep. Something silky and warm, something that smelled like vanilla. He couldn't help but draw a deep breath, filling his nostrils to the brim with that fragrant smell. He felt her naked body pressed against his, her back snuggled closely against his chest. His arms were tangled around her, one hand resting on her belly, the other on her hip. He could feel her chest moving with slow even breaths and he knew that she was still sleeping. He slowly opened his eyes to see her dark head resting on the pillow in front of him.

He sighed quietly, having her lay there so peacefully in his arms, warm and comfortable against his skin, made a need to pull her closer flood over him. He wanted to wrap his arms more securely around her slim body and keep her there. But slowly reality crept over him, making his muscles stiffen, and instead of pulling her close he slowly slithered away from her. He was careful not to jostle her so much that she would wake up, he knew that he was going to need a few minutes to compose himself. To push away thoughts that ought not be floating in his mind. He needed to convince his heart of what his head already knew – that this had been a very bad idea. They should not have had done this, she had been upset and he had wanted to comfort her and things had got out of hand. He should never have let it happen, it was a road neither of them should be walking down.

He gently got off the bed and trod softly over the carpeted floor. The light in the room was still dim, the blinds shutting out most of the early morning sunlight, and he had to squint to make out where he was stepping. Spotting his boxers on the floor by the foot of the bed he bent forward to get them. A sharp pain stabbed his side and made him suck in a sharp breath. Obviously the pain medication had worn off during the night and now his side was throbbing again. He most definitely had over-exerted himself, last night hadn't really been the low-key night his doctor had advised him to have. Moving slowly he picked up his boxers off of the floor and pulled them on, his eyes lingering on Emily's sleeping form the whole time. Taking a few more careful steps he found his t-shirt flung over a chair and pulled it carefully over his head, breathing hard as every little move stung at his ribs.

Gently, he sat down next to Emily, making sure that he kept at least a foot between them. A lock of raven hair had fallen across her face and it took all he had not to brush it behind her ear and caress her cheek. _Bad idea, _he thought to himself as he gazed at her red lips curled in a small smile. He touched her shoulder gently, fighting to ignore how soft and warm her skin was. "Emily," he said, shaking her shoulder a little, "uhm... time to wake up." She stirred and he moved further back as her eyes fluttered open.

"Hotch?" She sat up, looking around the room, for a second clearly disoriented, before turning back to look at him. He cleared his throat, glancing down at the white sheet slowly gliding down her front. She followed his eyes down, quickly grabbing the edge of the slipping sheet and tugging it back up around her chest and securing it under her arms, her cheeks turning bright red.

"Oh," she pulled the sheet even tighter around her torso. "Uhm..." she searched her brain for something to say, she could feel Hotch's eyes on her and she carefully lifted her gaze to trace his features. His face was set in stone, his lips forming a thin line and his eyebrows knotted tightly together. When her eyes finally met his her heart immediately sank a little. Shining in the hazel depths of his eyes was not joy or excitement but nerves and regret. They had changed so much from not even twelve hours before. The night before his eyes had been soft and warm, now he just looked uncomfortable.

"Sorry," she whispered, "I shouldn't have..."

"No, Emily..." Hotch said, turning away and getting off the bed, "it's my fault, you were upset and I... I shouldn't have let myself get carried away like that."

"You were just comforting me," she looked away, she didn't want to see the uneasiness in his eyes, "I was the one who threw myself at you..." she trailed off. Hotch didn't say anything, his brow just sank into an even deeper frown. She drew a deep breath. "Look, Hotch, let's just forget this ever happen," she said hoping he didn't notice her voice wobbling, "it was an emotional day and we both got carried away. It didn't mean anything, it was just two people comforting each other the best way they knew how."

Hotch nodded, turning so that she couldn't see his face, and started towards the bathroom. "Uhm, I'm going to take a shower so..."

"Okay." She knew he meant that she would get a chance to get dressed and leave without anymore awkwardness than what had already transpired.

As the bathroom door closed behind Hotch and Emily could hear the shower being turned on a few seconds later she quickly got out of bed. The sheet still secure around her, she padded around the room collecting the clothes, that had been strewn across the floor in passion the night before, as fast as she could.

Carefully pushing the door a little bit open, she peeked around it, making perfectly sure that the corridor was completely deserted before she took the few short steps to her own room. Pulling the key card from her pocket she quickly pushed it into the slot, letting go of a big breath when the little lamp blinked green and she could push her way into her room.

Sinking down on her, still made up, bed she kicked off her boots with a little more forced than needed sending them flying against a wall. Bracing her elbows against her knees she let her head fall into her palms and ran her fingers through her tousled hair. Why hadn't she just ignored the feelings running around inside her, pushed them to the side and closed her eyes? Why had she let them run wild and take her over?

She pushed herself off of the bed, they were flying back to Quantico in less than two hours and she needed to get ready. She needed to take a shower and she needed to pack her things and she needed to take all lingering feelings, put them into a little box and store them away someplace deep inside.

Pulling her top off, her mind immediately traveled back to the previous night when she had pulled it off for him, the image of him kneeling in front of her, of his flushed face and his hungry eyes flashing before her. Closing her eyes tightly she fought to will the images away. Taking a few steps towards the bathroom she stepped out of her jeans and underwear, folding them together with her top and putting them into the laundry bag she had inside her go bag.

The cold air bushed her skin and she shivered, longing deep inside to have him warm her. But she saw the look in his eyes. The uneasiness and the regret. She knew he was wishing that last night never happened. She didn't doubt that he wanted her, she knew him well enough to know that he would never have slept with her just to make her feel better and she had seen the lust in his eyes. But they had already been there once and obviously he didn't want to make the same mistakes again.

The tiles felt unusually cold under her feet as she stepped into the shower. Turning on the spray she let the warm water flow over her body and heat up her skin. She lifted her head to allow the water to splash across her face and mask the few lonely tears trickling down her cheeks. He didn't love her, he never had. It was his primal need to protect everyone around him and maybe some need to be close to someone on an emotional day that had got the better of him. Five years ago they had given into similar needs, then as an afterthought they had tried to have a relationship and they had failed. This time around they had so much more to lose and she knew that it would be such a bad idea to get involved again, but knowing that still didn't change the sinking feeling that was gripping her heart.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! Please take a tiny moment to leave a review, I appreciate them so much :)**


	23. The day after

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope that you are all still enjoying yourselves.**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-three – The day after**

Emily drew a deep breath, she needed to pause a few moments before sliding the key into the lock of her front door and walking inside to greet her daughter. Closing her eyes she leaned against the door frame, letting her go bag fall quietly to the floor. She could hear Grace's voice chirping away inside and she knew she needed the extra few seconds to collect herself. Grace was her mommy's and her daddy's daughter and that meant that she was very intuitive and could most of the time tell when something was off with people. She didn't want her daughter to see that she was even the slightest bit upset, so she leaned against the wall slowly breathing in and out.

The quick breakfast at the hotel and the flight back only hours after she had left Hotch's room had only made her feel even more uncomfortable and made her more sure that they had done something they shouldn't have.

**Six hours earlier**

Emily glanced around the empty cabin as she entered the jet together with JJ and Rossi. She waited for the others to take their seats before she joined them, sitting down by the table in front of JJ. Rossi had chosen the seat behind them and immediately picked up a book, leaving the seat next to Emily empty.

She was just telling JJ about her and Grace's plans for the weekend when the rest of the members of the team arrived. Last to board the plane was Hotch. Emily could feel herself holding her breath as he scanned the cabin.

The seat next to her was still vacant, almost as if both Morgan and Reid had known that they weren't supposed to sit there. It glared at her, daring her to hope that he'd choose it and sit down next to her. His eyes met hers for just the briefest of moments before quickly being pulled away again. Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he unwillingly pulled all eyes onto him. "Uhm…Everyone ready?" he said, his brow in deep furrows. Receiving a few nods he turned and took the few short steps to the cockpit to let the pilot know that they were all ready for takeoff.

When he returned, Emily sought his eyes again, trying to make him sit down next to her. Her eyes followed him carefully as he moved along the aisle, his long legs carrying him easily through the narrow space. She trailed her gaze after him as he made his way towards her, her breath hitching in her throat as he walked past her and sank down in the empty single seat at the far back. Turning back she was met by JJ's raised eyebrow. "What?" JJ mouthed. "Nothing," Emily answered just as wordlessly.

JJ shook her head then nudged Reid's side to get him to move. He startled, pulled abruptly from the book he was devouring, but moved from his seat to let JJ out. She slid out, shooting a look at Emily as she made her way to the back of the plane. She glanced down at Hotch as she passed him. He had his eyes locked firmly on a spot in the distance, his arms crossed over his chest as his foot was tapping against the floor. His brow was creased and something was obviously bothering him.

She continued to the small gallery, picking up two cups and filling them with steaming water. She chanced another quick look at Hotch, he was shifting in his seat uncomfortably, the fractured rib most likely bothering him. She leaned forward. "Hotch?" she said. He turned to face her. "Would you like some tea?" she held up a bag of Earl Gray.

He shook his head. "No. But thank you for asking, JJ."

She smiled back and watched him lean against the seat again and continue to blankly stare out the window. Grabbing the two cups she had prepared for Emily and herself, she made her way back to take the empty seat next to Emily. Placing one of the cups on the table in front of her, she patted Emily's arm. "Got you some tea," she smiled.

"Thanks, Jayje," Emily gave her a small smile back, wrapping a hand around the cup and bringing it to her lips. Blowing gently on the steaming liquid, she tried to avoid JJ's searching eyes. But as she continued to feel those piercing blue eyes boring holes in her she felt increasingly guilty. Putting the cup back on the table, she turned to fully look at JJ.

"Are you okay?" JJ said, as she raised a concerned eyebrow at her friend.

"I'm fine," Emily said, her eyes darting quickly to her hands and back to up to meet JJ's. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you just seem a little off," JJ said, taking a small sip of her tea, "like there is something bothering you."

"I'm fine, Jayje," Emily said, trying to sound as convincing as possible but just feeling increasingly bad for lying to her friend. "Yesterday was kind of an overwhelming day," she sighed "I guess maybe I haven't really got over it yet."

JJ nodded, reaching out and squeezing Emily's hand. "You're right," she said, "it was a scary day, but it turned out alright at the end. You sure that is all?"

"Yes, I'm sure that is all," Emily said, "I just need a weekend with Grace, then I'll be back to my normal self again"

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Pushing herself off of the doorframe, Emily grabbed her go bag and slid the key into the lock. Opening the door, she tilted her lips in a smile as she heard little feet racing towards her.

"Mommy!" Grace squealed as she came crashing into Emily's legs, wrapping her thin arms around Emily's knees. "You're back! I missed you. Now we can play and we can go to the park and we can visit Daddy and…" she rambled hurriedly, almost stumbling over the words as they jumped out of her mouth.

"Easy, sweetheart," Emily chuckled as she bent down to give Grace a kiss, "we have the whole weekend." She crouched down to be able to properly embrace her little girl. "Hey," she said after placing a soft kiss on her round cheek, "I love you lots." She snuggled Grace closer and smiled as her arms twirled around her neck. "I love you lotser, Mommy."

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Hotch sighed heavily as he closed the trunk of his dark sedan and locked it. He heaved his black leather duffle bag over his shoulder and started towards the elevator. Pushing through the sliding silver doors, he pushed the button for the first floor. Turning slightly he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirrored wall. He closed his eyes, not ready to look into his furrowed face, not ready to look himself in the eyes just yet.

He knew that he had hurt Emily. He knew that he shouldn't have been so short with her and he should have given her a better explanation. And he shouldn't have avoided her during the flight back. But if he hadn't distanced himself, if he had let himself get swept away in the moment, he wasn't sure if he would have been able to get back on track. And eventually that would have led to both of them hurting each other, just like it had the last time. But this time it wouldn't just hurt the two of them. Grace would be stuck in the middle and he would never let that happen.

So he would just swallow his feelings and try his best at forcing Emily from his mind, even if that meant staying away from her. At least until the billowing emotions between them had calmed down. It was all the craziness during the day before that had brought all those feelings to the forefront, maybe it had heightened them or even created some that weren't really there.

The elevator dinged, letting him know that he had arrived at his destination. Stepping out, he paused for a few seconds before continuing to his front door. He drew a few deep breaths, trying to school his features, trying to pull his mask back on, to void his face of the emotions stirring inside him.

Sliding his key in the lock, he could hear noise coming from inside. Jack was laughing and shouting something to Jessica and the sound made a small smile creep across his face as he pushed the door open and stepped inside. Dropping his bag on the floor he called out for them, "Jack, buddy? Jessica?"

"Kitchen!" He heard Jessica call back. "Hey, buddy. Hey Jess," he said as he entered the kitchen, finding them both seated by the table having a snack. He bent down and gave Jack a kiss on the head and took the seat next to him. "How are you two?" he said.

"Fine, thanks," Jessica gave him a warm smile, "but I do have some stuff that I need to get done and I have a date this evening, so if it's okay with you I think I'll leave you guys alone now."

"It's more than okay," Hotch stood to give Jessica a quick hug goodbye, "thanks so much for staying with Jack."

"You are both very welcome and I will see you on Monday." She gave Jack a hug and left the father and son alone.

Hotch took the few steps to the fridge, opening it and retrieving a bottle of water before sitting down next to Jack again. "So, how've the last few days been, buddy?" he said, reaching out to squeeze Jack's shoulder.

"Pretty good," Jack said, shrugging "did you get the bad guy?"

"We did," Hotch said, taking a sip of water. He never told Jack much about the stuff that happened on cases, only that they had been successful. Their relationship, though mended quite a bit during the last few weeks, was still a little fragile and he didn't want another part of his life to affect his son negatively.

"Dad?" Jack said, pulling Hotch back, "was it difficult?"

"Uh," Hotch smiled at Jack, "no more than usual. Why do you ask?"

"Because you look so sad, Dad," he said and Hotch felt his heart sink, "Then is it… Are you sad because of Miss Prentiss?"

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**A/N: Thank you all for reading, please leave a review (it'll be my Christmas gift ;))**

**Coming Back Home will be taking a short break and will be back January 5, I hope you don't mind, family engagements will be keeping me busy. But I will try to get a lot written anyway. Also there might still pop up the odd oneshot here and there.**

**Merry Christmas!**

**x Sussi**


	24. Avoidance

**A/N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I hope that you all have had a pleasant Christmas and a happy new year so far! Please enjoy!**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-four – Avoidance**

**Monday**

Emily let her eyes fall shut and drew a few slow, controlled breaths. Exhaling deeply and opening her eyes she pushed through the glass doors and into the bullpen. As she made her way to her desk, she chanced a quick glace up at Hotch's office. She didn't see him, but the lights were on, so he was definitely there somewhere. She knew she would eventually have to face him.

Passing Morgan's desk, she gave him a tight smile. As if her awkwardness with Hotch wasn't enough, she and Morgan were still not back to the way they used to be. They used to be close friends, now they were just colleagues – two people working together – nothing more, nothing less. But if Derek wanted to go back to their old ways he could come to her and tell her so. She blamed herself completely for the distance between her and Hotch. The rift between her and Morgan, however, was in her eyes his doing. She understood his reaction but she would have thought that he would understand where she was coming from or at least that he would have tried to see it from her point-of-view. But that was just something that would have to wait, she didn't have the time nor the energy for dealing with that right now. Her screwed up relationship with Hotch was all she could handle.

Sighing quietly to herself, she sat down in her swivel chair and shoved her purse into the bottom desk drawer. Looking up she was met by a brief but cheery wave from Reid. One that she responded to with a smile she wasn't sure reached her eyes. Even if it didn't, Reid already had his eyes back on his file and was none the wiser.

She made another quick check of the room. He still wasn't there. Maybe he was hiding away somewhere, maybe he didn't even want to look at her, she wondered silently to herself. Not that Hotch was known for hiding away from any problem he might be having, but apparently this was one situation he was just going to avoid best he could. At least if the previous day was anything to go by.

After Grace's first visit to Hotch's apartment, a little over a month earlier, Emily and Hotch had decided that every Sunday would be his and Grace's special day. She would bring Grace over to his apartment in the morning and he and Grace would spend the day together, just the two of them. As he had said nothing about it, neither during Friday nor Saturday, she had brought Grace to him promptly at ten am the day before.

**Sunday**

Emily held Grace's tiny hand in hers as she rapped her knuckles lightly against Hotch's front door. She could hear him on the other side just a few seconds after she had knocked, as if he had been standing by the door waiting for them to arrive. Maybe he had. Her cheeks began to burn uncomfortably in anticipation as she heard the slight rattle of the chain and the rasping of the turning lock. She wasn't sure what would meet her. Was he going to be aloof and awkward, like he had been Friday morning, or would it all be forgotten by now? Would he pretend like nothing had happened between them and be back to full stoic unit chief behavior?

The door slid open. He was in jeans and a worn t-shirt and she had to bite her lip to force the tiny spark forming in the pit of her stomach to fizzle away. His eyes quickly met hers, but he said nothing, instead focusing solely on Grace, crouching down and enveloping her in his strong arms. Grace squirmed and giggled as Hotch playfully rubbed his unshaven cheek against hers. "Ick! Daddy! That scratches!" She put her small hands on his broad chest and pushed, giggling more when she met his mischievous eyes. He let her go, straightening his long legs as he stood back up and watched her scurry into the apartment.

Finally meeting Emily's eye again, he cleared his throat, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Uh. Hey," he said. "Hi," she answered, forcing a small, uncomfortable smile onto her lips.

"You want to come in?" He took a step back as Emily gave a slight nod and slid past him. He closed the door behind him and turned towards her, his eyes slowly gliding across her face as he took a few steps towards her. "Uh, you want something to drink?" he asked. She shook her head. "Hotch," she said, her voice hushed, "please, we need to talk about this."

"What's there to say?" Hotch whispered back, making sure Grace wasn't anywhere near them. "It was a bad idea, a lapse in judgment on both our parts." She could see the uneasiness laced thick in his eyes, but pushed a little further, they needed to talk about it. "Maybe so," she said, "but I still feel that we need to discuss it, to make some sense of it… Hotch, we _slept_ together, that is a _big_ deal."

"I thought we both agreed that it was a way to comfort each other, a very irresponsible way to comfort each other. Can't we just leave it at that and move on?" Hotch almost hissed, his eyes never meeting hers, instead locked on the wall in front of him.

"Fine," Emily said quietly, the feeling of rejection threatening to take her over. If it had all been just one huge mistake to him, then she wouldn't pressure him about it anymore. Why put herself through that? Again.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Grace called, breaking through the tense air. She was used to Emily spending a few minutes with them before departing and had come back to the hallway to look for them. "Come on! Why're you just standing!" She gave them both a frown and stalked over, grabbing them by their hands.

"Actually, sweetness," Emily said, kneeling next to Grace, "I have to leave now," Grace's lips turned into a pout, "but you and Daddy have lots of fun, maybe you can show him your new Barbie?" Grace's face instantly lit up at the prospect of showing him the brand new (probably very expensive) Barbie doll her grandmother had bought her in London. "Give me a kiss," Emily smiled, giving her daughter a quick peck, "and be good for Daddy, okay?"

"Kay, Mommy," Grace hugged her mother one more time before grabbing her pink backpack and starting her search for the new doll. "Uhm, okay…" Emily said as she stood back up, "I'll be back around four to get Grace, if that is okay with you, that is." She ghosted a hand over Grace's head as the little girl squeezed past her parents.

"Perfect," Hotch gave her an awkward tilt of the lips, "okay…I should…" he said, starting to follow after Grace.

"Yeah, well…I'll see you later then." Emily said before turning and leaving.

**Monday **

"Yeah, JJ, briefing in thirty minutes," Hotch said as he left the liaison's office, closing her door behind him. As he closed in on the glass doors his feet began to slow down, finally creeping along the floor, making a two minute walk last more than the double. When he came up to the doors he stopped entirely. Through the clear glass panes he could see Emily sitting by her desk, her hands wrung together on top of the blotter and her eyes staring off into space.

He felt a pang of guilt, pinching his insides at her tensed features. He knew it was because of him, the way he had acted. But he could not let himself talk to her about it, because he did not trust that his resolve, to not allow himself to reignite and act upon any old lingering feelings, would hold if he was alone with her. He would just have to avoid being alone with her. Cut himself off from her as much as he could until he knew that he could trust himself again.

Breathing in deeply and slowly exhaling, he pushed the door forward, taking a determined stride forward. He kept his eyes firmly on his office door, as he hurried down the length of the bullpen, trying hard not to let them wander around the room and inevitably land on Emily.

"Hey, Hotch." Reid's cheery voice stopped him. He turned, uncomfortably aware of how close to Emily's desk and Emily he was standing. She kept her gaze on the file lying on her desk, he kept his trained on Reid. "Morning, Reid," he said, giving him a nod and taking a few more steps forward.

"Had a good weekend?" Reid kept going, oblivious to Hotch's irritated gaze. "It was fine, thank you," Hotch said, intentionally keeping his answers as vague as possible, to avoid any further questions. "Uh, briefing in twenty-five minutes, guys," he said, looking from Reid to Morgan, but keeping his eyes far away from Emily.

Turning, he quickly made his way up the metal stair case, taking the steps two at a time he could swear he felt both Reid and Morgan's eyes boring through his back. Resisting the burning urge to turn around and give Emily a reassuring look, to fly down the stairs and wrap his arms around her, he pulled his door opened.

"Aaron, we need to have a little chat."

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**A/N: Thanks so much for reading. Please do leave a review if you have the time.**

**Also, if you are a fan of Thomas Gibson and you are on Twitter – check out TheHotchettes**

**x Sussi**


	25. Tell Emily

**A/N: Thank you all for reading. I just want to say that I hope that the fact that this story still is rather sad and angsty hasn't repelled too many readers, please remember that it will eventually be happier.**

**Please enjoy!

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**

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-five – Tell Emily**

"And what do we need to talk about that is so urgent it has you waiting in my office to ambush me?" Hotch arched a brow and sent Rossi, who was sitting in the visitor's chair across from his desk with a cup of coffee in one hand, an irate glare.

Rossi held up one hand, his mouth tilting in a friendly smirk. "No ambushing going on here, Aaron, I just didn't want to miss out on getting a chance to speak to you, is all."

"So, you broke into my office?" Hotch shot over his shoulder as he closed the door behind him.

"The door was unlocked…"

"But shut and the lights were off," Hotch pointed out, dropping his briefcase on top of the small table next to the black leather couch and pouring himself a glass of water.

"Your point being…" Rossi cocked his head to the side, smiling as innocently as he could.

"Ah, never mind," Hotch sighed, walking over to his desk chair and sitting down, placing the glass on top of the blotter and glaring across the desk at Rossi, "what did you want?" He knew his tone was short, but he didn't have it in him to care and he knew that Rossi was one of few people who wouldn't mind.

"Oh, I just wanted to discuss a few things with you," Rossi said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Yeah?" Hotch raised an eyebrow, wondering if maybe this wouldn't be about Emily, maybe all Rossi wanted to talk about was an old case or something. "Which cases?" He opened his desk drawer and began leafing through the folders.

"You won't be needing those, Aaron," Rossi said, "there won't be any files on this." He put the cup down. Hotch raised a brow again, but chose to not ask any questions, just letting Rossi continue. "You and Emily doing okay?" Rossi said his voice annoyingly casual, as if he were asking whether Hotch had read this morning's paper.

"We are," Hotch said, "we have our ups and downs, but who doesn't?"

"And right now you're down." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you are both sometimes very easy to read," Rossi said, "She's tensed and she seems a bit off, and you were an even crankier bastard than usual all Friday and it's obvious that your disposition is no sunnier today. No, something is definitely wrong. What did you do?"

Hotch frowned. "Why do you automatically think I did something?" he said, "We're fine, nothing is wrong."

"Please Aaron, you of all people should know better than to try to lie to me, you know full well that I can't be fooled." He chuckled slightly. "Now why don't you try talking about your problems for once, instead of bottling them all up beneath that proper two-button suit of yours?"

"It's personal," Hotch said.

"Ah, don't give me that, Aaron. When have you ever not been able to tell me something personal, we've known each other twenty years, you know I won't tell anyone." Dave sighed, switching to a softer tone. "You seemed to be getting along better and better, becoming closer again, you saw what a damned mess she was after you got shot and she was just as bad when we were waiting for you at the hospital and all through the night, well at least as long as she was out with us, she left early…" Rossi stopped mid-sentence, his eyes growing wider and his mouth gaping slightly, before closing in a knowing smile. "That's what happened, isn't it?" he said.

"What?"

"She came out with us, was all frazzled the whole time and left after about an hour. She went back to the hotel and she went to check up on you, right?" He cocked an eyebrow at Hotch's thinly stretched lips. "You two slept together and now you're uncomfortable for some reason." Hotch looked at Rossi and confirmed his suspicions with a short nod, shifting his eyes down to his hands. "What happened?"

Hotch sighed, his eyes still glued to his hands. "She came to my room, very upset, I tried to comfort her and then well one thing just led to another." He glanced up at Rossi. "It was poor judgment on both our parts, but I let things go too far, I shouldn't have…" he trailed off, taking his eyes off of Rossi to look out the window instead.

"Why?" Rossi asked, "why is this a bad thing, Aaron?"

"We're not ready for a relationship, _I'm_ not ready for a relationship…"

"But you love her," Rossi cut him off, staring at him, willing him to admit what they both knew was the truth. "That's not a bad thing," he drew a breath, "look Hotch I don't know what your relationship was like before she left but it can't all have been bad, and you must have learned from past mistakes, both of you, maybe this time around it would work."

Hotch sighed, burying his face in his hands, rubbing his palms across his cheeks. He closed his eyes. For a few short weeks just after they'd thrown themselves head first into a relationship everything between him and Emily had been perfect. Before their fears and doubts started playing mind games on them and leading them down the wrong path.

**August 2010**

Hotch let a finger play along the thin cotton separating his hand from the soft skin of Emily's hip as she lay snuggled close to him on the couch in his living room, the TV playing some movie they weren't really watching. His finger continued up over the slight swell of her hip and along her narrow waist to graze her bare shoulder. She shifted a little in his arms, brushing long soft hair against his face. He pushed it aside, letting his head dip forward to plant a soft kiss on her neck.

She turned around, granting him access to her lips. He could feel her smile as he pressed his lips against hers, she opened her mouth a bit and he let his tongue slide inside, rubbing it gently against hers, pulling a vibrating moan from her throat. Stopping himself, before the moment would escalate to something he'd have a much harder time ending, he brushed her hair from her face and looked at her with dark inquiring eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?" he said, rubbing the pad of his index finger against her warm cheek.

"I'm fine," she smiled back, leaning forward and giving him a quick kiss on his closed lips, "you don't have to worry about me, even though you are very cute when you do it."

He gave her a slightly exasperated stare, not approving entirely of her trying to make light of a serious situation. Their last case, which they had come back from only the day before, had been a bad one. Four brutally butchered twenty-something women all buried in the same shallow grave, that Emily had been the one to find.

He had seen the troubled look in her eyes, he had known that she was struggling and all he had wanted to do was to wrap her in his arms and just hold her. But he knew that he couldn't do that, no one knew that their relationship had progressed to something beyond just a close friendship, instead he had watched her from afar as she dealt with it on her own.

The night they got back he didn't have to wait long before she was standing outside his door. The second it was closed behind them she was in his arms, her lips were on his and he was leading them towards his bedroom, any thoughts about the case slowly drifting away.

"Emily," he said, pulling her closer, "it was a gruesome case, we can talk about it if you want to."

"No," she sighed against his chest, "I'd rather just forget about it, this is the first alone time we've had together in almost a week, let's not spoil it with work talk." She gave him another kiss, before sitting up and stretching her arms above her head. "Mm, I'm hungry," she smiled, "got any ice cream?"

"Of course," Hotch grinned back, stroking her back, "you know I always make sure to have a pint of double-chocolate chip ice cream in my freezer."

"That's my favorite," Emily said, running her hand through his hair and laughing at the mess she created.

"I know," Hotch said as he watched her disappear into the kitchen.

**September 2015 (present day)**

Hotch turned his gaze back onto Rossi. The other man still had his wondering eyes on him, waiting for him to say something, to confirm or to deny.

"Yes," Hotch finally admitted, "I love her," he continued at Rossi's raised eyebrow. Falling silent again he sat staring out the window, sinking deeper into his own mind. It was time he admitted to himself that Emily was more to him than just a subordinate, or a friend or the mother of his daughter. That the feelings that had come to the forefront a few days earlier weren't created from the stressful and emotional situation, they had been there all along, he just hadn't been able to face them.

"But that's not enough," he finally sighed, "We did it the wrong way the first time around, throwing ourselves into a relationship without really considering the consequences and look where that got us."

"No one's saying that you have to throw yourself into anything," Rossi said, "I just think that you should acknowledge the emotions that exists between you." He sighed, furrowing his brow. "Look, Aaron, if you're not ready for a relationship then you're not ready, that's okay, but you have to tell Emily that," he said, "she deserves that much. You can't just avoid her and hope that the feelings go away, because they won't."

"I know," Hotch sighed, "I know and I will, the last thing I want is for her to get hurt, but I feel like that is what would happen to both of us and to Grace if we got together now. I need more time."

"Don't tell me," Rossi smiled encouragingly, "tell Emily."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought in a short (or long) review.**

**It's time to nominate your favorite stories in the CM Fanfic Awards on LJ. Here's the link. http:/ community. livejournal. com/cmfanficawards (remove the spaces).**

**If you want to nominate a story make sure to read the rules carefully first because a lot of little things can get your nomination(s) disqualified.**

**x Sussi**


	26. Persuasion

**A/N: Thanks for reading. **

**An extra big Thank You to hotchityhotchhotch for the helpful plot discussion.**

**Please enjoy!

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**

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-six – Persuasion**

Emily placed the small glass of red wine, she had just poured herself, back onto the coffee table as a gentle knock was heard at the front door. She waited a few seconds, making sure that the muffled sound hadn't disturbed Grace who was sound asleep in her room upstairs, before she quietly padded over to the door. Glancing through the peephole she sighed as she saw the stoic face on the other side, eyes downcast and mouth stretched thinly into a nervous line.

As she just watched him for a few seconds she couldn't help but briefly let her mind travel back to that day, several years ago, when she had been standing in this very spot looking through the peephole and seeing the same man standing on the other side. She had known that day. When he had come to bring her back, when he showed her, in his own way, that he obviously didn't want her to leave, she had known that what she had been feeling for him was more than loyalty to her superior or even friendship.

Now she wasn't sure if letting herself act on those feelings all those years later had been the best thing for her to do. She would never go back and change her actions because it had given her Grace, but it had also given both her and Hotch so much pain.

"Hotch?" she said as she pulled the door opened. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," he said, "may I come in?"

"Of course." She stepped to the side to let him in, watching as he made his way into the living room. She followed and sat down on the cream colored sofa, giving him a tight smile and gesturing for him to follow her. "How's Grace?" he asked as he sat down in an arm chair next to her. "She's great," Emily said, "she's been out like a light for almost an hour."

"That's good," Hotch said, giving a small smile, then falling silent again.

"Hotch?" Emily said, after a few moments, "I know you didn't come here to talk about Grace or to just sit here quietly for that matter. Why are you really here?"

"We need to talk," he said again, "or rather I need to tell you something."

"Yes?"

"I want to tell you that I'm sorry," he said, "I've handled this whole situation really badly…"

"Yes, you have," Emily cut in, pausing and shaking her head when her snappish tone reached her own ears. "Sorry," she said, "that's not fair. I know that this has been difficult for you."

"It has been difficult for you too and I know that what happened between us didn't make it any easier for you, Emily," Hotch said, "I did the wrong thing trying to just ignore what happened, pretend that it didn't happen at all. You were right, we do _need_ to talk about this."

"Yeah," Emily nodded, a bit taken aback by the words coming from Hotch, her mind at the same time painting pictures of what he might have to say. She let out a nervous laugh. "We really screwed up again, didn't we?"

The corner of his mouth tilted a bit and he gave her a slight chuckle. "Well, we screwed at least," he deadpanned.

Emily smiled, relived that he didn't seem to be upset about what they had done anymore. "I _am_ sorry though, Hotch," she said, "I was upset and you were just trying to help and I took advantage of that."

"No, please don't apologize, Emily," Hotch said, shifting a bit and awkwardly placing his hand on top of her knee, "It's as much, if not more, my fault. You'd had a rough day, I should have stopped it. But…" he said, pausing and pinching the bridge of his nose, "I didn't want to, I didn't want us to stop." He looked away, clearly embarrassed.

"I didn't want to stop either…" Emily said, ghosting gentle fingers over the hand still resting on her knee. "I guess I just needed that connection."

"Me too," Hotch said slowly, then taking a deep breath and looking her straight in the eyes. "Emily, I am not going to deny that I feel something for you," he said, "something deeper than friendship, but please understand that I'm just not ready for anything more right now. This is all happening really fast, I haven't had time to get used to all the changes happening in my life yet, I just need more time."

"Oh," Emily said, feeling her cheeks begin to burn. She was really the reason behind all the awkwardness between them. It was she that had dumped all of this onto him. His life was so drastically different right now because of her. She felt like she needed a few minutes, but she could see that he was waiting for her to answer him, his brow creased in deep furrows and his eyes carefully seeking hers. "Hotch… neither am I," she said, swallowing as she searched for the right words, "I've been back just over two months, this is moving fast for me too, Aaron."

"Oh," Hotch said, and she wasn't sure if it was just a hint of disappointment she saw in his eyes, but she brushed that thought away, "well, then I am glad that we could set things straight." He braced himself on his knees and began rising, but Emily caught his arm and tugged him back down.

"Hotch," she said, giving him a small but warm smile, "I'm not saying that I don't want there to be something more between us," she said quickly, "I just feel that we need to take a few steps back, go back to being friends again like we used to be, before we throw ourselves into something we might both regret later."

Hotch nodded slowly. "I completely agree," he said, "I just want what's best for Grace and right now that's not us diving into a relationship no matter how tempting that might be. I want us to be friends, Em, I really do." With that he stood up. "Would you mind if I just went upstairs real quick to check on Grace, I won't wake her."

"Of course not," Emily said as she also got up from her seat and watched as he carefully ascended the flight of stairs and disappeared towards Grace's room. A few minutes later Hotch came back down, a smile spreading across his lips. "She's still sleeping soundly," he said, his smile widening, "she was clutching the bear I got her."

"She loves that bear," Emily smiled back, "because her daddy gave it to her."

Hotch smiled and leaned in to give Emily a quick, somewhat awkward, hug. "I'm glad we talked," he said, "we really needed it." Emily just smiled back. "I will see you tomorrow," he said. "Bye Hotch," she said as he turned and made his way through the front door.

**September 2010**

Hotch sighed as he pulled a couple of shirts off of their hangers, folding them and shoving them into his go bag. He looked down at the bag, it was almost ready, he would just need a few more things. But he was more or less ready to leave whenever he got the chance. He stopped a moment. Was he really doing this? Was he just going to drop everything and chase after a woman he didn't even know felt the same way as he did?

He grabbed the bag off the floor and started towards the living room. He had to do this. He had to go to New York and tell her that he needed her to come back to him. He hadn't been sleeping well, he had been scattered and he had been biting people's heads off without apparent reasons. He was unraveling quickly. But was it fair to her? She had left for a reason. He was sure that he was the reason. She couldn't work with him anymore, she didn't even want to see him anymore. He sighed deeply. Maybe he would just upset things further by showing up unannounced.

He let the bag fall from his hands and sat down on a chair. Palming his face, he drew several deep breaths, trying to get a grip on the situation. She had left him, why was he running after her? Because he loved her. But maybe that wasn't enough, maybe they would both be better off if they stayed apart. He couldn't help the few tears stinging his eyes as he thought about never seeing Emily again.

He needed someone to tell him what to do. Gingerly he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and pressed the familiar number.

"Jareau."

"JJ, it's Hotch," he said, "I need to ask you something, would it be possible for you to meet me few minutes before the briefing today?"

"Sure, Hotch," JJ said, "no problem."

An hour later he sat in his office and greeted JJ with a tight nod as she came through his door. "What did you want to see me about, Hotch?" she asked, as she sat down opposite him and gave him a smile.

"Well, uhm," he said, shifting in his seat, his eyes darting to look at the empty seat in the bullpen and back to JJ. "I was thinking that we might be needing someone to consult on a few cases, do you think…uh," he paused, "that maybe Emily would be up for that"¨

"Uh, Hotch," JJ said and he could tell that she hadn't expected that to be his question, "she just left a month ago, I'm not sure she would be okay with coming back so soon."

"Maybe if I asked her in person she would consider it," he said, knowing full well that he was beginning to sound desperate.

"Eh, I really don't think so, Hotch," JJ said, giving him a sad smile that made him wonder if she knew everything that had happened, "she's just started at the New York field office, I think it would be best to give her a few months to settle in."

Hotch nodded, an immense feeling of helplessness coming over him. "You're right JJ," he said, "she has started a new life, I shouldn't invade on that."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Please leave a review, I have experienced a rather drastic drop in reviews the last few chapters and am now wondering if you are still enjoying yourselves.**

**It's time to nominate your favorite stories in the CM Fanfic Awards on LJ. Here's the link. http:/ community. livejournal. com/cmfanficawards (remove the spaces).**

**If you want to nominate a story make sure to read the rules carefully first because a lot of little things can get your nomination(s) disqualified.**

**x Sussi**


	27. September 2010

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading and thank you for leaving reviews, I really do appreciate it all very much. Sorry for not updating this yesterday, I just thought it needed a bit more work. I am also aiming for two updates/week from now on. Also, chapter funfact: I basically listened to "I Will Always Love You" (original version) on repeat the whole time as I wrote this.**

**Enjoy!

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**

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-seven – September 2010**

**September 2010 **

**Hotch**

Hotch watched JJ leave, relieved that she hadn't found any reason to stay or had tried asking him why he was grasping at such straws such as suggesting that Emily come back to consult on some case that didn't even exist yet. Maybe she had noticed his rapid breathing and his shaking hands and had wanted to give him his privacy. He had seen in her eyes that she was wondering what was going on, that she wasn't quite sure what his intentions were. He just hoped that she hadn't been able to see that he was battling the tears that wanted to escape and slip down his cheeks to betray him.

With a deep sigh, he slipped his hand inside his pocket and pulled out the plane ticket he had purchased a few days earlier, he had carried it in his pocket since. Looking at it he could almost feel how Emily was slowly slipping further and further away from him. Slowly tearing the ticket into tiny little pieces he felt his eyes burning a little bit more with each scrap of paper hitting his desk. As the last piece fell innocently down onto the blotter he could feel a single tear slowly following in its wake.

_That was it then, _he thought to himself. Emily Prentiss was no longer a part of his life. It was time for him to realize that and move on with his life. She had a new life, one that didn't include him and the sooner he came to terms with that the easier his life would become. He chuckled dryly. He had a feeling his life wouldn't be easy again for a long time. Not that it ever had been. For a few weeks during the summer though, he had fooled himself into thinking that maybe it had taken a turn for the better. But no, he had been wrong. He had one bright thing in his life and that was his son.

If not for anything else then he would have to get over this and get his life together again for Jack's sake. Jack needed a father who could be there for him with his entire being. Not one that was scattered, one that blew up at people, one who had more than half his mind in another city with someone else. His son deserved so much more than that.

"Hey, Aaron?" Rossi's voice and the sound of knuckles rapping against his door made him quickly rub a hand across his face to rid himself of any remainder of the tears slowly falling down his cheeks. "Are you okay?" Rossi asked as he stuck his head in.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Hotch said, swiping his hand across his forehead, "just a bit tired." He offered Rossi a crooked smile. "What did you want, Dave?"

"Oh, just to tell you that everyone's in the conference room waiting," Rossi said as he took another step inside. "What's that?" He nodded at the little pile of paper scraps on Hotch's desk.

"Nothing," Hotch said, brushing the little scraps of torn ticket off of his desk and into the metal trashcan. "Tell the others that I'll be there in a minute, please."

"Sure," Rossi said, raising an eyebrow and giving Hotch a wondering look as he left him alone in his office.

* * *

**Emily **

"Prentiss," Emily answered after a few shrill rings.

"Hey, Emily, it's me."

"JJ. Hi," Emily said, "what's up?" She was happy to hear her friend's voice, but still surprised that JJ was calling. They had talked for more than an hour just a few days earlier and Emily knew that JJ usually was swamped with work, whether the team was away on a case or back at Quantico, and wouldn't call in the middle of the week unless it was really important. She couldn't help but get a bit worried.

"Well, there's something that I thought I should tell you," JJ started, clearly still searching her brain for the right words and making Emily start to worry even more. "What Jayje?" she said, sitting down on a chair as a wave of dizziness hit her, "has something happened? Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone is fine," JJ said quickly, knowing that the last thing Emily needed was to get upset, "I just had a… well a strange conversation with Hotch earlier today and I thought that I should let you know since it was about you."

"What did he say?" Emily didn't want to sound hopeful, but she knew that she couldn't hide the little tint of hopefulness lingering in her voice. Hope that he had asked about her, that he was missing her. She knew it was selfish of her to even begin to hope that Hotch was missing her. She had left him. But she hadn't left him, the BAU, because she didn't love him she had left because she loved him too much.

"He asked if I thought that you might consider coming back to consult on a case," JJ explained. "What?" Emily's heart sank, the little bit of hope that still dwelled there slowly slipping away. "Was that all he wanted?"

"He didn't say anything else, but I'm sure that there was more to it than just that," JJ said and Emily could feel some of that ambiguous hope returning. "He never mentioned what case he wanted you to consult on and he just seemed off somehow, I think he was just searching for some excuse to go to New York to see you."

"What did you say, JJ? You didn't tell him…?"

"No, Emily, of course not," JJ said, "you asked me not to say anything so I won't, I would never break that promise."

"Thank you, JJ," Emily said, letting go of a short strangled breath. "Then what did you tell him? Why did he decide not to go?"

"I said that I thought you would appreciate some more time to settle into your new life," JJ said and Emily could hear a slight change in the tone of her voice. "Emily you almost sound disappointed that he decided to not go," she said, "should I not have talked him out of it? I thought it was what you wanted."

"It is, Jayje. Thank you so much, I know keeping this secret from Hotch must be hard on you, he's your friend – "

"Not as hard as I imagine this is on you, Em," JJ said, pausing a second before continuing, "and honestly I think that deep down you do want to tell him everything and you want him to come to New York and demand that you come back home with him." JJ fell silent. Emily could feel her eyes beginning to burn, she usually cried at the drop of a hat these days and this was obviously pushing her over the edge. She sniffled, screwing her eyes shut to will the tears to go away. "That isn't an option JJ, it would only be screwing up his life and I haven't changed my mind about that, I just can't do it."

"Alright," JJ said, obviously not convinced but letting it go for Emily's sake, "Look I have to get Henry into bed, call me if you need anything, okay?" JJ's voice was soft and sweet, her concern for Emily was evident and it just made Emily want to cry even more. "I will. Thank you, JJ. Give Henry a kiss from me. Goodnight."

She hung up and slowly put the phone down on the table. Against her will her eyes began to well up and as the first tear trickled down her cheek she gingerly picked the phone back up. Staring at the digits she struggled as her mind spun rapidly. JJ was right, she knew that JJ was right. She wanted him to come and bring her back with him. The tears began to fall more quickly, soaking her cheeks. She didn't want to do this all alone, she didn't want to carry Hotch's child and not be able to tell him.

She pressed the first few digits of the number she knew by heart as she had used it so many times. She could tell him everything, she would tell him she loved him and that she was pregnant and he would be by her side within hours she was sure. For a few seconds she let her mind play with that fantasy. She saw herself and Hotch at the doctors for the very first ultrasound of their child, she saw them with a little baby with pitch black hair together with Jack standing in front of a house – their home – and she saw them together with the team, their family, smiling and happy.

Sighing and closing her eyes, she put the phone back on the table. That was just a fantasy, not the reality. The reality was that she and Hotch were not meant to be, he needed his own life and not her and her problems and that she was going to have to do this herself.

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**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Hope that you all enjoyed it.**

**x Sussi**


	28. Friends

**A/N: Thank you all for reading and thanks so much for the reviews, I really do enjoy finding out what you guys think. Since I am now aiming for two updates a week, I am going to give up on fixed update days, hope that is okay with you all. **

**Also, if you want another story, filled with delicious angst, to read I highly recommend "All This Time" by hotchityhotchhocth.**

**On to the story! Please enjoy!

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**

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-eight – Friends**

**October 2015**

"Mommy! Daddy! Hurry up!" Grace called after her parents as she trod along the paved walkway, skipping around her brother's feet and chatting happily at him. "Come on!" She stopped and turned around, "I wanna see the monkeys!" she said, bounding over to her parents, to tug at their hands to make them walk faster. "Grace," Emily said, "calm down, the monkeys aren't going anywhere."

It was obvious however that despite her mother's promises, Grace wasn't convinced. "But what if it's their nap time when we get there, what if they're sleeping?" she asked, a thin line of worry creasing her pale forehead as she scrunched her brow together. Hotch smiled briefly, but quickly schooled his features into a slight frown, "Grace, listen to your mom," he said, "you don't have to worry, the monkeys will be there, awake and waiting to entertain little girls, when we get there." She grinned at him as he stroked her hair, before she returned to skip around Jack. "Grace!" Hotch called after her, "don't bother your brother too much now, okay?"

"It's fine," Jack said, turning around to look at his dad, "I don't mind." Hotch smiled at Grace who gave him a triumphant look as Jack took her by the hand and tugged her along, pointing at something in the distance as they continued down the path.

"You know," Emily said to Hotch as they walked along, following Jack and Grace, "I don't think I've even got one single annoyed stare from Jack this whole afternoon," she said and smiled at the kids. "I think you're right," Hotch smiled back, "I think he's beginning to get used to the idea of having you and Gracie around and he's seeing that it won't mean that I will spend any less time with him," the corner of his mouth quirked further and a dimple appeared, "also, I think he enjoys having a little sister," he said. Emily laughed. "Yes and Grace is completely taken with him, just look at the way she looks at him." Hotch chuckled. "Yeah, complete adoration."

They continued to walk a few paces behind Jack and Grace. The silence lingering around them wasn't awkward like it would have been just a few weeks earlier, but it wasn't a comfortable silence either. They were still learning how to be 'just friends' after everything that had happened between them and Emily was sure that there would be more bumps in the road to come. She glanced at Hotch, giving him a slight smile, as he sped up a bit to walk next to Grace.

Her heart swelled as she watched Hotch taking Grace's little hand into his and slowing down to match her pace. He bent down and whispered something into Grace's ear, making her giggle and bounce excitedly. When she saw the sweet exchange she knew that she and Hotch had done the right thing, the best thing for Grace was that her parents were friends.

"Mommy!" Grace called, snapping Emily from her inner musings, "come walk with me and Daddy." Emily quickened her pace to close the small distance between herself and Hotch and their daughter. As she came up next to them Grace grabbed her hand, holding on tightly. "I wanna swing!" she declared loudly. Emily laughed, smiling at Hotch who was looking down at Grace with twinkling eyes. "Alright, sweetie, hold on tight."

Grace screamed and laughed as she swung between her parents. Again Emily knew that they had done the right thing, not only for Grace, but for the two of them as well. She had forgotten what it was like to see Hotch so happy. It had definitely been a while since she had seen that spark in his eyes, she wasn't even sure if she could remember the last time she had seen him smiling this much.

**May 2010**

"Aren't you glad you decided to come out with us tonight?" Emily asked Hotch, as she slid into the seat next to him and put the draught beer, she knew was his favorite, in front of him. "Thanks," he smiled, tipping the glass at her, "I'll get the next round." He took a long swig of the beer, raising an eyebrow at Emily as she watched him expectantly, instead of taking a sip of her Cosmo. "What?" he laughed a bit awkwardly, two dimples creasing his slightly stubbly cheeks.

"Well?" Emily prompted, "aren't you glad that you came out with us instead of staying back at the BAU all night by yourself doing paperwork… on a Friday?" She arched an inquisitive brow as she sipped her drink.

"Yeah, well," Hotch chuckled, "that paperwork still has to get done, but I guess it won't kill me to wait until Monday to do it." He took another swig of his beer, fighting back the smile as Emily wagged a finger at him. "Oh, please," she said, "I saw you shoving all those folders into your briefcase, you are so going to do that paperwork first thing in the morning." She laughed breathily at Hotch's slightly caught out expression. "Oh, you know I'm the same way," she said, "there's a bunch of files in my bag too."

They sat, silently sipping their drinks, both watching as Morgan tried talking Reid into being his wingman. As Reid began droning on about the word's origin, and Morgan's evident frustration grew, Emily couldn't suppress the giggle erupting, but she stopped abruptly at the rather loud chuckle coming from the man next to her. She leaned in a bit closer, "Are you drunk?" she asked, slightly bewildered.

"No, Prentiss," Hotch smiled at her, "not drunk, just having a good time. Believe it or not." She smiled back, "I'm happy that you came with us and that you are enjoying yourself, Hotch," she said, lowering her voice so that only he could hear her, "it's so amazing to see you smile, it's been a while." Hotch nodded slowly, emptying his glass in one last swig, "It has," he admitted, "I'm just glad that I have friends who have stuck with me, it's nice to know that I'm not alone."

"You're not," Emily smiled, she wanted to give him a hug, but she knew that it wouldn't be appropriate so she just gave him a warm smile, hoping that he understood its meaning.

**October 2015 (present day)**

"Monkeys!" Grace's loud and excited voice cut through Emily's reverie making her head snap up. She looked at the building in front of them, they were indeed just outside the monkey house and Grace was squirming in her hand to get free. "Hang on, Gracie," she said, "you have to hold either Daddy's or my hand, okay?"

Grace thought about it a second before she let go of Emily. "Okay. Daddy," she said, wrapping her arm around Hotch's leg. Emily raised a brow at Hotch, giving him a smile. He chuckled, as Grace clung to him. "Sorry," he smiled, "guess you're not the favorite anymore," he said over his shoulder as he was tugged away by Grace.

Again, as Emily was watching Hotch with Grace, she let her mind briefly wander back to the time when she had last seen him smiling as much and as happily as he currently was. The thought that it hadn't been during the few good weeks that they had shared together made a small knot of disappointment form in her belly. Even though they were proving to be good together as friends she still had to fight away the fear, that they would never be good together as something more than that, sometimes.

She shook her head, she wasn't going to let such thoughts ruin their day. It had been close to perfection so far. Grace was happy to get to spend time with her dad and her brother. Hotch was obviously very happy to get to spend time with both his children and she should be happy that she got to spend time with all of them. She shouldn't be thinking about things in the past she had no ability to change not.

As Grace turned, still clinging to her father's hand, and called for her she decided that at least for today she would leave the past in the past.

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**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed this slightly happier chapter. **

**x Sussi**


	29. Mending Fences

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading! I hope that you will enjoy.**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter twenty-nine – Mending Fences**

Hotch looked up from the crime scene photos he had been perusing as he was waiting for the rest of his team to show up when he heard Emily's familiar voice floating through the jet. His gaze followed her as she slowly made her way down the narrow aisle, stopping briefly to exchange a few words with Reid, giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder, before she continued on to take a seat next to JJ.

He turned his gaze back to the photos, meeting Rossi's questioning eyes as he did so, but kept his own eyes downturned. He knew that everyone on the team must be wondering what was going on between him and Emily. But they had decided together a few weeks ago, just after they had come to the agreement that friends were all that they could be at the moment, that they would continue to be vague about their relationship until they knew for sure that they really could be just friends. Therefore Rossi's raised eyebrow and curious eyes weren't anything new, he had got them at least once a day during the last three weeks and he had avoided them every single time.

He was very well aware of the fact that if anyone could weasel anything out of him it would be Rossi and he didn't want to open up to anyone just yet. He wasn't even sure if he was ready to be completely honest with himself yet. But if he looked deep down enough, under all of his insecurities, he knew that the last few weeks had been the first time since Emily had come back to the BAU that he had felt like they had a chance at becoming a real family. The time they had spent together had, after he and Emily had got most of over their initial awkwardness, been…wonderful.

He just didn't want to mess that up. He didn't want to do or say anything that might scare Emily off and make her run again. He hated himself for feeling like that but as much as he knew that he loved her, he also knew that didn't completely trust her not to run again and this time he knew exactly what he stood to lose.

He heard Rossi quietly clear his throat and the fact that they were on the jet and that everyone was waiting for him to start speaking became pulled him from his thoughts. "Alright, you guys," he said, feeling all eyes shift onto him as he paused briefly before continuing, "we need to hit the ground running on this one, no bodies have been found, which means that we assume that we have two live victims whose time might be running out."

He glanced from face to face, the intrinsic need to protect Emily slowly creeping to the forefront, trying to overwhelm his rational mind. He knew that he needed to be at the precinct for this one and he knew that Emily was needed out in the field. But he couldn't close his eyes to the fact that the two missing women both were about Emily's age and built. He knew he wasn't being rational and sucked in a deep breath as he silently trampled down the brewing irrationality.

"Dave," he said, "take Reid to the latest abduction site, Reid I need you to look at the message that our UnSub left and see what you can make of it." He was met by short nods and as both Reid and Rossi began studying the photos of the latest crime scene he turned to Emily and Morgan. He hadn't really paired them together much the last three months. The tension between them was well known and he didn't want to cause Emily, or Morgan, any discomfort. He knew that it was horrible of him as a unit chief to allow two of his field agents to hold a lingering grudge, but he didn't want to push Emily into anything and his own relationship with Morgan had been a bit scuffed after his and Emily's falling out.

"Prentiss, Morgan," he said, getting confused looks from both Emily and Morgan, "I need you to go to the first crime scene, I would go but I'm needed at the station, apparently some of the officers are not too thrilled with us being here and I need to straighten a few things out," he said, giving Emily a slightly apologetic smile. He had been avoiding this for too long, maybe if Emily and Morgan spent some time together they would be able to mend some fences. At least he hoped that they would be.

* * *

"So," Morgan said, the words slipping awkwardly from his lips, "I guess it's you and me today, Prentiss." He slipped his dark sunglasses on, the early morning sun glaring in their eyes, as he made his way to the driver's seat of the dark SUV they had been issued. "I guess so," Emily said, trying for a small smile as she mimicked Morgan's movements, putting on her designer shade, before she slipped into the passenger's seat.

Silence filled the dark SUV as they fastened their seatbelts and pulled out of the airport car park. Thye drove down the almost empty streets, still void of most of the morning traffic, both avoiding looking at the other. After sitting silent most of the ride, the think tension was beginning to stifle Emily. She glanced over at Morgan, he had his eyes still locked firmly on the road ahead.

Feeling increasingly frustrated, Emily pulled in a deep breath. "Come on, Derek," she said, turning so that she could look at him properly, "this is getting old. Are we really going to be like this for the rest of our lives?" she asked. "Not talking, just existing on the same team?"

"What?" he said, raising an eyebrow as he kept his eyes on the road. "What are you talking about?"

"Please, Derek," Emily huffed, "you know what I mean, we have hardly spoken to each other, other than when discussing a case, for the last three months. I don't know about you, but I just can't live like this anymore," she sighed, reaching out to tentatively place her hand on his forearm. "I don't want us to argue and, honestly, I miss my friend."

Morgan sat silent a few moments, and Emily removed her hand, her eyes leaving his set face and falling to her hands in her lap. "You're right," he said, pulling her gaze back to him, "you're right. I haven't been a very good friend to you these last few months and I am sorry."

"No," Emily said, "Derek, I wasn't fishing for an apology, I am just as much to blame, if not more. I really shouldn't have waited three months to have this talk with you – "

"Emily, no," Morgan said, cutting off her slight ramblings, "I could have come to you, I should have come to you," he said sincerely. Drawing a deep breath, his let his forehead crinkle into a frown, "I saw that you and Hotch were… well, struggling… and that you were having troubles." He sighed again, rubbing a hand over his head. "But I just told myself that it wasn't my problem and that I should just stay out of it. That you had brought it all on yourself."

"I had," Emily said, shaking her head, "anything I got, I had coming. I lied, I kept Hotch away from Grace and I kept Grace away from her father. I didn't act like a very good person."

"Em, stop it," Morgan told her, giving her a quick look, as her voice faltered. "I really don't have time for any pity parties right now," he said, a slightly sharper edge to his voice, "you obviously did what you did for a reason. I think that's what I didn't get when you first told us about Grace. All I saw was a little girl who had been kept away from her dad and you know that brings up painful memories for me, but that's no excuse for me to behave the way I did. I really have no idea why you did what you did, so instead of blowing up at you I should have just talked to you."

"How about we do that now?" Emily said, giving him a smile. "I will try to explain. What do you want to know?"

"Why did you leave?" Morgan said, pausing for a moment, trying to think. "Why did you not come back when you found out you were pregnant?"

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**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a review if you have the time.**

**Excellent news! In, hopefully, just a few days the first chapter of hotchityhotchhotch's and my collab H/P story "Calleth You, Cometh I" will be up. I can promise you that it at least will have an interesting premise and you should all check it out! We will be posting under the joint penname TTTGF.**

**x Sussi**


	30. Waiting in Vain

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Sorry this took a bit longer to get done… the whole Paget thing is kinda bringing me down…**

**If the events in this flashback seems a bit familiar… well they are… they are linked to a flashback way back in chapter one.**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirty – Waiting In Vain**

**August 2010**

"I told you, I'm fine," Emily exclaimed, twisting and turning, trying to get a clear view of the EMT that had been checking her over the last twenty minutes. Her head was throbbing and her ankle wasn't much better. But what had been annoying her the absolute most was Hotch. He had been hovering around them the whole time she had been sitting there getting poked and prodded. He hadn't said a word though, just glared at her every now and then, making her feel more and more uncomfortable.

She could almost feel the anger radiating from him as he paced the width of the corridor. Every few steps he would stop and run a hand through his short hair, or rub his palm over his creased forehead. She kept her eyes on him, watching him with care. As he stopped pacing and turned to look at her again she faced away, focusing on the EMT instead. "Am I free to go yet?" she asked the middle-aged woman, pulling down her pant leg to cover her bruised ankle.

"Agent," the woman said, "I highly recommend that you'll let us take you to the hospital, your ankle is probably just sprained, but you should really let us take a closer look."

"Could you please just bandage it up? I promise that I will get it checked out when we get back to DC if it hasn't got any better," Emily said, giving the other woman a smile. "I will ice it and I'll stay off my feet as much as I can for the rest of the day."

"Fine," the EMT sighed, obviously annoyed with Emily but keeping her calm, "I just want to stress again that you are going against our recommendation, you really should let us take a closer look at that ankle."

"I'll be fine," Emily said, "thank you, though, I'll be careful." She pushed herself off of the step she had been sitting on with a little puff of air leaving her lungs. Taking slow, careful steps, her ankle hurting with each one, she made her way down the corridor towards where Hotch was standing. She could feel his eyes burning her as she walked past him.

"Prentiss!"

His loud voice drew attention to them immediately. Reid and Rossi, who had both been standing a few feet away, cocked their heads to the side to see what was going on.

The fire in his voice caught her off guard and she stopped but didn't say anything. She had seen, felt even, that he was angry. But she had never thought that she would hear him utter her name like that. Slowly she turned around so that she could meet Hotch's eyes. They were smoldering, yet glassy at the same time. She didn't know if the tear she saw lingering in the corner of one eye was real or a figment of her imagination.

"Prentiss," he said again, taking a few steps closer, "what the hell was that about?"

"What?" She was truly confused as to why he seemed to be so angry with her.

"Going after the UnSub by yourself. Not waiting for backup to arrive. What were you thinking?" His brow fell into a deep frown as he trained his eyes on her and only her, ignoring the curious glances from the rest of the team.

"I was thinking that I am a trained field agent with over ten years in the bureau and that this scum who butchered five women was getting away," Emily snapped, "that's what I was thinking."

"You have to know that what you did was incredibly stupid?" Hotch hissed. "He was twice your size, it was pure luck that he fell down the stairs when he did – "

"Yeah, he broke my fall," Emily cut in, her voice void of any humor.

"He could have just as easily not lost his balance," Hotch said, taking another few steps closer until he was almost hovering above Emily, pinning her to the wall, "and you've seen what he did to his victims. That could have been you and we would have been too far away to do anything!" He stopped, taking heavy breaths as his eyes pierced holes through her.

Emily didn't respond. She slipped from his loose grip as he was catching his breath and just walked away under the other's surprised stares. When she didn't hear anything behind her, when Hotch's voice didn't pull her back, her heart sank a little bit deeper.

* * *

Emily wrapped her arms tighter around her knees as she sat curled together under a throw in one corner of her sofa. In the background some mindless comedy, that she wasn't paying any attention to at all, was playing on the TV. Despite the cocktail of Tylenol and cinnamon flavored tea she had ingested a few hours earlier her ankle was still throbbing dully. It was also a rather ugly purple color and she knew that she would have to go see someone about it the next day. She would probably be pulled from field duty for a couple of weeks. Oddly she found that she wasn't too bothered by that. All that was occupying her mind was that Hotch hadn't called her yet.

He had called her out in front of everyone. He had yelled at her. He had openly questioned her judgment. He hadn't said a thing to her after that. The whole flight back he had been sitting by himself in the back of the jet, pretending to be asleep. She knew that he wasn't though. He could hardly ever sleep on the jet and he definitely wouldn't be able to sleep after a day like the one they'd had.

As she considered throwing back another couple of Tylenols her cell phone began buzzing on the kitchen counter. Completely ignoring the pain that seared through her foot as she hobbled as fast as she could the short distance, she grabbed the phone on the third ring. Staring at the bright display, she could almost feel the tears flooding her tear ducts at the name appearing in bold black letters.

"JJ," she said, trying in vain to hide the wobble in her voice.

"Emily," JJ said, apparently assuming that the wobble came from her head and ankle hurting and not her heart, "are you alright? How's your foot? Is it still really bad?"

"It's not worse at least," Emily said, settling for an answer somewhere between the truth and a lie. It wasn't a lot worse, just a little bit, but JJ didn't need to worry about that. "I'm pumped full of ibuprofen at the moment so it doesn't actually feel that bad."

"Oh," JJ said, "well, that's good then, I hope it won't keep you up tonight, you're going to need all the sleep you can get."

"I'll be fine, Jayje," Emily said, glad that JJ couldn't see her or she would have seen the sad smile playing over her lips, "but thank you though, for caring."

"Of course, Emily," JJ said, "anytime… you know that. You know that you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know," Emily said, feeling her insides churn as those two words escaped her. How could she act like everything was fine, when her best friend was telling her that she could confide in her? Why couldn't she just tell her everything? Tell her that she and Hotch were… well, that they were something?

She couldn't do that because she knew what they were doing wasn't right. She knew that she really had no business doing anything other with Hotch than work together. He was off limits to her and she had broken rules. So she kept her mouth shut and she let JJ believe that everything was fine. When in fact nothing was fine at all.

**October 2015 (present day)**

"I remember that day," Morgan said, easing the car into park. He wanted to be able to look at Emily during the rest of this conversation. "Hotch was furious when he found out that you had gone after the UnSub and split up from Reid. We were all really confused that day, but I guess it all makes sense now," he said slowly, "Is that why you left?"

"It's not the only reason," Emily sighed, she wasn't sure if even she knew all of the reasons behind her actions, "but I guess it was one of the straws that broke the camel's back. It was several little things that just kept on adding up to the one truth that I just couldn't deny. That day just made it painfully obvious."

"That?"

"That Hotch didn't love me," Emily said, now fighting back tears, "I just knew that I couldn't stay, stay working at the BAU and stay sleeping with Hotch, when I knew that he'd never open up enough to let me all the way in."

"Oh, Emily," Morgan said, running a hand over his head, "everything is falling into place now. So much more of what happened all those years ago make sense now. I mean yeah, we assumed that it had something to do with you leaving but we just thought that he was upset because he had lost a great agent – "

"Morgan, what are you talking about?"

"Hotch," Morgan said, "the way he acted when you left, months after you left. He wasn't being a cranky bastard to everyone because he had lost a good agent. He was being a bastard because he had lost someone he was in love with."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. I don't trust my muse at the moment, hopefully there will be an update before Sunday… but it might take longer.**

**x Sussi**


	31. Six months

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Sorry that this is taking a little longer to write… still not completely myself… I hope that you will still enjoy.**

**Thanks so much to hotchityhotchhotch for the PD and just for being awesome.

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**

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirty-one – Six months**

Emily looked out the side window at the few people making their way along the sidewalk, slowly taking in Morgan's words. It wasn't really news to her that Hotch had been upset after she left. JJ had told her so several times. Most of the times it had been JJ who had brought it up, in what Emily was sure were attempts to convince her to come back. But a few times it had been her that had asked JJ about him. It was hard for her not seeing him every day and no matter what had happened between them she had never wanted him to be anything but happy.

But no matter what JJ told her, she never really allowed herself to believe any of it. She would always brush it off, make up excuses for him to act the way he did, and after a while JJ had stopped talking about him. And she had stopped asking. The last time she had asked about him had been a few days before Grace was born. After Grace had come into her life it had just hurt too much to think about him. So she had just stopped doing it for a while. She had tried at least, but he had never truly let go of the grip he had on her heart.

Now that she knew that Hotch was at least considering something more than friendship with her, she was beginning to let herself fall again. But she was doing it with a lot of trepidation.

"You're not the first one to tell me that, Derek," she said, "JJ did try to convince me of it a few times, but I was too stubborn to listen…" She trailed off, falling silent a few seconds "Or maybe I was just too scared to listen," she said, "I don't know."

"Look, Em," Morgan said, twisting so that he could look into her eyes, "I don't know what JJ has or hasn't told you and I'm sure that she and I see differently on some things. But if you'd like I could tell you about something that happened about six months after you left. Then you can decide for yourself."

Emily nodded. Maybe hearing it all from another perspective would do her good. And she knew that no one would give her a more straight forward or truthful account of an event than Morgan. Still though, the thought of listening again to how much she had hurt Hotch made her stomach churn.

"You know, you don't have to listen to a word I say," Morgan said, sensing Emily's slight hesitation, "I understand that hearing about that time must be tough on you, but if you want my opinion I think that Hotch deserves that you think long and hard about this."

"I will," Emily said sincerely. Morgan was right, she owed it to Hotch to really think about this before doing anything else.

**March 2011**

Morgan leaned in closer to Reid, lowering his voice so that no one but the genius would hear his question. "Do you know what's going on?"

"Whit what?" Reid leaned back in his chair, raising his brows in question at Morgan.

"Hotch," Morgan hissed quietly, staring pointedly at their unit chief standing a few yards away talking in a hushed yet clearly agitated tone to the local detective. "He's been buzzing around like a ticked off bee the last few days, breathing down our necks. Something is up."

"Oh, right," Reid said, "he has been a bit more intense the last few days."

"_A bit more intense_?" Morgan said, shaking his head, "He's been a fucking nightmare."

Reid nodded carefully, glancing over at Hotch again as the other man's voice grew louder, making it impossible to ignore the heated conversation the two men were was having.

"I don't really care what you say, Detective," Hotch snarled, leaning over the probably a foot shorter detective. "If your men can't handle the circumstances of this case I would recommend that you pull them from it."

"Agent Hotchner," the detective said quietly, "I'm sure that Officer Langly meant no harm, it was an innocent joke – a coping mechanism…" He eyed Hotch with trepidation, clearly worried that the frightening agent would blow up on him again.

"Well, it wasn't very funny, was it?" Hotch said, taking a step back, "I need complete professionalism from everyone involved. Is that understood?"

"Understood, Agent Hotchner," the detective said, slowly gliding to the side, trying to increase the distance between himself and Hotch.

"Hotch?" Morgan said, raising his voice to get Hotch's attention. He didn't care that Hotch was in one of his famously bad moods, he wanted to know what was going on.

"What?" Hotch snapped, glaring at both Morgan and Reid, allowing the detective to make a run for it. While Reid quickly turned away, busying himself with the coroner's reports and crime scene photos on the table in front of him, Morgan got up from his seat and took a few steps towards Hotch.

"What's going on man?" Morgan asked, "I know that this is a frustrating case but you're going over the line here. That detective was almost sobbing. One of his men made one little harmless joke. Cut them some slack, man."

"Morgan," Hotch said, "that is not your business. Did I not assign you and Reid," he nodded at Reid whose head instantly snapped up, "to do interviews with the victims' families?" Morgan nodded. "Well, then I suggest that you prepare for that, they will be here in less than an hour, and let me deal with the rest." He didn't wait for an answer. Instead he turned on his heel so rapidly that his tie swung over his shoulder as he pushed through the door.

"Man, what crawled up his ass and died?" Morgan huffed as he took the seat next to Reid. "Alright," he said, pulling a file from the stack, "I guess we'd better get started on these then, in case the drill sergeant decides to make another appearance." Leaning back he only had the time to crack one file open before the door flew up again making them both jump in their seats.

"Rossi!" Morgan exclaimed, "Are you trying to give us heart attacks?"

"What?"

"We thought you were Hotch coming back to finish us off."

"Again I am going to go with – what?"

"Hotch!" Morgan said. "Don't say you haven't noticed how he's been taking off heads left and right all week. We almost lost ours just a few minutes ago. It was scary, man."

Rossi nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching, "He's been in a bit of a mood the last few day, hasn't he?" he said, taking the seat next to Morgan. "But give the poor guy a break, he's under a lot of pressure at the moment." He leaned against the table, looking from Morgan to Reid. "He had a meeting with Strauss just before we left for this case, and I guess it has been grating on him. I hear she wasn't too pleased with a few of his decisions."

"Like what?" Reid asked, the first thing out of his mouth since Hotch had turned the death glare onto him.

"Well, from what I hear, and what I hear is usually the truth, she wanted him to replace Emily," Rossi said, folding his hands in front of him. "It's been six months since she left and Strauss wanted him to choose a new agent."

"What did he say?" Morgan asked.

"Apparently he got uhm… agitated and refused. He told her that she was trying to rush a decision and that he would not have a new agent on his team that he did not approve of one hundred percent."

"I bet she did not like that." Morgan huffed.

"No, she did not," Rossi said, "and apparently she took out her frustration on our budget, no new agent means a lot less funding, so I'd kiss my coffee maker goodbye if I were you."

Morgan frowned, ignoring Rossi's quip. It wasn't that he really wanted someone new to join their tight-knitted group. Honestly he hadn't thought much about it. But hearing out loud that it had been six months since Emily had left made it so much more real. Why hadn't Hotch even begun to look at new agents? He knew it would be tough for Hotch to find someone as perfect as Emily. But if Strauss was on his case (once again) and slashing into their budget, creating even more problems for Hotch, why not just go ahead and do it? Why was he waiting? Who was he waiting for?

**October 2015 (present day)**

"Oh," Emily said.

"Yeah," Morgan answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I knew that he never replaced me," Emily said, mostly to herself, "and I knew that he was upset after I left, but I didn't know he went against Strauss…again. He could have been fired."

"He could have," Morgan said, making Emily aware that she wasn't alone again, "but he wasn't and all these years he has been insisting on keeping a spot on the team open. He's never even tried to fill it, even with Strauss breathing down his neck. She finally went behind his back when she recruited you again. None of us had any idea that you were the new agent she had decided to hire. We just knew that she finally went above Hotch's head and hired someone."

"Again," Emily chuckled darkly, "how very ironic."

"Think long and hard, Em" Morgan said, pushing down the gas pedal and maneuvering the car back into the street, "those were definitely not the actions of a man completely void of any warmer feelings. Think long and hard."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please do leave a review, it would really cheer me up.**

**Also make sure to check out hotchityhotchhotch and my collab fic "Calleth You, Cometh I" written under the joint penname TTTGF. The first chapter is up, chapter two is coming soon!**


	32. Phone call

**A/N: Thanks for reading and for the reviews! Please enjoy.

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**

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirty-two – Phone call**

Emily sat by herself on the slightly too soft bed in the room she shared with JJ. Knowing that Hotch was about to show up, JJ had graciously left to give them some privacy. Emily and Hotch had, in another attempt to strengthen their friendship and their joint relationship with Grace, decided that when away on cases they would together talk to Grace on the phone every day.

They were still smack in the middle of the unusually difficult case. Reid, Rossi and Morgan were all still at the police station hard at work. Emily together with Hotch and JJ were supposed to grab a quick dinner before joining them again. But they had promised Grace that they would tell her goodnight and neither wanted to break that promise no matter how scarce time was at the moment.

Not once in the last months had Hotch been late to a phone call with Grace. Never when they were still talking to her separately and not now when they shared the daily phone call. Unless they were physically unable to get to the phone, as in literally chasing after UnSubs, he had never missed an opportunity to have a little conversation with Grace. Every time Emily saw his face light up and his dimples appear, as he spoke to Grace, her heart grew a little warmer.

He was an excellent father. She had known that already after seeing how he was with Jack, but it was even more special when seeing him with their daughter. Hearing his voice grow softer as he spoke to her and how some of the tension in his tired body would let go. It was painfully obvious that he was meant to be a family man.

It was also beginning to become equally obvious to her how much she wanted him to be her man. How much she wanted them to be a little family. She had been milling over what Morgan had told her a few days earlier every day. And every day she had grown a little more sure that she and Hotch had always wanted the same thing and that it was time to finally do something about it.

As she heard the lock click and the door being opened she let go of her inner musings and schooled her features into a small smile, ignoring the thoughts crowding her mind. She looked up, greeting Hotch with a warm smile as he came around the corner.

"Hey, I'm not late, right?" he said, glancing down at his wrist watch, "the detective had a lot of questions about the profile and I didn't feel right leaving until everything was completely in the clear." He took a few steps closer, hovering near the edge of the bed, but didn't sit down.

"No, you're fine," Emily said, as she got off the bed, taking the same safe position as he had done. "I told Mrs. Becker that we would be calling around six pm, six thirty at the latest, so she's probably expecting our call now," she said as she pulled out her iPhone and pressed speed dial number one and turning on the speakers.

After only a few short rings a cheery voice answered. "This is Grace," she said, a proud lilt to her voice as she did just like her mom had taught her.

"Hi Gracie!" Emily smiled widely at the sound of her daughter's voice. She looked at Hotch. He was looking down at the phone in her hand and didn't notice her glancing at him. The tiny dimple creasing the rough skin of his cheek sent another small surge of warmth through her.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Grace squealed happily when she heard her parent's voices.

"Hi, sweetie pie! How are you?" Hotch said, his soft voice again making Emily's heart swell.

"I'm good. Ooh! You know what?" Grace chirped, diving directly into the hubbub of things she wanted to share with them. "It's rainy here and Mrs. Becker let me jump in a really big puddle! And I had my purple rubber boots on!"

"That sounds like fun, sweetie," Hotch said, the smile that made Emily's knees week still plastered onto his face.

"It was loads of fun," Grace said. Pausing a short moment she continued, the puddles and boots forgotten. "When're you coming back, Daddy?" she asked. "You know, you been gone really long now."

"I know, sweetheart," Hotch said, "but we have to stay a little longer."

"But, I want you to come home now," Grace said, the pout on her lips heard clearly in her little voice. "I miss you, Daddy."

Emily looked at Hotch again. The joyful look that had lit up his eyes when he had heard his daughter's voice had changed into an expression of bewilderedness and helplessness. Grace was usually a very easygoing child and Emily knew that that was what Hotch was used to. This caught him off guard. "Gracie, honey," she said as soothingly as she could, "Daddy and I will come back soon, but we have to work a little bit longer, okay? We have to catch the bad guy."

"Okay…I know," Grace said, still whining slightly.

"Oh, sweetie," Hotch said, "you will have lots of fun at school and with Mrs. Becker and the next few days will go by so fast that all of a sudden Mommy and I will be back and it will feel like no time at all has gone by."

"Daddy's right," Emily cut in, "we'll come home to you soon and then we will all do something fun together, you and me and Daddy and Jack. How does that sound?"

"Can we go get ice cream?" Grace asked, her spirits rising audibly.

"Of course, honey," Hotch said, "I promise that when Mommy and I get back we will all go out for ice cream."

"Okay, Daddy, I love you," Grace said, her mood switching like only that of a four-year-old could.

"Love you too, sweetheart," Hotch answered, breathing a small sigh of relief that Grace seemed happy again, "sleep tight."

Emily hung up her phone after a few more 'I love you:s', 'goodnight:s', 'sleep tight:s' and one more solemn promise from Hotch that the four of them would definitely spend some time together when he and Emily got back to DC. She gave Hotch a smile as she slipped it into her pocket. "Are you okay?" she asked, "Grace hasn't been this fuzzy in moths, but I guess we haven't had any case run for this long since I came back."

"_I'm _okay," Hotch said, frowning slightly, "I just want this case to be over so that we can go back home to Grace and Jack."

"I know. Me too," Emily said. "She will be okay though, trust me," she smiled. He looked so lost that she just wanted to envelope him in her arms, kiss his worries away. But she knew that wouldn't help them. So instead of moving closer she turned her eyes away and pushed that feeling down.

"I know she will," Hotch said, rubbing his forehead, "I just want to do everything right this time."

"Hotch," Emily said, "you _are_ doing everything right. We do have slightly unconventional work hours, but you take time every day from your very busy schedule to call Grace and talk to her, not all kids with busy parents have it that good. She was just being a bit fuzzy tonight."

Hotch nodded, taking a step closer. The way Emily was looking at him. He could swear that he saw concern mixed with what he could only assume was love behind her long lashes. He could kid himself that the feeling he felt coming over him was new. But he knew it wasn't. For a moment all he wanted to do was to wrap her in his arms and hold her tight.

His ringing phone brought them both back to reality. It took a few seconds of shrill rings before he had gathered himself fully and pulled the agent mask back on.

"Morgan?" he said, his tone short, "what's going on?"

Emily watched as Hotch's frown deepened as he listened to Morgan. His knuckles whitened as he clutched the phone harder, barking orders into it.

"We're still at the hotel. We're leaving now," he motioned for Emily to follow him as he swiftly moved towards the door. "We have to get JJ, we'll be there in twenty minutes."

"What's happened?" Emily asked as Hotch pushed through the door out into the brightly lit corridor.

"We have another missing woman. She fits in with the other victims. The UnSub must have her," he said over his shoulder as he strode towards the stairs. "Good news is that we got a call to the tip line that might help us."

"Good," Emily said, as she hurried to keep up with his long strides.

Hotch glanced to his right. His mind worked quickly as he watched the woman he knew he loved with all of his heart half-running next to him. How could he purposefully lead her into a situation as dangerous as this one would be? She was the spitting image of one of the UnSub's victims. She was the mother of his child. No, he was supposed to protect her, not lead her into directly into danger. "Emily," he said.

"Yeah?"

"I think it's best for everyone if you stay behind at the police station this time."

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**A/N: Thanks a bunch for reading. Hope you enjoyed and I hope that you all love me for leaving it there ;)**

**Also, Chapter 2 of "Calleth You, Cometh I", my and hotchityhotchhotch's collab fic, has been posted. It's under the joint penname TTTGF. Check it out, why don't ya!**

**x Sussi **


	33. The Fight

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading and for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter! I adore you all. Please enjoy!

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**

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirty-three – The Fight**

"I'm sorry," Emily said, stopping abruptly, "what did you say?"

Hotch knew immediately that he hadn't just over-stepped. He had taken one giant leap across the line. But, he told himself, he did have a valid reason for wanting her to stay behind on this one. If they were right about this UnSub he would not go down without a fight. They had all seen the crime scene photos. They all knew every horrible detail about what this man was capable of doing to a woman. How could he send Emily to face off with someone like that?

"Emily," he said, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible, "We are just going to check out a possible address. Someone needs to stay at the police station and help the officers weed through the tips from the public." It wasn't a total lie. He did need someone to stay behind. But it still made him anything but proud of himself, because it just wasn't the reason he wanted _her_ to stay behind. Any of the others could just as easily stay behind.

"JJ is more than capable of doing that alone," Emily said, as if she was reading his mind. She shot him a look over her shoulder as she stabbed the elevator button.

Hotch glanced down at Emily's hand, assaulting the button, getting the distinct feeling that she would rather be poking at his kidneys. "She usually is," he said, "but I would really feel better with two agents at the station with this one. It is a complicated case and I need a profiler there to answer any questions the officers might have."

"Anyone of us can do that," Emily said, as she stepped into the elevator car, "you can leave Reid behind, or Rossi, or Morgan."

"But I am asking you to stay behind together with JJ this time," Hotch said following her.

"Fine," Emily said, though she obviously was anything but, "let's just go get JJ and get out of here." She pushed by him as the doors slid open. Spotting JJ sitting farther down the lobby, flipping through a magazine, she called for her, "JJ!" The blonde head snapped up. "We've been summoned," she told JJ as they came up next to her.

Walking through the wide entrance JJ glanced from Hotch, walking a few steps ahead of them completely quiet, to Emily also wearing her lips in a thin line across her face. "Em, what's going on," she asked, leaning closer to Emily.

"Oh, Hotch just decided to act like an ass just now, is all," Emily said, flinging the door to the passenger side of the SUV open.

* * *

They drove back to the station in uncomfortable silence. Every so often Hotch's eyes would briefly leave the road in front of him and wander to his right to catch a glimpse of Emily. Every time he was met by the back of her head as she sat staring out the window. He didn't even try to strike up some sort of conversation, neither with Emily nor with JJ. JJ had a few questions, most likely attempts at warding off the silence, that he had answered but that was it. Emily had been quiet the whole ride, not even speaking to JJ.

Walking into the conference room set up for them and seeing the photos of the butchered woman tacked to the cork board he felt his stomach turn. He knew that he wasn't being completely reasonable but he just couldn't bring himself to being okay with sending Emily anywhere near that man. Not when all he wanted to do was to protect her.

He wondered briefly why this feeling was, seemingly, all of a sudden coming over him - this animalistic need to protect her. Of course he knew _why_ he felt it. It was because he was in love with her. As simple as that. Really he had been in love with Emily for longer than probably even he knew himself. But before now it had been overshadowed. At first by his inability to let himself love again and later by the anger and faltering trust he felt towards her. But all of those other feelings were slowly yielding and the need to protect her only growing stronger.

He didn't have time to delve further into his inner musings. The short time it took for everyone to gather around the table didn't allow him anymore time to think about it. But the nagging feeling that he couldn't let Emily go near this UnSub stayed bored into the back of his mind.

"What have you got?" he asked, as the rest of the team together with the local detective gathered by the board.

"Someone who called the tip line think that it's his neighbor we're looking for. He says he's heard strange noises coming from his basement a few times but figured it was just a loud TV, then he saw JJ's press conference and put two and two together," Morgan said.

"What do you think?" Hotch asked.

"I think we should check it out," Morgan said, "Garcia says the owner is a forty five year old male, who apparently lives alone and conveniently drives a car large enough to store a body."

"Okay, then let's go," Hotch said, "Rossi and Reid, you're with me. Morgan you go with Detective Baker." He started towards the door, but was stopped by Emily grabbing his elbow.

"Hotch?" she said, looking at him questioningly, "What about me? Should I go with Morgan too or with you?"

"Prentiss, I thought we decided that you were going to stay at the station with JJ in case something happens," Hotch said, trying to keep his face as void of any emotions as possible.

"No we didn't" Emily said, not really bothering about keeping her voice down, "You thought that I should stay behind. I disagreed. Then we stopped discussing it."

"Nothing has changed in the last thirty minutes," Hotch said, his voice strained and quiet, "and this really isn't up for discussion, I still want you and JJ to stay here in case we get more information."

"But Hotch – "

"Emily," Hotch hissed, "Don't make me pull rank. I don't want to, but if I have to give you an order I will."

"Fine," Emily snapped, "I'll stay." As she watched Hotch follow the rest of the team through the door and disappear she sank into the couch with a sigh. "I can't believe that man," she said, "leaving me behind like that."

"Maybe," JJ said, taking a seat next to Emily and wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "he just really needed you to stay here to sift through all the tips that come in. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it."

"Of course he did, Jayje," Emily said, wringing her hands together, "this is what happened five years ago all over again. He still doesn't trust me."

"He loves you," JJ tried.

Emily braced herself on her thighs and pushed herself up from the couch. "I'm getting cup of coffee," she said, "want some?"

"No, but thanks," JJ said, deciding not to mention the abrupt change in subject as she watched Emily leave the room.

* * *

Emily stood by the coffee machine sipping her second cup as she heard a commotion behind her. Turning she saw two large police officers pushing a gangly, loudly swearing, man through the corridor closely followed by Rossi and Morgan. She turned and looked further down the corridor. Hotch, still in his Kevlar, was walking towards her with determined strides.

"Can we talk in private?" he said as he came up next to her. She nodded and he led them into the empty conference room. She took a seat in the couch, placing her almost empty cup on the table. "Emily," he said, deciding that taking a chair would be best, "please look at me." She met his eyes. "I know you didn't agree with my decision before," Hotch said, "you know I didn't want to pull rank on you but I am still your unit chief. I am the leader of this team and what I say goes. You can't question me like that in front of local detectives."

"I didn't question you, I just didn't agree," she said, "and I always follow orders, even when they are completely wrong."

"What is wrong with wanting two agents to stay at the station?"

"Nothing," Emily said, crossing her arms, "if you just could have given me a valid reason for making _me_ stay behind."

"I don't need any other reason than that I thought it best," Hotch said, feeling increasingly frustrated. Why couldn't she just see that all he wanted was for her to be safe?

"Then you could have chosen anyone of us, Hotch," Emily said, one lone stubborn tear slowly slipping down her cheek. She ignored it, hoping he would do the same. She couldn't help it. All of a sudden she was feeling herself overcome with fear that he would shut her out again like he had five years ago. "But you chose me," she sighed, "you still don't trust me completely, do you?"

"Of course I trust you," Hotch said.

"Please don't lie to me Aaron," Emily sighed.

"Fine!" Hotch said, getting off his chair and pacing the length of the small room. "You tell me why I wouldn't have some trust issues with you?" he said. "I still worry that you are going to change your mind about me and take Grace away, I do. But that doesn't change my feelings for you. That doesn't change that I want you to be safe."

"Nothing would have happened to me," Emily exclaimed, "you have to believe that I can take care of myself."

"Why do you always feel that you have to go at everything alone?"

Emily sniffled, getting up from the couch she drew a deep breath before walking over to the door. "And why do you always feel that you can't tell me everything?" she asked before walking out and leaving him by himself.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!**

**x Sussi**


	34. Rocky Road

**A/N: Thank you all for sticking with me and reading and reviewing. Sorry for the late update, I had a chapter for "Calleth You Cometh I", that had to be written (check it out!). I know that Hotch and Emily are being incredibly stubborn sometimes in this story, but I hope that you all have faith in happy endings… I personally love a happy ending ;)**

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter Thirty-four – Rocky Road**

As Emily felt her stomach twisting itself into a perfectly tied knot she became more and more sure by the second that her default response to standing outside of Hotch's door had become to feel uncomfortable. Not even Grace's happy chattering could take her mind of the last conversation she and Hotch'd had. They had exchanged a few questions and answers here and there after that but she didn't count those as conversations. When she thought about it the last conversation they'd had hadn't really been a conversation that either. More like accusations flung at each other.

After that fight, a few days earlier, they hadn't really sought out each other's company. Though they were still professionals and could handle themselves well when at the BAU it was pretty safe to say that their efforts to be friends had taken a bit of a blow. She wasn't mad at Hotch any longer. She hadn't been since they got back to DC. After milling it over and over in her mind, losing half a night's sleep, she had realized that it had been the alpha male in Hotch and his somewhat warped overprotectiveness that had taken over. She just wished that he had told her that he wanted her to stay behind because he worried about her rather than giving her some half-hearted excuse. She really would have stayed back if he had told her why he really wanted her to do so. It made her wonder if they would ever find that common ground where they were able to be completely honest with each other.

But, she thought as she swept a piece of Grace's soft dark hair behind her little ear, they were still completely determined in their decision to have a good joint relationship to Grace. So she and Grace were standing outside Hotch's apartment on a Saturday afternoon waiting for the Hotchner men to join them. They had both promised Grace that they would all four go out for ice cream. So ice cream it was. Ice cream and what was sure to be awkward conversation.

The knot in her stomach twisted itself tighter as she heard muffled footsteps on the other side of the door coming closer.

The door opened, revealing Hotch and Jack. "Hey," Hotch greeted her with a short, tight smile before bending down and scooping up Grace into his arms. "Hi, Little," he said, the corners of his mouth bending upwards as Grace snuggled against his chest. Turning his attention back to Emily his lips fell back into a thin line. "Uhm, thanks for offering to drive," he said, easing Grace back onto the floor, "I would have but my car has been acting up, maybe I should just get a new one, a bigger one." Hotch shook his head, there was only one woman in the whole world who could make him ramble on about such minor matters.

Emily nodded, returning his tight mile with one of her own. "No worries, I'm happy to do it," she said, leading Grace in front of her as they began to make their way towards the foyer. Looking over her shoulder she gave Jack a warm smile. "How're you today, Jack?" she asked.

Jack gave a slight shrug. "Okay," he said, as he walked past her and up to Grace, taking her outstretched hand in his.

Emily couldn't help but smile at the two siblings, Jack slipping into the role of protective older brother perfectly and Grace gazing at him with utter admiration. She looked up, meeting Hotch's eyes. He gave her another, warmer, albeit still slightly tensed, smile. She knew how much it must mean to him that his two children were getting along. Her relationship with Jack was still a bit strained. She wished so much that it wasn't, but she had begun to accept that she and Jack might never be close. Though really, she thought to herself, how could she when she wasn't even able to get along with his father?

She could feel Hotch's eyes still lingering on her face and she raised her gaze to lock with his. "They're cute together," he said quietly, pointing at Grace and Jack walking a few steps in front of them.

"Yeah," Emily said, "I'm glad they get along."

"Me too," Hotch said, pushing the door open and leading them out into the crisp air.

* * *

"So," Emily said, standing next to their booth, "Gracie do you want strawberry, sweetie?" Grace gave her a big smile and nodded her head vigorously. "Hotch?" He looked up, his eyes flashing across her face, "rocky road, right?" His brow rose in a mixture of surprise and confusion. "Oh, uhm," Emily stuttered, feeling heat flushing her cheeks, "maybe that's changed."

"Do you know Daddy's favorite ice cream Mommy?" Grace asked, bouncing in her seat and tugging at both adult's attention "Daddy says he likes the tiny marshmallows!"

Emily could feel her cheeks burning even hotter as she watched an embarrassed smile creeping across Hotch's lips. He looked at her, his eyebrows raised, and she knew he was thinking the same thing as she was.

**July 2010**

"Mmmm… that tickles," Emily giggled and squirmed under the chill and Hotch's deft tongue tracing random patterns across her chest and stomach, slowly circling in on her naval.

"You taste so good," Hotch mumbled, pressing his lips against her skin. Lifting his gaze to meet hers, he kept teasing her skin, his compliant tongue lapping the slowly melting chocolate ice cream off of her stomach.

Emily ran her fingers through Hotch's thick hair. A chill slithered through her, making her body respond to every flick of his tongue. "When you said – _ah _– we were having ice cream for dessert, I didn't think you meant like this." She shifted as his tongue swirled in the ice cream.

"I just thought that it'd be nice to – " he kissed her stomach, biting down on one of the tiny marshmallows, " – try a slightly more unconventional way." He planted a soft kiss just below her chest, nibbling on her skin.

Emily laughed, wrapped her arms around Hotch's shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. "I like the way you think, Agent."

**October 2015 (present day)**

Seeing Hotch's eyes widening and the slight blush adorning his usually pale cheeks Emily cursed the little spark that ignited inside her at the memory.

"Mommy?" Grace said, "why do you look so dreamy eyed?"

Emily's head snapped down. Giving her daughter a shaky smile she said; "Oh, I'm just thinking of all the ice cream we're going to eat, sweetie."

"Ooh," Grace said, smiling wide, "me too!"

Stroking Grace's hair Emily smiled and looked at Jack. "So, Jack, what'll it be?"

"Uhm… I don't know yet," Jack said, "Can I just come up to the counter with you?"

"Sure, of course," Emily said, glancing at Hotch and giving him a surprised smile as Jack scooted off the bench and followed her.

"See anything you like?" Emily asked Jack as they stood side by side examining the thirty-one different flavors.

"Uh, can I think a little more?"

"Sure, take as long as you want."

Jack walked the length of the counter a few times, dragging his feet behind him. Emily watched him patiently, though with a growing suspicion that something was on his mind. After quickly debating with herself, she decided that she just couldn't let it slip by her. "Jack?" she said, prompting him to turn and look at her. She glanced over at Hotch and Grace, neither was looking their way. "Is something the matter, honey?"

"Uhm," he looked down at his shoes, "I dunno if I should say."

"It's okay, sweetie," Emily said, taking a few steps closer to Jack, so that she blocked him from view of the rest of the patrons, giving them a bit of privacy. "What's wrong?"

Jack shifted a bit uncomfortably. "I just… uhm… are you and my dad fighting?" he asked finally.

"Oh…Eh…" Emily stumbled, surprised by the ten-year-old's blunt question. "Eh, no sweetie," she said, giving Jack a smile, "we're not fighting. Are you worried that we are?"

"Mmhmm," Jack hummed, nodding slowly, she could tell that he wasn't sure whether he should be telling her this and she desperately wanted him to feel safe and comfortable with her. "Dad's been a lot happier since you've become friends again and we've been doing all this fun stuff together. But now when he came back he seemed sad again."

"Oh," Emily said, "I know that your dad wouldn't want you to worry about that. But honestly, like all friends do, your dad and I sometimes disagree on things. Your dad is a stubborn person and I am just as stubborn as him so we butt heads sometimes. But we are still friends and we will always try our hardest to stay friends. I promise that you have nothing to worry about."

"Really?" Jack asked, his face brightening.

"Really," Emily answered, giving him another smile, "now, let's get that ice cream before your father comes looking for us. He looked really hungry."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought, I love feedback like I love TG in bike shorts…hmmm, well maybe not in the same way, but just as much… **

**x Sussi**


	35. Alone

**A/N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing! You are all awesome. Sorry this update has taken some time to get up… Also I just thought that I would let you all know that I will be wrapping this story pretty soon… not saying anything else though…**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirty-five – Alone**

**November 2015**

"Are you excited to spend the day with you daddy, sweetheart?" Emily asked Grace, as she navigated the sedan onto one of the smaller streets in Hotch's neighborhood. A few back-to-back cases had kept them away from DC for almost two weeks. She had managed to get a couple of days with Grace. But Hotch hadn't seen his daughter since their last outing together; that Saturday when they had all gone out for ice cream together.

"Yeah," Grace said, squirming and turning in her seat, the excitement making it impossible for her to sit still, "Daddy said that we can watch Shrek again." She smiled widely, thoughts of Donkey only increasing her excitement.

"Really?" Emily smiled, as Grace mentioned her favorite movie, one that she had seen enough times to almost know it all by heart, "that was very nice of Daddy." No matter how things between her and Hotch were going the ways in which he would indulge their daughter always made her smile.

Emily glanced in the rearview mirror, checking to make sure that Grace, who had fallen silent, was still doing fine. She was; something outside had caught her attention and she was dutifully staring out the side window. Emily let the corners of her mouth curve into a smile. Knowing that Grace was doing okay she let her mind wander down the same winding road it had been exploring the last two weeks.

What Jack had told her had been flitting around every corner of her mind every day. She was able to push it away for the most part during the day, but late at night, lying in a strange bed in a strange hotel room, she would twist and turn her and Hotch's relationship around or the lacking thereof. The invisible, but oh so palpable, tension between them had been there during every case. They would be friendly but neither would get close to the other. Hotch had paired her with Morgan or Rossi or Reid, but he had kept his own distance. Not that she had been all that warm and inviting.

But she just didn't know what to say and she couldn't read him well enough to know what was going on inside his head. She knew they were still friends deep down. She didn't think he still was angry with her. But something was making him keep her at arm's length. And something was making her let him.

"Mommy?" Grace's voice sounded from behind her, letting her know that whatever outside the car that had been holding her interest was no longer entertaining.

"What's up, sweetness?" she asked, throwing a quick look over her shoulder.

"You know," Grace said, tugging at her teddy bear's purple bow, "Molly and Tommy and Katy, all their mommies and daddies live in the same house. When are we gonna go live in the same house as Daddy and Jack?

**January 2012**

Emily pushed Grace's baby carriage out of the way to get to her phone, stubbing her toe on the dresser as she grabbed the angrily ringing device. Cursing quietly, so not to wake up the baby sleeping in the other room, she answered using just as soft words.

"JJ. Hi," she whispered through gritted teeth. Sinking down on a chair she rubbed her sore toe vigorously.

"Emily?" JJ said, "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," Emily said, a little louder, "I just had a bit of an accident and I don't want to wake up Gracie. I just got her to sleep." Emily sighed. "She was up half the night. She's teething and let's just say that she has her father's temperament." She laughed quietly, but it was a humorless, stilted laugh. She tried so hard to keep him away from her thoughts, but he had planted himself there and he would not leave.

"Mmhmm," JJ hummed, "I remember teething, Henry was really fussy at one point, especially during the nights. Luckily Will usually didn't mind getting up at two in the morning and letting me sleep."

Emily felt a little pang in her chest, the warmth lingering in JJ's voice when she said Will's name made her ache for the man she had left behind.

"I'm sorry, Emily," JJ said and Emily realized that she had been quite for too long, "I shouldn't have put it like that."

"No, JJ. It's fine, really," Emily said. "I'm glad that you have Will. You don't have to apologize for being happy. I'm just a bit sleep deprived is all, that's why I get a bit emotional sometimes." She cleared her throat to rid herself of the lump starting to form there and rubbed her arm across her teary face.

"Are you sure, Emily?" JJ said, sounding unconvinced, "It is a lot of work, being an agent and a mother at the same time, trust me I know… and I have help."

"I have a nanny," Emily said, her tone a bit more defensive than she'd intended.

"I know you do, Em," JJ said, her voice still calm and soothing, "I just, and please don't be mad at me for saying this, but I think you'd be happier if you came back. You'd have your family around you, Pen and I would love to help out, and Hotch…"

"Is the reason I can't come back, Jayje," Emily sighed. A soft whimpering coming from Grace's room caught her attention. "Sorry, JJ, I promise we'll talk more about this but I can hear Gracie crying so…"

"Go," JJ said, "I'll call another day. Give Grace a big kiss for me."

"I will. Bye JJ," Emily said, clicking off and shoving the phone into the pocket of her sweats. Peeking over the edge of Grace's crib she was met by her daughter's sparkling, yet clearly cranky, dark brown eyes. "Hi, sweetness," she cooed, reaching into the crib and lifting Grace to her chest. "Did you wake up on the wrong side?" she said, slowly rocking the little girl to and fro as she walked towards the kitchen. "Are you a little cranky?"

"Do you want a nice, cold teething ring?" Clutching Grace close she pulled out one of the frozen rings and made her way to the sofa where she sank down. "Here you go," she cooed, smiling as the little fingers grabbed the ring and the crying slowly tapered off.

Her daughter nuzzled against her chest, the heat from her tiny body warming Emily to the core, she sat silently swaying. She could feel Grace's breathing evening out. The teething ring fell to the floor with a soft thump as the little fingers let go. But she didn't want to move. She didn't want to put her back into her crib. She had a million things to do but they all took the backseat to her just sitting there, cradling her sleeping child.

She let her mind wander. She thought about how easy it would be for her to leave the little life she had created in New York over the last year and a half. She would have no trouble finding a job and like JJ had said she would be going home to lots of family and friends. But she couldn't. She looked down at Grace, feeling her heart swell so much she thought it would outgrow her body.

She would break his heart and she would mess up his life if she went back. She was afraid because she didn't know how he would react. She closed her eyes. Or maybe she was afraid because she knew exactly how he would react. He would drop everything. He had never been one to shy away from his responsibilities, even if she said that he could. He would put his own life, a life he had just managed to piece back together, on hold for her. He would let her come live with him. He'd do anything for them and eventually she would become a burden.

She held the sleeping baby tighter as she got off the sofa and walked back into Grace's small room. As softly as she could she placed her on the pink sheets in her crib, bending down she gave her a kiss goodnight on her soft black hair.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! I personally really like this flashback and I would love to know what you think.**

**If you like angst-ridden Hotch/Prentiss stories check out All This Time and Someone To Save You by hotchityhotchhotch. You won't be sorry! **

**x Sussi**


	36. First comes love

**A/N: Thanks to everyone reading! Extra sugary sprinkles to everyone reviewing and a big hug each to those who have put this story on alert… there're 200 of you… wow! Here's a quicker update for you. Hope you like!

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** Coming Back Home **

**Chapter thirty-six – First comes love…**

**November 2015**

Emily shook her head attempting to shake the vivid memory back into the little box in the very back of her mind it obviously had escaped from. To let it join the other memories she had of the moments over the past years when her resolve had faltered and all she had wanted to do was to run back to Hotch. She knew she could get lost in those memories, examining them from every angle possible, trying to figure out why she did what she did. But at the moment she couldn't let herself get lost in the past, the present was too pressing.

Glancing over her shoulder, she gave Grace the warmest smile she could manage in her slightly flustered state. "Gracie, sweetie," she said, "we've talked about this, remember? We have our own house where we live, just like Daddy and Jack have theirs."

Grace nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, but Mommy we could live with Daddy and Jack in their house. We could do that!"

"Well, Gracie," Emily said, pulling up outside Hotch's apartment complex, watching the awning flutter in the wind. "It isn't quite that easy you see," she said, turning in her seat and reaching out to rub Grace's knee. "Your Dad and I are just friends and usually when mommies and daddies live together in the same house they are married. Daddy and I aren't married."

"Okay," Grace said slowly, seemingly content with that answer. At least for the time being.

"Alright," Emily smiled, relieved that Grace hadn't pushed the subject further, but still well aware that it could easily pop up again. "Okay, sweetie, grab your backpack and teddy bear and I will help you out of your chair."

Hotch answered after the first knock, there was little doubt in her mind that he hadn't been waiting by the door eager to see his little girl. Emily had seen him many Sundays over the last few months but she still couldn't escape the way her body reacted to seeing him in his casual weekend clothes. His faded jeans only emphasized what she knew were a pair of very muscular thighs and the dark blue polo made him look laid back, relaxed and younger than his 49 years. The warmth spreading through her veins was impossible to ignore.

He gave her a brief smile, one that only made the awkwardness filling the air more prominent. She smiled back, releasing Grace's hand to let her bounce into the apartment, after a quick smile at her father, in search of her older brother.

Emily caught Hotch's eye. "Could I talk to you real quick?" she said.

"Of course," he said, closing the front door a bit behind him to give them some privacy.

"Uh… I think you should know that Grace brought up the "why don't we live together with Daddy" issue on the drive over. She seemed okay with my answer but she might ask you too. Just so that you are prepared that that question might come up during the day."

"Oh…" Hotch looked stunned for a short second before recollecting his wits and resuming the neutral countenance he usually favored. "Thank you for letting me know," he said, "uh, can I ask, what did you tell her?"

"Well," Emily said, shifting some of her weight between her feet, "I explained to her that usually it's only moms and dads that are married that live together and that you and I… well, we're just friends and that's why we have our own separate homes."

Hotch nodded. Even though he knew that saying anything else to Grace would just confuse her and possibly hurt her in the long run a knot still twisted his stomach as Emily referred to them as being just friends. He knew that that's what they had decided they were for now. They _had_ agreed on the fact that there was something more between them; something that hadn't gone away during the time they had spent apart. But that was several weeks ago and instead of them taking steps forward towards being more than friends they had both stumbled further away from each other. Maybe Emily had decided that friends were all that they could ever be.

He sighed, pushing away the uninvited thoughts clouding his brain. "Okay, thanks," he said, giving Emily a short smile, "If she asks again I will make sure to tell her the same thing. Now, when did you say you'd come pick her up?" A change of subject was probably best, he decided.

"I'll be back around six, if that's okay with you," Emily said, beginning to walk away, "so you'll have time for dinner."

"See you then," Hotch said, allowing his gaze to follow her as she walked down the long corridor and back outside into the early winter sun. Stifling another sigh, he took a few seconds to collect himself before stepping back into the apartment.

He could hear Gracie's infectious laughter, bouncing off the walls, and he smiled to himself. Thoughts of his and Emily's relationship, any problem that he might be having, were always easier to push to the side when heard that sound. Following her voice, it led him to Jack's bedroom. "Gracie," he said, as he peeked around the open door, "don't bug your brother too much."

Grace looked up at him, from where she was sitting dangling her feet at the foot of Jack's bed. Jack glanced up too, from the book he had been reading, and gave his father an appreciative smile. "I kinda have to read this by Monday," he said, holding up the book.

"Alright," Hotch said, "come on Gracie, let's go play in the living room and leave Jack to do his homework."

"Okay," Grace said and jumped off Jack's bed, her teddy bear still clutched in one hand, "can we play that you're a troll and I am a princess?" She walked behind him, taking small skips to keep up with his long strides. "Or you can be my pet tiger!"

"We'll play whatever you want, sweetie," Hotch said, looking down at the top of her dark head and smiling.

Hotch couldn't avoid thinking about what Rossi would say if he could see him now. The friendly mockery would never end and Hotch would be constantly reminded of what he'd looked like on all fours on his living room floor, acting out the role of a pet tiger. He shook his head, the corners of his mouth tilting briefly at the thought.

"Daddy?" Grace said rather abruptly, prompting Hotch to leave his own head and look up at her.

"Yeah, sweetie?" Hotch said, sitting up.

"You know, Mommy said that only daddies and mommies that are married live together in the same house," Grace told him matter-of-factly.

"Yeah," Hotch said, trying to sound casual and cheerful, wanting Grace to feel as comfortable as he possibly could, "that's usually the way it works."

Grace sat down on the couch, scrunching her thin eyebrows together, and squinted quizzically at Hotch who got up from the floor realizing that this conversation had only started. Taking a seat next to Grace he gave her a smile and ran a hand over her hair. "Did you have more questions, sweetheart?"

Grace's face lit up in a smile. "If you and Mommy get married, then we could come and live with you and Jack all the time," she said, grinning at her simple solution to the problem.

Hotch smiled, he couldn't help but do anything else at the way Grace's innocent mind worked. "It's not that simple, sweetie," he said, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Why?"

"Well, you see," he said, "When two people decide to get married they do that because they are very much in love with each other. "

"Are you and Mommy in love?" Grace twisted, folding her legs under her, looking a Hotch with big curious eyes.

"Mommy told you that she and I are friends, right?" Grace nodded, her eyes following him with rapt attention. "Well, your Mommy and I, we _are_ friends. We are very good friends actually and we do love each other, but not in that special way that you do when you get married." He felt a stab of guilt as he saw the tinge of disappointment in Grace's eyes. But he pushed it away, he couldn't make any promises he didn't know if he could keep, no matter how much he wanted to. "But you know what?" he said, trying to keep his voice as cheery and light as possible.

"What?"

"Both Mommy and I love you thi-is much," he said, spreading his arms as wide as they would go and enveloping Grace in a big hug. "Hey," he said, giving Grace's shoulders a squeeze, "want to help me make lunch? I think we should have chocolate chip pancakes today. What do you think?"

"Chocolate chip pancakes are my favorite!"

"I know," Hotch laughed, lifting her off the couch, "now come on Little."

A couple of hours later Hotch was tidying up the kitchen, having left Grace playing quietly with her dolls in the living room. Jack was back in his room finishing reading his book. As he was starting to empty the dishwasher soft steps sounded behind him followed by a tiny whimper. He snapped around. "Grace, what's the matter, sweetie?" he said, kneeling next to her.

"My tummy hurts," she cried, clinging to his neck, "I want my mommy!"

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! You know one of the 'fun' things about writing this story is getting to figure out how to explain things so that a 4yo would understand them, that has proved to be quite interesting… **

**Please review!**

**x Sussi **


	37. If walls could talk

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please enjoy this thirty-seventh chapter!

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirty-seven – If walls could talk**

Hotch hoisted Grace up on his hip, holding her steady with one hand and placing the other against her forehead. "You do feel a little warm, sweetheart. Does anything else hurt?" he said, as Grace leaned into him, pressing her face against his chest.

"My head is achy too," she whimpered, "I want Mommy."

"I will call Mommy," Hotch said, wrapping her more securely in his arms, "why don't I tuck you into my bed and then I'll go call mommy?" He could feel her nodding against his chest, and he rubbed a hand across her back as he walked towards his bedroom. Easing her small body down onto the bed he felt a small wave of fear flow over him. He had dealt with a sick child before. Jack had been sick several times over the years, as one would expect of a small child. But this was the first time he'd have to deal with Grace being sick. He pulled a thin sheet around her giving her a smile and kissed her forehead. "Try to get some sleep, sweetie and I will call Mommy."

Sitting down on the foot of the bed, not wanting to leave Grace even for the five minutes the phone call would take, he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed. Emily answered after the second ring.

"Emily," he said after her short greeting, "I think Grace has come down with something, she has a stomach ache and she does feel a bit warm." He heard her release a tiny gasp and then he could hear her start to move about.

"It's probably nothing serious," he said, not wanting Emily to race over in a panic. "She's not in a lot of pain, just a bit sluggish," he said, glancing over at Grace who was still awake playing quietly with her teddy bear. "Yeah, she's playing with her teddy bear right now."

Emily's keys jangled and a door fell shut. "I'll be there as soon as I can," she said and he could hear her muffled footsteps. She had apparently opted for the stairs instead of the elevator, he would have done so too. "We'll give her pediatrician a call when I get there," she said and he told her they would and that he would see her soon and she hung up.

"How're you feeling, sweetie? Not tired?" he said, sitting down next to Grace, "Does your tummy still hurt?" She nodded, but didn't move any attention from the dress she was tugging onto the bear. He smiled as he pushed himself of off the bed and ventured into the bathroom, in search of the ear thermometer he'd purchased about a month earlier – wanting to be prepared for everything.

Grace squirmed as he sat back down next to her and tugged her gently onto his lap. Whispering soft words of encouragement, he placed the thermometer against her ear. Giving her a kiss and an "all done" he let her lay back down. Checking the display he let out a breath; one hundred and one. That wasn't too bad. As he waited for Emily to arrive he sat silently next to Grace, stroking her hair as she minded her bear. "How's your teddy bear doing?" he said.

"Her tummy hurts too," Grace said, patting the bear's fuzzy stomach. "You have to check how warm her ear is too," Grace said, twisting around in Hotch's lap and holding up the bear. He let a very serious expression fall across his face as he took the bear and rested it in his lap. Frowning he held the thermometer close to its tiny ear. "I think she has a bit of a fever," he said to Grace, "I think you better tuck her in." He smiled, as he watched Grace pull the covers over the teddy bear, glad that she had something preoccupy her mind.

His phone buzzed quietly on the bedside table. "Hey," he said, "you here?"

"Just outside your door," Emily answered, "I didn't want to knock in case Gracie had fallen asleep."

"I'll come and get you," he said, getting off the bed. "Mommy's here," he whispered to Grace. Starting towards the door, he turned as small footsteps sounded behind him. He chuckled into the phone; "Let me rephrase that," he said, "_we_ will come and get you."

"Is Gracie still up?"

"Yeah," Hotch said, "she's been taking care of her teddy bear, who's also been feeling a little under the weather." He could almost sense the smile grazing Emily's lips, knew it was there even without having to look at her and it made him smile too.

He pulled the door open, stepping to the side to let Emily through. She brushed against his bare arm as she entered and he could feel every nerve ending tingling. He cursed his body for coming alive the way that it did when she was near. The way it made him less than completely in control. He closed his eyes, listening to Grace happily greet her mother.

"Mommy," Grace said, as Emily sunk to her knees and wrapped her arms around her, "my tummy hurts."

"I know, sweetie," Emily said, hugging Grace close, "Daddy told me. Where does it hurt?"

"Here and here." Grace pointed to her stomach and head.

"Come on," Emily said, taking Grace by the hand, "let's get you something cold to drink and then Daddy can tuck you back into bed." She glanced over her shoulder, catching Hotch's eye. "How bad was her fever?" she said.

"One hundred and one," Hotch answered, "so not too bad."

"Okay, I'll still give her pediatrician a call while you put her to bed."

When Hotch emerged from his bedroom fifteen minutes later he managed to catch the last few words Emily exchanged with Grace's doctor. He took a seat next to her on the couch, but made sure to keep a few safe feet between them. "What did she say?" he said.

"That it's probably just a bug and that she should get better on her own. If her fever spikes or if she starts vomiting we have to bring her in. But rest and plenty of fluids should do the trick. Do you have some Tylenol or something, just in case?"

"Uh, no I don't think so, not ones that are okay for Grace," Hotch said, getting up, "but I'll go get some right now. I just have to let Jack know that I'm leaving."

"Okay," Emily said, giving him a small smile that lacked its usual sparkle.

"Are you okay?" Hotch said, not bothering about masking the concern he felt for her.

"Yeah," Emily said, rubbing her palms across her thighs, "it was just a bit of a scare. I'll be fine when I know that Grace is well."

Hotch nodded. "Uh, why don't you stay here tonight?" he said, feeling his cheeks flush uncharacteristically at the surprised look in her eyes. "It might be better if Grace sleeps here tonight," he explained, "and you could…uh…sleep in my bed with her."

"Where will you sleep?"

"Oh, I'll just take the couch. I've fallen asleep on it a few times, it's actually not that bad," Hotch said. "Or I'll put a mattress on the floor in Jack's room – that is if he'll let me."

"Thanks," Emily said giving him another smile, some of the sparkle returning.

"Anytime," Hotch said, returning her smile with some trepidation, "You know I'd do anything for Grace." She nodded and he was sure that he saw a touch of disappointment. "And for you," he said, so quietly he wasn't sure she had heard him. She didn't answer, so he figured she hadn't. "Okay, I should be back in thirty minutes or so," he said, louder, opening the front door, "make yourself at home."

"Bye." Emily watched as the door closed behind him. The second the locked clicked and she was left alone she felt an awkwardness descend on her shoulders, making a shiver run across her arms. She had been in his apartment so many times before, and never felt that feeling of not belonging that was tingling along her spine.

She tried quelling the feeling, making her way to Hotch's bedroom to check that Grace was still sleeping peacefully, but the sight of the once so familiar room only spurred it on. She bent down, carefully tucking a strand of raven hair behind Grace's ear and pressing a soft kiss to her temple, before she left the room again. Leaving the door ajar, she whispered; "Sweet dreams, sweetness."

She decided to ignore the conflicting emotions, venturing back down the hallway and into the living room, this time taking it all in. The same art hung on the beige walls, the same thin layer of dust grazing the frames. Hotch rarely had time to clean and his trust issues extended to not letting anyone unknown into his home, not even a cleaning lady. She knew that hadn't changed. In fact, she thought, it had probably worsened after she left.

Her eyes fell to the couch. It was a dark coffee brown and plushy and obviously new. It hadn't been there all those years ago. The old couch had been rich black leather. He had got rid of the old one. Maybe he didn't want to remember all the nights spent curled together on it; his breath fanning her face and her hands sliding along his arms as some movie they weren't watching played in the background.

She sighed. Stepping off memory lane with determined strides, she spotted a few case files they had been doing consults on over the last few weeks lying on his desk. She walked over to his it and picked up one of the folders in hopes that it would distract her until Hotch came back home. As she leafed through it a photograph fell out. It wasn't one of the crime scene photos, it was much too small. Turning it over her breath got caught in her throat.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Feedback is adored and appreciated times 100 000 000…**

**Also, it seems I placed in three categories in the 2010 CM Fanfic Awards on LJ; Best Author (3****rd****), Best H/P Smut (2****nd****) and Best Femslash smut (3****rd****). Thanks to those who voted (if any of you are reading this)! **

**x Sussi**


	38. Grace

**A/N: Thanks a bunch for reading and extra hugs to all reviewers! This is one of my favorite chapters out of them all and I really hope that you will all enjoy it as well.

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirty-eight – Grace**

**06:30 AM, May 18 2011**

Emily breathed slowly, filling her lungs with air and holding it in for just a few seconds before letting go of the breath. She hugged her stomach as the pain slowly subsided. "Alright," she whispered to the very noticeable bump, "you're a few days early peanut. But it seems like you're determined that today is the day, so who am I to argue?"

She gingerly propped herself up on her elbows and swung her legs over the edge of her bed. Struggling slightly she pushed herself off, looking around the room, she found a pair of stretchy sweatpants and favorite red top. She pulled her night gown over her head and dropped it onto the bed. As she tugged on her clothes, her eyes fell on the bag she had prepared about a week earlier. It hadn't been much different from packing her go-bag, although she had never once filled her go-bag with stretch pants and huge underwear. JJ had given her a few pointers, told her what she might need and for that she was grateful. Having the bag ready, and packed with stuff she knew she'd be needing, took away some of the enormity of the situation.

She picked her phone up off the bedside table, one hand still hugging her bump in an effort to soothe her little girl, and maneuvered the key set, dialing the number of one the other people who knew what was happening.

"Mother," she said, as the other end of the line opened.

"Emily?" Elizabeth Prentiss sounded startled. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, mother, I am fine… we both are," Emily said, carefully bending down and picking up her over-night bag, "it's time."

Elizabeth inhaled sharply. "Alright," she said, trained to retain her composure in the most pressing of situations, "Do you want us to come pick you up?"

"Thanks, but I actually think that it'll be quicker for me to take a cab than for you to drive all across town and then back. I will meet you at the hospital as soon as possible."

"If that is what you want, darling," Elizabeth said, and Emily confirmed that it was, "then your father and I will meet you there. And please, Emily, be careful."

"I will," Emily promised. "I will see you and dad soon," she said and hung up. On her way out she stopped briefly by the doorway to the nursery, standing silently rubbing her belly. The light was off and the curtains pulled closed; clouding the room in a faint dusk, obscuring any lines and edges. A smile touched her lips as her eyes wandered from the crib in the middle of the room to graze the pale yellow walls. Just like her over-night bag had been ready and waiting for this moment, this room had been patiently waiting for its owner. Her father had helped her put it all together a few weeks earlier and it had been yet another way for reality to softly nudge her. She was having a baby, a little baby girl, and she was having her now.

Finding a cab turned out to be easier than she had first thought. Maybe it was the fact that she was a pregnant woman standing alone by the curb, carrying a small suitcase, at seven in the morning that had the cabby take pity on her.

A flash of worry crossed his leathery face as she told him her destination - Mount Sinai Medical Center. "You won't pop in my car, will you? I just had it cleaned. Cost me fifty bucks," he said, giving her the once-over, deep furrows lining his face.

"No," Emily said, trying to remember that she was lucky he had picked her up, "I don't think this one's coming for another few hours." She gave him an encouraging smile, trying wordlessly to speed the process along. He shrugged and pulled out, zipping in between a rickety station wagon and a shining silver Lexus.

Emily fiddled with her phone. She desperately wanted to make the call, but she didn't know if she should. It was early on a Wednesday morning. They were either on their way to a new case or in the middle of one. She swallowed uncomfortably; chances were that JJ was with Hotch. She closed her eyes. She had to talk to JJ. She had to let her know.

Even though it took only a few seconds for JJ's soft voice to sound on the other end Emily still had time enough to let her worries take her over. "JJ. Hi," she said, "is this a bad time? Should I hang up?"

"Emily!" JJ sounded surprised, "No, not at all. We're on our way to Memphis, but we've already gone over the basics of the case. What's up?"

"Well, I'm in a cab on my way to the hospital," Emily said, a smile touching her lips as realization dawned upon her yet again. "JJ, it's time."

"Oh my god, Emily!" JJ exclaimed. "That's great," she added, her voice back to a much more hushed tone, "Are you sure you're okay? Why are you taking a cab? I thought your mother and father were in New York."

"They are – " Emily said, feeling the first twinge of another contraction nipping her, "– _Ooh_ – it's just easier this way. They're meeting me at the hospital… _Aahh! Crap, that hurts_…"

"Emily, listen to me," JJ said quietly, "breath Emily, slowly… that's it." She kept her quiet encouraging words flowing, guiding Emily through the pain.

"Thanks, Jayje," Emily managed as the pain wore off, "this one wasn't too bad." She took another few slow breaths, listening as JJ's slightly muffled voice answered someone in the background. She wondered if it was Hotch. If he had heard JJ say her name. If he was asking about her. Wanting to know why she was calling JJ.

"Sorry, Em," JJ said, the sound of her voice collecting Emily's thoughts into neater rows, "the guys are asking questions. We can keep talking if you want to, but that will only increase their curiosity." She sounded almost apologetic, as if it was her fault and Emily felt bad she'd put her on the spot.

"It's okay, JJ. Go back to the case. I'm almost at the hospital now. I will call you again, first chance I get." Emily pocketed her phone just as the cab pulled up outside the hospital. She gave the driver a few bills and a smile, thanking him for getting them there both safely and fast. She took a few steps, stopping just outside the entrance, needing a few seconds to just breathe the cool, calming spring air.

**Ten hours later**

Emily released a breath. Breathing out she let every cell in her body rest as the most beautiful sound she had ever heard reached her ears – the sound of her little girl crying her lungs out. It took most of the energy she had left to tilt her lips into a smile, yet it wouldn't leave her face.

"She's beautiful, darling," Elizabeth said, rubbing her daughter's arm, "just perfect."

"Here we are, mommy," one of the nurses said as she placed the tiny pink bundle on Emily's chest, "ten fingers, ten toes and a pair of very impressive lungs. Congratulations."

Emily didn't say anything. Words just weren't able to form in her head. All she could focus on was her daughter resting, now peacefully, on her chest. The small hands grasping the flimsy cloth of her hospital gown. The tuft of wild, dark hair. Her little pointy nose and the ten tiny toes. And the overwhelming love coloring every inch of her swelling heart.

A few hours later, Emily sat in her private room quietly watching her daughter sleeping soundly in her arms. She had been fed, changed and wrapped in a ridiculously expensive blanket bought by her grandmother. Emily hummed softly, carefully counting her fingers again. She had lost track on how many times she had done it so far.

Looking at her daughter's face she couldn't help but see Hotch in her tiny features. Her eyes were Hotch's. Her cheeks, dented with miniature dimples as she smiled in her sleep, were Hotch's. She felt a tear well up. If it was from the overwhelming happiness she felt or the sadness thoughts of Hotch brought her she didn't know. She closed her eyes, willing Hotch's face to leave her mind. She knew that thoughts like that would eat her up if she let them and she just couldn't let herself get consumed. Her number one priority from this day would be her daughter. Keeping her safe and happy and making her feel loved.

One day, she knew, she would tell Hotch. She didn't know when that day would come; she just knew that it would. Not now though, later when any feelings that might have been there had cooled down and gone away. Although she knew that hers never would.

A soft knock and the door slowly gliding open brought her back. She looked up, meeting the smiling faces of her parents.

"How's the little one?" asked Emily's father as he took a seat in a chair next to the bed.

"Doing really well," Emily smiled back, "she's sleeping soundly."

Elizabeth stroked a gentle thumb along her granddaughter's spine. Moving she touched her hand against Emily's forehead, brushing a strand of messy hair from her eyes. "How are you feeling, darling?" she said.

Emily eyes shifted between her mother and her daughter, giving Elizabeth a quick glance, before returning her attention to her daughter. "Complete," she smiled.

"So," Elizabeth said after a few moments of silence, "does this little bundle have a name yet?"

"She does," Emily said, "Grace. Her name is Grace Anne Hotchner."

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**A/N: Thanks so much! Please do let me know what you thought. **

**x Sussi**


	39. The Photo

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. **

**A few notes today; **

**I just want you to know that I won't delve much further into what Emily's parents thought of her having Hotch's child, it might come up, but not in any detail.**

**I gave Grace the last name Hotchner as a way of showing Emily's deep feelings for Hotch and to add to the angst. I have been told that it is possible for a single mother to give her child the father's last name. **

**Also, if you do have any questions regarding the plot and/or my decisions, please do not leave them in an anonymous review as that gives me no way to answer them. **

**Thank you and on with the show.

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**

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter thirty-nine – The Photo**

**November 2015 (present day)**

The key in the lock startled her and pulled Emily up from the depths of her daydream. The photo in her hand fell down onto the open folder. She glanced down, catching her own face smiling back at her. For a second, as the lock clicked, she didn't know what to do. She could feel her cheeks turning crimson at the thought of being caught, even though she knew that Hotch was the one who at some point would have to explain why he had that photo.

Quickly flipping the folder shut and hiding the photo, she plastered an unconvincing smile on her lips. "Hey," she said as Hotch slipped through the door and closed it softly behind him. "Did you get everything?" she said, as she stepped away from the desk, unable to keep her eyes from dropping to the closed folder she could swear was screaming at him begging for his attention.

Hotch arched an eyebrow at her slightly. "Yeah," he said, holding up a plastic bag with the name of a pharmacy written on it in bold letters. "I got us some take out too," he held up another, less fancy, plastic bag, "I didn't really feel up to cooking right now. I hope Chinese is okay with you."

"Of course," Emily gave him a small smile, choosing to ignore the confusion lacing his eyes, though feeling her nerves tingling, "Did you get – "

"Spring rolls? Of course. How could I forget?" Hotch said, smiling back as he walked into the kitchen and put the bags on the counter. "Is Grace still sleeping?"

"She is," Emily said, following him and leaning a bit awkwardly against the counter, her right hand working fervently at picking the left one's nails. "It probably is just a twenty-four hour bug she's come down with." She shifted uncomfortably. "Is there anything that I could help you with?"

"Sure," Hotch said, "could you tell Jack that dinner's ready while I set the table?"

Emily gave him a smile and a nod and Hotch watched her as she disappeared through the door, his forehead crinkled in confusion. Something had changed during the not even thirty minutes he had been gone. The air was sprinkled thick with a tension that hadn't been there before. Sure, their relationship still had its awkward moments, but this was different. It was as if Emily knew something that he didn't. Was it something he had done? Or something he'd said or hadn't said? He searched every crevice of his brain for any type of clue, as he picked up plates and glasses, placing them on the table, finally coming up with nothing.

He didn't get the chance to think about it any further as with bounding steps Jack entered the room. "Hey Dad," he said, stopping by the table, "Emily said she'd be back in a minute, she was going to check on Grace and then wash up."

"Thanks bud," Hotch said, giving his son a smile, "now take a seat so we can get started when Emily gets back."

Dinner passed quietly with Jack doing most of the talking. Between mouthfuls he'd told them animatedly about the book he was reading for school. Hotch had listened to his son, glad that Jack didn't seem to notice the tension in the air between him and Emily. As he kept his ears on his son's story, he kept his eyes on Emily, discreetly analyzing her features. The tiny wrinkle just above her nose, which he had seen so many times before, told him that her mind was working overtime. He just couldn't figure out why.

"Alright, buddy," Hotch said as the last spring roll had been devoured, "could you take out the trash please? Then you can finish your book."

Jack nodded eagerly; "Okay dad," he said, taking the empty containers from the table, and disappeared towards the kitchen.

As they heard the front door closing, Emily got up picking up her plate and Jack's. "I'll just clear up," she said, her eyes on the wall instead of his.

"Emily?" Hotch said, feeling as though he was treading on dangerously thin ice though without knowing how he'd ended up in the middle of a frozen lake. She glanced across her shoulder. "Is everything okay Emily?" he said, letting his eyes map her face, trying to find what she wasn't telling him.

"Everything's fine, Hotch," Emily said, her lips turning in a smile he didn't believe.

They both startled and turned as the door opened and closed with a bang and Jack's sneakers drummed against the hardwood floor. Taking advantage of the momentary disruption Emily slipped away into the kitchen. Hearing Jack's door close, knowing that they would have their privacy, Hotch got up and followed her. Everything wasn't fine, he knew that much. Something had happened.

She was rinsing plates when he came up behind her. His heart dropped as he saw her shoulders tense up. "Emily please, I know something's bugging you. Please tell me what it is. Is it something that I can help you with?" He watched as her shoulders became slack, meeting her eyes with his warm hazel gaze as she turned around.

She breathed deeply. "I found the photo," she said.

"What photo?" Hotch said, for a few seconds genuinely confused before he realized what she was talking about. "Oh," he said, feeling his heart rate quickening, "Ah, I'm so sorry Emily, I… I shouldn't have kept it, I just… I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad, Hotch," Emily said, some of the tension leaving her face, "I'm just… confused." She sighed. "Uhm, could we sit down?"

"Sure." Emily walked by him towards the couch and he had to fight every instinct within him not to place a comforting hand at the small of her back. Instead he balled his hands up into tight fists. Sinking down on the couch, he didn't have enough self-restraint left to keep his distance, taking a seat just inches from her.

"Where did you get that photo from?" Emily said, deciding that there was no use beating around the bush. They had been dancing around the issues between them for months, she was becoming tired.

"It had got mixed up with the photos of Grace you gave me a few months back," Hotch said, gripping his knees for support. "I should have just given it back to you, it wasn't mine to keep."

"Why didn't you?" Emily said, feeling that little flare of hope igniting inside her.

"I don't know."

"Yes you do," Emily said, shaking her head, "Hotch you don't do anything without thinking it through first. However subconscious it might have been, you kept that photo for a reason."

"Honestly," Hotch said after a few moments silence, turning slightly so that he could look her straight in the eyes and consequently bumping his knee against hers, "my first thought when I saw it was to rip it. I was angry and it hurt just seeing it."

He sighed. Opening up had never come easy to him. He knew that was one of the reasons, the biggest reason, it hadn't worked with Emily all those years ago. But he also knew that he didn't want to make that mistake again. So he closed his eyes, gathering his strength, before gazing into her eyes again. "But I couldn't make myself rip it or throw it away or give it back." He took another deep breath, his eyes falling to his hands. "This might sound harsh, that isn't my intention, but I want to be completely honest with you. I think it's time for us both to be completely honest with each other."

Emily nodded slowly, though said nothing, allowing him to continue. "I didn't just miss out on Grace's first four years. I missed out on five years with you as well. I missed out on sharing your pregnancy with you and raising Grace together and I guess I used that photo of you as a way to somehow get a little part of those years." He grew silent, the feeling of being completely raw and uncovered silencing him. He looked up. Meeting Emily's gaze he saw a few tears slowly slithering down her cheek. Reaching up he brushed his thumb against her cheek, rubbing her tears away.

"I'm sorry, Aaron," Emily sniffled, taking his hand in hers, "I wish I'd have done it all differently, I really do. I wish you could have been a part of it."

"Will you tell me about it then? The things I missed." Hotch said, giving her a small smile and bringing both their hands to rest in his lap.

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**A/N: Thanks! Slightly shorter chapter, hope that's okay, but I wanted to wait till next chapter to start with the flashbacks. Please let me know what you thought, not many chapters left now… **

**x Sussi**


	40. From the beginning

**A/N: Thank you for reading! The next few chapters (the last ones) will be rather flashback heavy and some will be connected to other previous flashbacks. To help you out I'll list where to find the flashbacks you might want to read together with these. For this chapter you might want to check out the flashbacks in chapters 1, 3 and 30, if you don't remember them.**

**Sorry for the slight delay in updating. I hope that you will enjoy.

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter forty – From the beginning**

**August 2010**

She didn't even glance over her shoulder. She just kept walking, clutching the straps of her go-bag so tight that her knuckles turned an eerie white.

But the second the elevator doors slid shut behind her, all she wanted to do was to turn around and run back to him. Despite the anger, the hurt and the frustration flooding her veins her heart cried out painfully for him. Her insides twisting into a tight knot made her feel sick to her stomach. But she couldn't go back. She knew she just couldn't.

Yet when she reached the bottom floor she didn't continue on to her car. Instead she stood still. Waiting. Hoping that he would come after her. Her eyes lingered longingly at the doors leading to the staircases, imagining them flying open and Hotch storming out wearing fire and determination in his hazel eyes. She would have thrown herself in his arms.

But no one came. Just as no one had come to her last night when she had waited for him. Waited for him to come and tell her everything was going to be okay. Explained to her why he had been so cold, so harsh. She drew a few deep breaths. Giving in to the fact that she was again waiting in vain, he would not come, she walked slowly to her car. The dark SUV next to her modest sedan sent a shiver through her and she turned her gaze away, focusing instead on her hands fumbling with the keys.

As she drove away, the bright summer sun almost blinding her, she felt as if there was at least one thing that she finally could see clearly. She couldn't stay. She knew she wouldn't be able to do her job anymore. Seeing Hotch every day, knowing that they would never be as close as she wanted them to be, would slowly but surely tear her up inside. But how could she leave her team, her family, behind?

She pulled into her parking space, stopping with a jolt. Shutting off the engine, she let go of a deep sigh, leaning forward and resting her forehead against her arms. She would have to transfer. She'd have to leave the BAU and her team and leave Washington and leave him.

**November 2015 (present day)**

"I should have gone after you that day," Hotch said, his thumb slowly stroking the soft skin down the side of her hand. Her other hand moved awkwardly to brush against her cheek, swiping at the tear slowly edging its way down her skin. "I wanted to, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it." He repressed a sigh as all the conflicting feelings he'd felt that day came flooding back. Vivid images clouding his mind.

"I should have gone back," Emily said, looking up and meeting his eyes, "I shouldn't have let myself get so angry and I shouldn't have given up. It was the easy way out I guess –"she paused, turning her eyes away again, "– leaving…"

"I don't know," Hotch said, "did I really leave you any alternative?"

"I could have stayed," Emily sighed, "worked on our relationship."

"You could have," Hotch agreed, "but what was there to work on? I was keeping every single emotion that I felt so close to my chest that you had no way of knowing how I felt. I know it must have been frustrating." He turned his gaze, not able to quell the taste of guilt rising in his throat.

"I could also have been a lot more open with what I felt," Emily said, "I guess we're both guilty of not saying enough."

They sat silent for what felt like forever, though they both knew that less than a minute passed, until Hotch broke the silence again. Unable to repress the question that had lingered in his mind for so long, he said quietly, tripping over his tongue; "Did you… did you know," he paused briefly , "did you know that day? That you were pregnant, I mean."

"No," Emily said truthfully, "I didn't find out until later."

**September 2010**

She glanced over her shoulder. She didn't know why, there would be no one around who would care why she was standing at the counter in a drugstore clutching a pregnancy test. But she did it anyway. Her heart thumped uncomfortably as she paid, giving the cashier a smile she knew looked forced.

The walk back from the drugstore felt three times longer than it should have and it did nothing to soothe her racing heart. The small paper bag in her hand felt like it was holding led, weighing her down with each step. She stopped outside her apartment, breathing deeply as her fingers stumbled over the lock.

_Calm down, _she chided herself, _it doesn't have to be that. _But she knew what it was. She had lived in her body long enough to know the signs. She had been there once before.

The minutes that followed trickled by excruciatingly slowly. Emily paced the length of her bathroom, convinced she'd wear a hole in the tiles before the timer rang. What if she was? She couldn't tell him. Or maybe she could. He would accept responsibility, she was certain of that. He would help her and he would support her. But would he be happy deep down?

The timer rang, slicing the silence in two and silencing the battle in her head. She picked up the tiny, seemingly so unthreatening, plastic stick. Two pink lines. She grabbed the box again, perusing the fine print as her memory betraying her.

She sank down on top of the toilet with a strangled sigh, dropping the box and stick in the trash. There was no longer any doubt.

**November 2015 (present day)**

"I wish I could have been there for you," Hotch said, sincerity shining in his voice. As he sat next to Emily, his leg touching hers and her welcoming warmth radiating through him, listening to her tell him about what must have been one of the most frightening days of her life he didn't feel sad for himself or angry like he had done when he had first found out about his daughter. Instead he felt an overpowering want to have had been able to face that day together with her.

"I know," Emily said quietly, her gaze shifting uncomfortably around the empty room. "I know," she repeated, "and that's why we can't be together. Why you can't trust me."

"I do trust you, Emily," Hotch said, "I was angry when I found out about Grace and yes, it made my trust in you falter. But despite the ups and downs that we've had the last few months you've always let me see Grace whenever I've wanted. I have no reason not to trust you."

"Of course," Emily said, finally meeting Hotch's gaze again. He felt a stab of pain as he saw her red rimmed eyes. "I truly want you and Grace to have the best relationship you can have."

"I know," he said, grabbing her hand firmer to somehow show her, and not only tell her, how great his trust in her was.

"I can't say that I did what I did without thinking," Emily said, taking a deep breath and holding on to his hand as her voice grew steadier. They'd had this talk already once before. But then the wound was fresh, still bleeding, and she didn't know how much of it he had actually believed or even heard. She needed him to know that she had never meant to hurt him. "I did think about it… a lot… and though the decision I made was certainly flawed and I now wish that I'd done things so much more differently, back then I thought I was doing the right thing."

"You wanted to protect me," Hotch said, simply, with no hint of anger or bitterness in his deep voice, just understanding.

"I didn't want to screw with your life, you were already a mess," Emily said, hoping her frankness wouldn't put him off, though knowing that he preferred straight answers, "you hadn't completely dealt with what happened with Haley and Foyet and you were just beginning to really come to terms with being a single father." She looked him straight in the eyes. "I just couldn't drop this huge life-altering decision on you and break what little stability you had."

"You're right," Hotch said after a short pause, "I wasn't in the best of places back then, but I hope and I think that I would have been able to handle the situation." Seeing the way Emily's eyes widened he realized he'd used the wrong words and quickly added; "I would have been thrilled, Emily. I would have jumped at the opportunity to be a father again."

"I just wanted you to be happy," Emily said, "and I didn't want me or Grace to be a burden to you. It might sound strange, maybe unfounded, but that was the way I felt."

"You could never be a burden," Hotch said, "we would have been able to do it together. I can't imagine having to go through this alone. Didn't you ever consider coming back?"

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! Please do review if you have a moment… almost at the finishing line now.**

**Fair warning: I do have a couple of other stories that need to be written over the next week, so an update here might be a week away. I will try to speed things along, promise. **

**x Sussi**


	41. Should I stay or should I go?

**A/N: Thank you all for reading! And thanks for waiting patiently for this update, so sorry about the long wait. I sincerely hope that you will enjoy all of the emotions I throw at you ;)**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter forty-one – Should I stay or should I go?**

Emily grasped Hotch's hands firmer. Looking into his eyes she said, her voice filled with sincerity; "I did," she paused, taking a deep breath, "I thought about it almost every day after I left." Her eyes flickered across the room as her mind wandered across the years. "I thought about what it would be like to come back home to you, and to my friends – my family." She paused again, trying to collect her straying thoughts. "What you would say to me when I showed up with a baby on my arm…and what I would say. How I would explain showing up with Grace."

Hotch nodded, his dark brow knitted tightly together. Silently he questioned what he would have said and done had Emily shown up with an infant – his daughter. He hoped, _no he knew_, that he would have done the right thing. But he didn't know if he would have been able to break through the wall he'd built around himself. The wall that had kept her out their first time around. The wall he was now trying to break down brick by brick.

He focused back on Emily as he felt her let go of his hands. His silence had caused her to start picking at her nails instead. He covered her hands with his again, stilling her rampant fingers. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable but he needed to know more. "Were you ever close to actually coming back?"

"Yes, I was a few times," Emily said, truthfully, the feeling of his warm hands enveloping hers calming her shuddering nerves, "I even bought the plane tickets back to DC once, about a year and a half ago, but I changed my mind last minute."

"Why?"

"I talked to JJ," Emily said, "I didn't tell her about my plans so it wasn't like she talked me out of anything, but there was something she said that made me doubt my decision."

**April 2014**

Emily been talking to JJ for about fifteen minutes. She had called JJ, hoping that she wasn't away on any case or in any other way busy, feeling that she needed to talk to her friend before doing anything she might regret. Luckily she had caught her on a slow day. While still at work, it was common knowledge that except for Hotch JJ had the longest hours on the team, she had been happy for the interruption.

After a few brief mentions of work their conversation had happily floated onto talk about Grace, her third birthday only weeks away, and about Henry and the soccer practice he loved so much. Their conversations usually revolved around their children; They rarely mentioned the H-word anymore. Though she still strongly believed that Emily should just talk to him, JJ never pushed the issue and Emily almost never brought his name up, if she did it was when talking about work and the team never just him. It was her way of protecting her heart and her sanity.

But as Emily listened to JJ, her concentration drifting more and more, her mind was unable to drop the two tickets tucked away in a drawer. She had bought them after she had come across an article about a string of brutal murders in Fulton County a month earlier. She had read about how the case had been solved with the help of SSA Hotchner and his elite FBI unit. He'd been pictured next to the article and she hadn't been able to throw the newspaper away.

It had gnawed away at her resolve until one day she had, as if controlled by some other entity, gone into a travel store and bought two one-way tickets back to DC. Just like that. And now they were in a desk drawer, next to that newspaper clipping, loudly begging her to ask JJ about what she knew she really wanted to know. Was there any reason for her not to come back? So for the first time in almost six months she said his name out loud.

"JJ," she said, trying to sound as casual as possible, even plastering a smile on her face though she obviously knew JJ couldn't see it, "How's everybody? How's Hotch?" She waited, the smile slowly slipping away.

"He seems fine," JJ said, not able to hide all her surprise at the somewhat abrupt change in topic, "He's been a little less introverted lately, I guess, he's seemed more… well… happy, I guess, the last few months."

"Oh," Emily said, her heart dropping to her knees, "that's good… that's great."

**November 2015 (present day)**

"Why did that stop you from coming back?" Hotch said, his brow rising in concern and his heart speeding up uncomfortably. Why had he being happy kept her away? Maybe he hadn't realized before just how deep her fear of becoming a burden to him had run. Had she really thought that her coming back, and bringing Grace – his daughter – with her, would have made him unhappy? Even after being apart for over two years?

Emily sighed and he looked up at her. "Because hearing that you were doing fine, that you were happy, just brought back all my fears that me showing up with Grace would just screw up your life," she said, shaking her head.

Hotch felt a flash of pain through his heart as her soft, weary, voice confirmed what he already knew. He didn't blame her, but he still felt hurt that she had had so little faith in him. He knew he hadn't been a very good, for the lack of a better word, boyfriend. He understood that Emily, when she was pregnant and upset, made the choices she made. But that she two years after she left still believed that she could be anything but a blessing to him was like a fist square in his stomach pushing the air from his lungs.

Emily sighed, she felt like a broken record, but that was what had come to her mind the moment JJ said that Hotch seemed happy, the fear that she would be weighing him down and breaking the stability he had built for himself and Jack. She looked up at Hotch, her eyes swimming with tears and saw his brow pinched painfully. She reached up and gently caressed his jaw, bringing his gaze to hers. "What are you feeling, Aaron?" she said, her finger catching on his slight stubble.

"Hurt," Hotch said, almost surprised that such a naked word rolled off his tongue, "guilty and a bit confused." He managed a stiff smile. "I understand that you would have thought so little of me just after we split, I didn't handle that well, but almost three years down the line…" his voice tapered off.

"Oh, Aaron, you have got it all mixed up," Emily said, rubbing his arm, "I thought the world of you, but I didn't believe that you loved me and I feared that eventually you would grow to resent me for creating this huge upheaval in your life." She paused for a second, gazing at him, but when Hotch remained silent she added; "I know how incredibly stupid my reasoning sounds now," she said, "I've been over it so many times in my head, but I can't still can't really make any sense of it. JJ said that you were happy and I guess I just wanted you to stay that way."

Hotch bit back a dark chuckle, he didn't know what had prompted it, this was not a funny situation. If only Emily had known what was really going on inside his mind back then.

**April 2014**

Hotch left the conference room and headed straight for his office. He didn't want them to see how affected he was. He thought he had done a good job over the last few years – _God, had it really been years?_ – covering up the gaping hole inside of him. He knew he had a good, even excellent, poker face, very few could read him, so chances were that no one, safe maybe Rossi, knew that he was still thinking about her.

He also knew that they somewhat expected him to finally be content with his life, after all none of them knew about his past with Emily. He had a beautiful son, whom he loved more than anything in the world, and he was doing the job he'd been put on earth to do. So he had tried lightening up a bit, so to speak. He went out with them on occasion to have a beer or grab dinner. He tried not to hole up in his office all day, like he had done the first six months after she had left, and they seemed to be convinced that he was doing fine. He even had himself fooled for a while that he was okay; he had managed to push back almost all thoughts of her into the darkest corners of his mind. She sometimes entered his dreams, but even that became an increasingly rare event.

Then this case ended up on his desk and it triggered something. All he could think about when the team had been reviewing this case, they were about to embark on, was her. Southern California, three young women murdered within a Latin community – a case that would fit her like a glove. When the file had first crossed his desk he had thought about how her warm nature, sharp intellect and language proficiency would be just what they needed to solve it. Then that thought had rolled like a snowball from revolving around how he needed her on a professional level into how much he just needed her; how much he wanted her to come back home to him. And he found himself fighting back tears as he slipped through the door into his office.

He started collecting all the files and folders he would need, stuffing them into his briefcase, but stopped half-way through one document falling limply from his hand. Sinking down in his visitor's chair, he pinched the bridge of his nose, screwing his eyes shut, and tried to will the moisture in his eyes to evaporate. How could he, after two and a half years, still get this affected by her?

He swiped a hand across his forehead, forcing the stoic unit chief mask back in place and ridding his eyes of any betraying emotion, and pushed himself out of the chair.

**November 2015 (present day)**

Tears started falling down Emily's cheeks again as she listened to Hotch's brief glimpse into what he had been going through when she had thought he was fine. She had believed what JJ had told her, and she was sure that JJ believed that to be the truth too, no one was better than Hotch at hiding what he truly felt. She looked at him and he reached up to brush away her tears. "So, you weren't really doing fine?" she said.

"No, I was pretty much miserable the whole time," he said. "But that's not your fault and I don't want you to blame yourself."

Emily's eyes drifted back to her lap, "I…I…" she whispered. Twisting her hands from Hotch's grasp and got off the couch, "I should go check on Grace."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please do let me know what you thought. I could certainly use all the encouragement you're willing to throw my way when writing these last couple of chapters. It's pretty emotional.**

***EDIT: Reviewer #800 will, if they want one, get an H/P oneshot!**

**x Sussi**


	42. Making choices

**A/N: Thank you so much for the great response to the last chapter! I appreciate it so very much! A bit unexpectedly I have found myself with a bit more on my plate, I hope it won't affect my updates but in all fairness it might.**

**For this chapter you might want to check out the September 2010 flashback in chapters twenty-six and twenty-seven. Enjoy!**

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**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter forty-two – Making choices**

Hotch sat motionless, as if frozen to the couch, for a few moments before his limbs complied again. Rising from his seat , he hurried after Emily. He walked silently, careful not to wake his daughter or disturb Jack. The last thing he needed right now was his son, who had just warmed up to the idea of having not only Grace but also Emily around in his father's life, to come out and see the distressed looks he knew lingered on both their faces.

His nerve endings twitched with worry as he crossed the living room floor. His palms felt warm and clammy and he realized that his hands were clenched into tight fists. He unrolled his fingers, cracking his knuckles, and wiped his palms against his pant leg. Glancing up, he saw Emily standing still outside his bedroom, her back turned to him.

"Is she still sleeping?" he said, as he came up behind her. He wanted so badly to touch her. Wrap his arms around her waist or even just put a friendly hand on her shoulder. But he refrained; he didn't want to add to an already awkward situation. Emotions were flowing freely, something that neither of them was completely comfortable with and it only added to the tension.

Emily nodded and he couldn't help but notice the way her dark tresses danced around her shoulders. She turned slightly, looking at him over her shoulder, and gave him a smile that unraveled the knot in his stomach a tiny bit. "Still peacefully," she said, "clutching her bear," she pointed at the brown teddy bear in Grace's arms. "I think she'll sleep through the night."

"Good, I'm glad," Hotch whispered, following her into the room. He watched as she gently swept a lock of hair from Grace's forehead. He joined her next to the bed, picking up the sheet that Grace had kicked down and tucked it around her small body again. The loving, domestic scene made his heart swell with warmth and his mind with determination. They were going to work their way through this; they had to.

He softly brushed his hand against Emily's elbow, sighing inwardly when she didn't flinch or turn away but looked up at him with nerves in her big brown eyes. "Then maybe we could continue our talk," he said in a hushed tone, "we can't just leave it there."

"You're right," Emily said quietly, stroking Grace's cheek one more time. "You should check on Jack first though, it is getting pretty late."

Hotch glanced at his wrist watch. Not until now had he realized just how long they had been talking. They had been on that couch for hours. "It is getting late," he said, "I'll just make sure Jack is getting ready for bed, maybe you could…uh… make us some tea, or coffee if you'd rather have that…"

"Tea is fine," Emily smiled, "I'll get us some tea. Will you say goodnight to Jack for me?" He nodded and watched her leave the bedroom.

Emily's mind hadn't stopped racing all night. Different emotions swirled inside her like a whirlpool. She felt relief that they were finally talking, yet scared at the same time that he wouldn't like what she had to say. The fear that his feelings weren't running as deeply as hers still lingered ominously in her mind.

She heard soft steps walking slowly across the hardwood floors just as she was getting sugar from the cabinet and she turned around. Some of her fears seemed to wither away as she met Hotch's warm gaze. "How's Jack?" she said, as she stirred a teaspoon sugar into her own tea, she left Hotch's alone – she knew he didn't like it too sweet.

"Sleeping," Hotch said, accepting the cup she held out to him, "he was out like a light, asleep on top of his book. I just managed to get him to brush his teeth and put on his PJs." He took a sip of his tea, flinching slightly as the hot liquid grazed his tongue.

Emily smiled, clutching her own cup. "So, should we..?"

"Yeah," Hotch said, "let's sit down." He guided her gently towards the couch, again feeling the lump in his stomach lighten some when she let him. "Let me start this time," he said as they both sat down, placing their cups on the coffee table.

"Emily," he said, his features so serious it made her nerves flare back up, "I told you a couple months ago that I have feelings for you, feelings deeper than those between friends." His face was set, but his voice soft and she relaxed slightly. "I know that since then a few things have happened between us, but nothing that has or could have changed those feelings and I sincerely want us to work this out," he grasped her hands again, "I want to have a future with you, Emily, but for that to happen we need to be on the same page." He sighed. "I know you feel guilty, but neither of us can change the past."

"I know," Emily said, "but it's a hard feeling to shake, it'll probably never go away completely." She pulled one hand from Hotch's grip, instantly feeling colder, to pick up her cup and take a sip. She needed a few extra seconds to collect her thoughts and form her sentences. "It's not just guilt I feel, though Hotch, it's also..uh…trepidation…"

"Because of me."

Emily sighed. "Well, to be honest Hotch, yes, at least part of it is," she said, "When I left I thought you didn't love me because I couldn't read you. I thought that maybe there was something there besides lust between us but I was never sure and eventually I talked myself into believing that you'd never had any deeper feelings for me."

"What if I had told you how I really felt, would you have come back then?"

"I think so," Emily said, pausing, "I was such a mess just after I had left that I can't say for sure." She breathed deeply. "Why didn't you though?"

**September 2010**

Hotch stared at the ceiling. He shifted and twisted around, his long legs tangling in the sheet, as he punched his pillow into the soft mattress. He had been twisting and turning for well over an hour, painfully aware that dawn was near and he had to be up and back out there chasing the UnSub soon enough. But sleep wouldn't grab him. Instead it mocked him, laughed at him, staying just outside of his reach.

He knew he'd get no sleep this night. He hadn't got any the night before. His mind was too busy. Too busy playing back scenes to him from the last few weeks, finally landing on the events about a week earlier. That sinking feeling, like a boulder tied to his heart, he had felt when he had realized that his plan to go after Emily was rash and selfish. The way the plane tickets had looked torn into a million pieces and strewn across his desk. The difficulty with which he had pulled his mask back on over his face and met his team as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't felt like his heart had been torn into a million little pieces just like the tickets.

He rubbed his hand across his face and pushed himself off of the bed. Intent of the bathroom he crossed the dusky room in a few strides. The bright light from the lamp above the mirror stunned him slightly, blinking rapidly he caught sight of himself and drew a few deep breaths. The bags under his eyes stood out more than they normally did, the lines around his mouth were deeper than they had been a few months earlier. He looked harrowed, he realized.

He splashed a handful of water on his face but the cold did nothing to slow down his speeding mind. Flicking the light switch he went back into the darkened bedroom, sinking down on the foot of the bed. Bracing himself against his knees, slowly lowering his head into his open palms, he allowed the one thought that had been spinning the fastest in his mind to the front.

Had he made the right choice?

He could have ignored what JJ had told him. He could have gone after her anyway. Told her he wanted her to come back to the team, to come back home. Maybe if he had gone to New York and had seen her he would have had been able to tell her how he really felt.

He sighed and stood up, walking round the bed and crawled back beneath the sheets. He was fooling himself. He had to let her go, for both their sakes. He didn't want to hurt her more than he already had. Twisting uncomfortably again, pushing his pillow up against the headboard, he finally felt resigned to fact that he had to let her go.

**November 2015 (present day)**

"So you decided that you'd rather spend your life miserable than to tell me how you really felt?" Emily said, shaking her head.

"I wanted to do the right thing. I didn't want to hurt you anymore, so I stayed away," Hotch said, letting one arm snake around Emily's shoulders.

Emily chuckled quietly and Hotch gave her a confused look. "We're both, idiots, you know," she said, brushing a hand tiredly through her hair. "We've both spent five years doing what we thought was the right thing to do…"

"And all we did was hurt ourselves and each other," Hotch cut in.

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**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Almost over now, one more chapter plus an epilogue left, so if you've been reading this since the start and haven't dropped me a line yet… now is your time ;) **

**x Sussi**


	43. All out in the open

**A/N: Thank you all for reading and extra sprinkles to those who reviewed, y'all made my day! Here is the last 'real' chapter of Coming Back Home. Although there will be an epilogue too so it's not completely over yet…**

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Chapter forty-three – All out in the open**

Emily released a short breath as she sought Hotch's gaze, turning so that she would able look directly into his eyes. She let his arm stay draped over her shoulders. She liked the feeling of warmth it brought, radiating through her; a sense of security enveloping her like a blanket. "Pretty much," she said, her head tilting to the side, as she shrugged her shoulders gently.

Hotch kept her eyes locked to his as she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth in silent contemplation. "Do you think we can get passed that?" she said, after a few moments, "All the foolish mistakes we've made, I mean."

"I do," Hotch said, his voice gaining in intensity along with his dark gaze. He looked her straight in the eye, his arm around her shoulder tightening and drawing her closer against his body. "I think that's what we're doing right now. I think we are finally doing the right thing."

"Actually talking with each other and not just assuming that we know what the other person is thinking and feeling?" Emily said, sighing a little and shaking her head. Suddenly the answer to their problems seemed so simple, though she knew there was more to it than that. They still had obstacles to overcome, but that's what they were doing now – overcoming them.

"Yes," Hotch said, nodding slowly and looking down at his lap, "we both know that a big part of the reason why it didn't work out between us was that we never really talked about our relationship."

"No, we never did," Emily said, folding one leg under herself and leaning closer to Hotch. Placing a hand softly on his knee and for a second staying still and quiet, mulling over her thoughts, she finally asked hesitantly; "Why didn't you talk to me? We could talk about other stuff. Why did you bottle up your feelings?" She paused for a second, her eyes turning glassy. "I mean I know that I did that too –" she sat up straighter, "– I am just as, well probably more, guilty of not communicating properly. Of putting everything into tiny little boxes and – "

"Emily," Hotch said, cutting off the beginning of what he knew would be a self-deprecating ramble. He didn't want her to feel any guilt about not talking to him back then. He knew that he hadn't been the warmest and most inviting of people. He knew he kept people at arm's length; it was what he always had done. He internalized everything; no feeling was ever allowed to peek through his armor.

"It was me, I was a coward," he said simply, his forehead creasing into deep furrows, "I should have just told you everything, but I couldn't tell you how I felt because I didn't want to face my feelings. I've given this a lot of thought over the last few months and I think that I hid behind the FBI and the rules telling myself that I wasn't allowed to love you. But really I was afraid that we wouldn't work and that we would end up hurting each other."

"Don't say it like that," Emily said, her shoulders sinking as she leaned into him and ran the pad of her index finger over the raspy stubble on his cheek, "you make it sound like all that happened, all that _didn't_ happen, between us was only your fault, like I had no part in this. This was my fault too, Aaron."

"Emily – "

"Don't Emily me," she said, the twinkle in her eye and slight tilt to her lips letting him know that she was amused rather than annoyed, "let me finish." He nodded, his own lips twitching slightly, as another piece of the stone block inside him was slowly chipped away. "You internalize everything because you think you're helping the people you love by keeping your problems and your feelings to yourself. It's what you do and I know that – I knew that then too. I was being stubborn. I wanted you to come to me, to talk to me. But I could've just as easily gone to you, told you how I felt."

Hotch let his hand slide down along Emily's arm, brushing against her soft skin. "We both wish we could have done things differently," he said, "I shouldn't have been so closed off and while you are stubborn, or maybe strong-willed is better word, Emily and yes you could have come to me, I honestly think that we were both at places in our lives where we just weren't ready for what we had thrown ourselves into. Maybe If we had talked everything would have worked out or maybe we would things between us would have ended. We can't tell, so maybe we should leave the past in the past."

Emily released a breath. His words made her feel lighter, her heart thumping faster pushing adrenaline through her arteries. Still though one worrying thought weighed her down. She knew in her heart now that he didn't blame her for leaving. She knew that he blamed himself much more than he would ever blame her. But could he ever trust her again? He said that he could but… How could he?

She voiced her insecurities. The question seemingly pulled out of thin air. "Can you really trust me, Hotch? I know you don't blame me for leaving, but I stayed away for five years – "

"Yes, I can, Emily, you have to believe that," Hotch said, "But this goes both ways. Can you trust me?"

"Of course," Emily said, "What? Why wouldn't I trust you?"

"I need to know that you believe me when I say that I will never close myself off to you and keep you at arm's length again. Do you trust me when I tell you that?"

"I do," Emily smiled, "I know that I can trust you. Never doubt that I do." She moved closer, rubbing her hand over his leg. "You know we've talked a lot about our decisions in the past, but you haven't asked me why I came back."

"I thought you came back because of Grace. I thought it was because she was beginning to ask about me, " Hotch said, a little bit of worry creeping back into his voice.

Emily let her eyes trail Hotch's features. His lips pursed tightly together forming a thin line across his face. She gave him a smile. "When I first decided to come back I told myself that it was because I wanted Grace to be closer to her father and that's completely true, that was one of the biggest reasons. And I kept telling myself that until the day I came back to the BAU and saw you for the first time in five years. Then I knew that the reason I came back was because I never stopped loving you. I love you, Aaron."

"Good," Hotch said, his thin lips turning into a smile, the brightest smile she'd seen on his face in a long time, "because I love you too, Emily."

He drew her even closer, wrapping his other arm around her and turning her in his arms so that she sat facing him. He raised an eyebrow, wondering softly; "Is this okay? It's not too fast?" He could feel his heart wanting to jump out of his chest, but he would rein it in if she said she wasn't ready.

She shook her head and, bracing herself against his chest, she fell closer until their faces were so close she could feel his breath on her cheeks. Her nose brushed against his and she felt gentle laughter bubbling up inside her. They had been so much closer, Grace being the first proof of that, but still this was the closest they had ever been. It felt as if they were close to their first kiss, even though they'd shared hundreds, and it made her breath stop in her throat. Anticipation dazed her mind. All she could focus on was the feel of his skin against her skin as their noses touched and the way the cotton of his shirt crinkled in her hands.

One of his hands left her back, leaving a cold spot, that made her sigh involuntarily and her focus to shift from the sensation of skin touching skin to the lack of his touch. Moments later his hand tangled in her hair, bringing its warmth back to her to flow through her. He gently tilted her head. She allowed him to freely dictate their every movement. The web of different emotions that was building inside her –happiness, fear, anticipation, relief, lust – made her melt into him without any hesitation. She knew it was right. It had always been right. It had just taken them both some time to understand that.

Hotch waited, wanting the moment to come perfectly. Emily's eyes were closed, her long lashes fanning her rosy tinted cheeks. He held his breath as he leaned even closer, their lips not even an inch apart. Closing his eyes he closed the last sliver of air between them.

When their lips touched she could swear she saw little stars igniting in front of her eyes. His touch had never been so electrifying get so gentle and loving at the same time. She had never felt as secure as she felt with his arms around her. She had never felt more at ease than with her lips dancing sensuously together with his in a kiss that promised so much more. She could lose herself in his lips and she didn't care whether she would ever be found again.

Hotch drank her in; every sensation feeling new and familiar at the same time. Her hands grasping his shirt and tugging him closer. The way her light flowery scent tickled his nostrils. Her breath warm against his mouth. Her soft lips brushing against his. Her tongue molding gently against his in slow passion. He never wanted the feelings to end.

When oxygen became an issue Emily reluctantly loosened her grip on his shirt and pulled her lips from his. He opened his eyes, quirking one eyebrow at her, as he filled his lungs with air. "I need you to promise me something," she said, her breath somewhat short.

"Anything," Hotch said, rubbing his palms along her arms.

"Promise me that from now on we will always come to each other when we have a problem or when something is nagging at our minds or just when we want to share a feeling however miniscule it might be." She looked into his eyes; his hands on her bare skin making her mind spin again.

"I promise," he said, "I can definitely promise you that." As he caressed her cheek and leaned forward slightly to capture her lips again, he knew he would never let them go again.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! Pretty please leave a review, they truly do help the writing process along. Hopefully the epilogue (that won't be angsty at all) will be up soon… **

**x Sussi**


	44. Epilogue

**A/N: Thanks for all the kinds words! Please enjoy this very last part of Coming Back Home!**

* * *

**Coming Back Home**

**Epilogue**

**August 11, 2016**

"What do you think buddy?" Hotch said, turning to face Jack, "Is it on straight?" He tugged a little at his red tie –Emily's favorite color – and gave his son a crooked smile.

"Looks good to me, dad," Jack said, standing on his toes and running his small hand down his father's tie to smooth the only visible kink.

"Thanks, Jack," Hotch said, smiling and ruffling a hand through Jack's sandy hair. His expression turned slightly more serious as he looked his son in the eyes. "You remember what to do, right?" he said, "You have to hold Gracie's hand when you two walk down the aisle, okay? And when you get to the front you make sure she sits down next to Nanna Prentiss."

"I know, Dad!" Jack said, wiggling out of his father's gentle grip, "You've told me like a hundred times already."

"Just checking, bud," Hotch said, giving his son another apologetic smile and running a hand through his own hair.

Rossi raised a bushy eyebrow at the scene in front of him. Tilting his lips in an amused smirk, he brought the crystal tumbler to his mouth and took a small sip of the amber liquid. "I don't think I've ever seen you this nervous Aaron," he said, "it is rather amusing to be honest."

Hotch glared at the older man, though ignored the cocky twinkle he received back. "Hey, Jack," he said, "could you go find Derek and Spencer for me, please?" Jack nodded briskly, leaving his father and Rossi alone as the door closed behind him.

"Afraid she'll get cold feet?" Rossi said, chuckling merrily and taking another swig of his expensive scotch.

"Shut up and help me with these," Hotch said, holding up a pair of cufflinks, "I can't seem to get them right."

"Sure," Rossi smiled, getting up from his seat and taking the cufflinks. "Sorry 'bout yanking your chain, Aaron," he said, snapping one cufflink in place, "I think it's healthy to be a bit nervous on your wedding day. Maybe that's why things didn't work out between me and my exes – I wasn't one bit nervous on any of my wedding days."

"Good to know," Hotch said, a small dimple creasing his clean shaven cheek. "Thanks." His smiled as Rossi snapped the other cufflink in place. He pulled his black suit jacket over his shoulders. "I just want everything to be perfect, you know. Emily deserves that." He turned, looking into the mirror, trying to fix the mess he'd made of his hair. He caught Rossi's eyes again in his reflection. "I keep thinking; who would have thought a year ago that we'd be here today."

"I did," Rossi said, smiling another of his smug smiles, "I always knew you'd end up here, I didn't know exactly when, but that you would was pretty given."

**April 10****,**** 2016**

Hotch rubbed a hand across his face, his palm scratching against the slight stubble. Ever since Emily had told him his graying beard was a turn on he had made it a point not to shave during whenever they had a few days to themselves. And he usually got thoroughly rewarded. Letting his mind wander to such places both calmed and excited him.

She was waiting for him in the living room. He'd offered to clear away the dishes while she opened a bottle of wine. The kids were with Jessica, who had been surprisingly accepting of Grace, for the night so that mommy and daddy could have an evening alone. Though it wasn't just to have the apartment to themselves that Hotch had asked Jessica to take the kids for the night, he needed the privacy to talk to Emily.

Glancing at her as she sat on the couch, her back turned to him, pouring two glasses of Chardonnay, he could feel beads of nervous sweat trickle down his forehead. He took a step forward, the floor creaking slightly under the weight of his foot. The sound made Emily turn, her face lighting up as her eyes met his. He closed the distance between them, every step matching his rapidly beating heart.

He sat down next to her, accepting the glass of wine she handed him and let one hand wrap around her shoulders like he always did. He always wanted her as close as possible. He took a sip. He knew he couldn't stall any further. They'd been alone all night. He'd had several opportunities to bring it up, but he hadn't. Honestly because he wasn't sure just how she'd react. He took another sip, deciding that waiting wouldn't help him.

"There's something I need to tell you," he said, taking her glass from her hands, placing it on the table next to his own and pulling her closer against his chest. He briefly wondered if she could feel how hard his heart was pounding. "I've made a decision," he said.

"Go on," she answered.

"I'm resigning as unit chief," he said, bringing forward his news without any pomp and circumstance, "Actually I am leaving the BAU all together."

"Why? You love the BAU."

"I love you and the kids more and to be honest, I really don't think I can do my job effectively anymore. I worry Emily, I worry that something will happen to you, or that something will happen to me and that Jack and Grace will lose one or both of their parents. It's just not worth it anymore. I feel like I have too much to lose."

"What will you do instead?"

"I've been offered retirement and I think I'll take it, I might take up teaching at the academy a few hours a week, but really I want to be able to spend as much time with the kids as possible." He paused, examining her face carefully, a slight wrinkled creased the smooth skin above her nose. "I'm sorry. I'm just springing this on you. I should have talked to you sooner."

"That's not it," Emily said, biting her lip, her eyes falling to her lap. "If that's what you want then I am happy for you. But Hotch, I'm not ready to leave yet. I can't leave the BAU."

"I don't want you to do that, sweetheart, not until you're ready."

"But you worry – "

"Yes, but I also know that you can take care of yourself. That is one of the million things that I love about you."

**August 11, 2016**

"Ooh, you look so cute I could just eat you right up, my littlest princess!" Garcia squealed and wrapped her arms around Grace in a big hug. "That is the prettiest dress I have ever seen. Did you pick that out yourself?" she said, running a hand across the front of Grace's lilac dress.

"Mmmhmm, I did Miss Penny," Grace said beaming brightly at Garcia, "and the shoes too!" She wiggled a sandal covered foot at Garcia.

"Wow! Those are very, very pretty Miss Gracie," Garcia said, smiling at Grace who was shining with pride. It was no secret that Garcia with her colorful outfits and personality had become somewhat of Grace's idol. "You are without a doubt the prettiest flower girl I have ever seen in my entire life," she said, "and you – " she turned to look at Emily "– my dear, you are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen."

"Thanks, PG," Emily said smiling somewhat awkwardly, glancing at her reflection in the mirror and smoothing down an escaped strand of silky raven hair.

"How are you feeling?" JJ said, one slim eyebrow arched in question, "you look a bit flushed. It's not too warm in here is it? I could ask them to crank the AC."

"I'm fine," Emily promised, fingering one of the straps on her ivory dress – a dress Garcia had helped her pick out with the clear instructions "nothing lace and nothing poofy". She smiled, moving her attention from the strap to the small bouquet of red roses lying on the vanity. "I'm a bit nervous, I guess. I've spent the most part of my adult life rather confident, and then some of the latest years certain, that this day wouldn't come. And now, here I am. It's a strange feeling, it's surreal almost and at the same time I feel completely ecstatic."

"Don't worry, sugar plum," Garcia said, bending down and fussing over the dress's train making sure it hadn't a single crease, "I think that's pretty normal. Just you wait till you see the boss man…uh _ex _boss man – wow that still feels weird saying … well anyway – wait till you see him and everything will be prefect."

**April 10, 2016**

"I think I love a million and one things about you, Agent Hotchner," Emily said, as she twirled her arms around his neck, her hands settling on the back of his head and her fingers tangling in the short but soft hair at his neck.

She smiled, feeling the tension leaving her shoulders as his hands found her back. She had been able to tell that Hotch'd had something on his mind all day; he had been short, though not unfriendly, and she'd had trouble locking his gaze during dinner, instead he'd kept his eyes downcast and his lips pursed tightly together.

It'd had her worried all day that whatever problem he was having and whatever he was feeling he would hide it behind his armor and keep his distance from her. But he hadn't. He had let her all the way in. She sighed against his neck, as his hands rested on her hips, and pulled in a breath filling her lungs with the scent of him mixed with his cologne. Slowly she let her lips trail the crook of his neck, painting a trail down to his collarbone.

Letting her hands drop from his neck to his shoulders, her ministrations stopped as she felt tense muscles under her hands. "Aaron?" she said, "What's the matter?"

Hotch raised his eyes, rubbing his hands up and down her sides. "Nothing," he said, giving her a smile, "I'm just nervous I guess. There's one more thing that I'd like to talk to you about, Emily."

She scooted back a bit, to get a better view of his face. She arched an eyebrow, but didn't say a word. Her heart throbbed against her rib cage.

"Actually," Hotch smiled, "there's something I want to ask you." He reached inside his pocket, fishing out a small velvet box and Emily thought her heart would take a leap out of her body. For some reason she hadn't seen this coming. She knew how deeply they loved each other; she felt it with every fiber of her being every time she looked at him. And they had been living together for months, sharing their lives. But still she was blindsided.

"I love you, Emily Prentiss," Hotch said, taking her left hand in his, "I have for a very long time and I can't imagine myself doing anything else for the rest of my life." He slipped the box open, revealing a simple white gold band. "Emily, will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He looked at her, nerves lingering with happiness on his otherwise so hard-to-read features.

She could literally feel her heart swelling to twice its size. "Yes. Yes, I will," she whispered, surprised that she was able to form even such simple words when her mind was spinning the way it was. A single joy filled tear trickled down her cheek as he slid the ring on her finger and wrapped his arms around her.

**August 11, 2016**

Emily watched, through a crack in the door, with glassy eyes as her daughter and son made their way down the aisle together. Jack was clutching Grace's hand. Grace was throwing red rose petals haphazardly along her way. She laughed softly, glancing up and watching Hotch as he beamed down at his children.

The music changed. "That's our tune, pumpkin," Mr. Prentiss chuckled, giving Emily his arm, "let's go."

She locked eyes with Hotch the second she stepped through the door and kept her eyes on his as she walked slowly down the aisle next to her father. As they got to the altar she gave her father a kiss on the cheek and turned back to Hotch. Grabbing her hand he whispered; "I love you, Mrs. Hotchner."

"I love you too, Mr. Hotchner."

**The End**

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**A/N: Thank you so much to all who have stuck with me for this very long ride! I sincerely hope that you have enjoyed yourself throughout this journey. If you have… please let me know by leaving me a review! I appreciate every single one!**

**I've got a few oneshots on the way so keep an eye out for them. I am also in the process of starting a sequel to one of my older stories… Any guesses which one? In other words lots more to come so I hope y'all will keep reading! **

**x Sussi**


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